5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第50部分
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of the public eye and you can stay with me； if you d like to。 Bella caught the significance at once； her eyes were bright and eager。 you ll show me what you meant； about the sun？ And Maybe； like so many times before； her reaction would be the opposite of what I expected。 I smiled at that possibility； struggling to return to the lighter moment。 Yes。 But She hadn t said yes。 If you don t want to be alone with me； I d still rather you didn t go to Seattle by yourself。 I shudder to think of the trouble you could find in a city that size。 Her lips pressed together； she was offended。 Phoenix is three times bigger than Seattle just in population。 In physical size But apparently your number wasn t up in Phoenix； I said； cutting off her justifications。 So I d rather you stayed with me。 She could stay forever and it would not be long enough。 I shouldn t think that way。 We didn t have forever。 The passing seconds counted more than they ever had before； each second changed her while I remained untouched。 As it happens； I don t mind being alone with you； she said。 No because her instincts were backwards。 I know。 I sighed。 You should tell Charlie； though。 Why in the world would I do that？ she asked； sounding horrified。 I glared at her； the visions I couldn t quite manage to repress swirling sickeningly through my head。
To give me some small incentive to bring you back； I hissed。 that much one witness to pel me to be cautious。 Why had Alice forced this knowledge on me now？ Bella swallowed loudly； and stared at me for a long moment。 I think I ll take my chances； she said。 Ugh！ Did she get some thrill out of risking her life？ she craved？ She should give me What did she see？ Some shot of adrenaline I scowled at Alice； who met my glare with a warning glance。 Beside her； Rosalie was glowering furiously； but I couldn t have cared less。 Let her destroy the car。 It was just a toy。 Let s talk about something else； Bella suggested suddenly。 I looked back at her； wondering how she could be so oblivious to what really mattered。 Why wouldn t she see me for the monster I was？ What do you want to talk about？ Her eyes darted to the left and then the right； as if checking to make sure there were no eavesdroppers。 She must be planning to introduce another mythrelated topic。 Her eyes froze for a second and her body stiffened； and then she looked back to me。 Why did you go to that Goat Rocks place last weekend to hunt？ Charlie said it wasn t a good place to hike； because of bears。 So oblivious。 I stared at her； raising one eyebrow。 Bears？ she gasped。 I smiled wryly； watching that sink in。 Would anything？ She pulled her expression together。 severely； narrowing her eyes。 You know； bears are not in season； she said Would this make her take me seriously？ If you read carefully； the laws only cover hunting with weapons。 She lost control over her face again for a moment。 Her lips fell open。 Bears？ she said again； a tentative question this time rather than a gasp of shock。 Grizzly is Emmett s favorite。 I watched her eyes； seeing this settle in。 Hmm； she murmured。 She took a bite of the pizza； looking down。 thoughtfully； and then took a drink。 She chewed
So； she said； finally looking up。 What s your favorite？ Bella was I supposed I should have expected something like that； but I hadn t。 always interesting； at the very least。 Mountain lion； I answered brusquely。 Ah； she said in a neutral tone。 Her heartbeat continued steady and even； as if we were discussing a favorite restaurant。 Fine； then。 If she wanted to act like this was nothing unusual Of course； we have to be careful not to impact the environment with injudicious hunting； I told her； my voice detached and clinical。 We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators ranging as far away as we need。 There s always plenty of deer and elk here； and they ll do； but where s the fun in that？ She listened with a politely interested expression； as if I were a teacher giving a lecture。 I had to smile。 Where indeed； she murmured calmly； taking another bite of pizza。 Early spring is Emmett s favorite bear season； I said； continuing with the lecture。 They re just ing out of hibernation； so they re more irritable。 Seventy years later； and he still hadn t gotten over losing that first match。 Nothing more fun than an irritated grizzly bear； Bella agreed； nodding solemnly。 I couldn t hold back a chuckle as I shook my head at her illogical calm。 to be put on。 Tell me what you re really thinking； please。 It had I m trying to picture it but I can t； she said； the crease appearing between her eyes。 