5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第51部分
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out there for us that was escaping me； the way Angela s obvious solution was so invisible to her。 Not likely But why waste time with hopelessness？ I didn t have time to waste when it came to Bella。 Each second mattered。 Mr。 Banner entered pulling an ancient TV and VCR。 He was skipping through a section he wasn t particularly interested in geic disorders by showing a movie for the next three days。 Lorenzo s Oil was not a very cheerful piece； but that didn t stop the excitement in the room。 No notes； no testable material。 Three
free days。 exulted。 The humans I hadn t been planning on paying any It didn t matter to me； either way。 attention to anything but Bella。 I did not pull my chair away from hers today； to give myself space to breathe。 Instead； I sat close beside her like any normal human would。 Closer than we sat inside my car； close enough that the left side of my body felt submerged in the heat from her skin。 It was a strange experience； both enjoyable and nerveracking； but I preferred this to sitting across the table from her。 It was more than I was used to； and yet I quickly realized that it was not enough。 I was not satisfied。 Being this close to her only made me want to be closer still。 The pull was stronger the closer I got。 I had accused her of being a mag for danger。 Right now； it felt like that was the literal truth。 I was danger； and； with every inch I allowed myself nearer to her； her attraction grew in force。 And then Mr。 Banner turned the lights out。 It was odd how much of a difference this made； considering that the lack of light meant little to my eyes。 I could still see just as perfectly as before。 Every detail of the room was clear。 So why the sudden shock of electricity in the air； in this dark that was not dark to me？ Was it because I knew that I was the only one who could see clearly？ That both Bella and I were invisible to the others？ Like we were alone； just the two of us； hidden in the dark room； sitting so close beside one another My hand moved toward her without my permission。 Just to touch her hand； to hold it in the darkness。 Would that be such a horrific mistake？ If my skin bothered her； she only had to pull away I yanked my hand back； folded my arms tightly across my chest and clenched my hands closed。 No mistakes。 I d promised myself that I would make no mistakes； no matter how minimal they seemed。 If I held her hand； I would only want more another insignificant touch； another move closer to her。 I could feel that。 A new kind of desire was growing in me； working to override my selfcontrol。 No mistakes。 Bella folded her arms securely across her own chest； and her hands balled up into fists； just like mine。 What are you thinking？ I was dying to whisper the words to her； but the room was too quiet to get away with even a whispered conversation。 The movie began； lightening the darkness just a bit。 Bella glanced up at me。 She noted the rigid way I held my body just like hers and smiled。 Her lips parted slightly； and her eyes seemed full of warm invitations。 Or perhaps I was seeing what I wanted to see。 I smiled back； her breathing caught with a low gasp and she looked quickly away。 That made it worse。 I didn t know her thoughts； but I was suddenly positive that
I had been right before； and that she wanted me to touch her。 dangerous desire just as I did。 Between her body and mine； the electricity hummed。 She felt this She didn t move all through the hour； holding her stiff； controlled pose as I held mine。 Occasionally she would peek at me again； and the humming current would jolt through me with a sudden shock。 The hour passed slowly； and yet not slowly enough。 This was so new； I could have sat like this with her for days； just to experience the feeling fully。 I had a dozen different arguments with myself while the minutes passed； rationality struggling with desire as I tried to justify touching her。 Finally； Mr。 Banner turned the lights on again。 In the bright fluorescent light； the atmosphere of the room returned to normal。 Bella sighed and stretched； flexing her fingers in front of her。 It must have been unfortable for her to hold that position for so long。 It was easier for me stillness came naturally。 I chuckled at the relieved expression on her face。 Well； that was interesting。 Umm； she murmured； clearly understanding what I referred to； but making no ment。 What I wouldn t give to hear what she was thinking right now。 I sighed。 No amount of wishing was going to help with that。 Shall we？ I asked； standing。 She made a face and got unsteadily to her feet； her hands splayed out as if she were afraid she was going to fall。 I could offer her my hand。 Or I could place that hand underneath her elbow just lightly and steady her。 Surely that wouldn t be such a horrible infraction No mistakes。 She was very quiet as we walked toward the gym。 The crease was in evidence between her eyes； a sign that she was deep in thought。 I； too； was thinking deeply。 One touch of her skin wouldn t hurt her； my selfish side contended。 I could easily moderate the pressure of my hand。 It wasn t exactly difficult； as long as I was firmly in control of myself。 My tactile sense was better developed than a human s； I could juggle a dozen crystal goblets without breaking any of them； I could stroke a soap bubble without popping it。 As long as I was firmly in control Bella was like a soap bubble fragile and ephemeral。 Temporary。 How long would I be able to justify my presence in her life？ How much time did I have？ Would I have another chance like this chance； like this moment； like this second？ She would not always be within my arm s reach Bella turned to face me at the gym s door； and her eyes widened at the expression on my face。 She didn t speak。 I looked at myself in the reflection of her eyes
and saw the conflict raging in my own。 lost the argument。 I watched my face change as my better side My hand lifted without a conscious mand for it to do so。 As gently as if she were made of the thinnest glass； as if she were fragile as a bubble； my fingers stroked the warm skin that covered her cheekbone。 It heated under my touch； and I could feel the pulse of blood speed beneath her transparent skin。 Enough； I ordered； though my hand was aching to shape itself to the side of her face。 Enough。 It was difficult to pull my hand back； to stop myself from moving closer to her than I already was。 A thousand different possibilities ran through my mind in an instant a thousand different ways to touch her。 The tip of my finger tracing the shape of her lips。 My palm cupping under her chin。 Pulling the clip from her hair and letting it spill out across my hand。 My arms winding around her waist； holding her against the length of my body。 Enough。 I forced myself to turn； to move away from her。 My body moved stiffly unwilling。 I let my mind linger behind to watch her as I walked swiftly away； almost running from the temptation。 I caught Mike Newton s thoughts they were the loudest while he watched Bella walk past him in oblivion； her eyes unfocused and her cheeks red。 He glowered and suddenly my name was mingled with curses in his head； I couldn t help grinning slightly in response。 My hand was tingling。 I flexed it and then curled it into a fist； but it continued to sting painlessly。 No； I hadn t hurt her but touching her had still been a mistake。 It felt like fire like the thirsting burn of my throat had spread throughout my entire body。 The next time I was close to her； would I be able to stop myself from touching her again？ And if I touched her once； would I be able to stop at that？ No more mistakes。 That was it。 Savor the memory； Edward； I told myself grimly； and keep your hands to yourself。 That； or I would have to force myself to leave somehow。 Because I couldn t allow myself near her if I insisted on making errors。 I took a deep breath and