How to you hunt a bear without weapons？ Oh； we have weapons； I told her； and then flashed her a wide smile。 I expected her to recoil； but she was very still； watching me。 Just not the kind they consider when writing hunting laws。 If you ve ever seen a bear attack on television； you should be able to visualize Emmett hunting。 She glanced toward the table where the others sat； and shuddered。 Finally。 And then I laughed at myself； because I knew part of me was wishing she would stay oblivious。 Her dark eyes were wide and deep as she stared at me now。 too？ she asked in an almostwhisper。 Are you like a bear； More like the lion； or so they tell me； I told her； striving to sound detached again。 Perhaps our preferences are indicative。 Her lips pulled up a tiny bit at the corners。 Perhaps； she repeated。 And then her head leaned to the side； and curiosity was suddenly clear in her eyes。 Is that something I might get to see？ I didn t need pictures from Alice to illustrate this horror my imagination was quite enough。
Absolutely not； I snarled at her。 She jerked away from me； her eyes bewildered and frightened。 I leaned back； too； wanting to put space between us。 She was never going to see； was she？ She wouldn t do one thing to help me keep her alive。 Too scary for me？ she asked； her voice even。 moving in double time。 Her heart； however； was still If that were it； I would take you out tonight； I retorted through my teeth。 You need a healthy dose of fear。 Nothing could be more beneficial for you。 Then why？ she demanded； undeterred。 I glared at her blackly； waiting for her to be afraid。 I was afraid。 imagine only too clearly having Bella near when I hunted Her eyes remained curious； impatient； nothing more。 not giving in。 But our hour was up。 Later； I snapped； and I rose to my feet。 We re going to be late。 I could She waited for her answer； She looked around herself； disoriented； like she d forgotten we were at lunch。 Like she d forgotten we were even at school surprised that we were not alone in some private place。 I understood that feeling exactly。 It was hard to remember the rest of the world when I was with her。 She got up quickly； bobbling once； and threw her bag over her shoulder。 Later； then； she said； and I could see the determination in the set of her mouth； she would hold me to that。
12。 plications Bella and I walked silently to biology。 I was trying to focus myself on the moment； on the girl beside me； on what was real and solid； on anything that would keep Alice s deceitful； meaningless visions out of my head。 We passed Angela Weber； lingering on the sidewalk； discussing an assignment with a boy from her Trigonometry class。 I scanned her thoughts perfunctorily； expecting more disappointment； only to be surprised by their wistful tenor。 Ah； so there was something Angela wanted。 could be easily giftwrapped。 Unfortunately； it wasn t something that I felt strangely forted for a moment； hearing Angela s hopeless yearning。 A sense of kinship that Angela would never know about passed through me； and I was； in that second； at one with the kind human girl。 It was oddly consoling to know that I wasn t the only one living out a tragic love story。 Heartbreak was everywhere。 In the next second； I was abruptly and thoroughly irritated。 Because Angela s story didn t have to be tragic。 She was human and he was human and the difference that seemed so insurmountable in her head was ridiculous； truly ridiculous pared to my own situation。 There was no point in her broken heart。 What a wasteful sadness； when there was no valid reason for her not to be with the one she wanted。 Why shouldn t she have what she wanted？ Why shouldn t this one story have a happy ending？ I wanted to give her a gift Well； I would give her what she wanted。 Knowing what I did of human nature； it probably wouldn t even be very difficult。 I sifted through the consciousness of the boy beside her； the object of her affections； and he did not seem unwilling； he was just stymied by the same difficulty she was。 Hopeless and resigned； the way she was。 All I would have to do was plant the suggestion The plan formed easily； the script wrote itself without effort on my part。 I would need Emmett s help getting him to go along with this was the only real difficulty。 Human nature was so much easier to manipulate than vampire nature。 I was pleased with my solution； with my gift for Angela。 It was a nice diversion from my own problems。 Would that mine were as easily fixed。 My mood was slightly improved as Bella and I took our seats。 Maybe I should be more positive。 Maybe there was some solution out there for us that was escaping me； the way Angela s obvious solution was so invisible to her。 N
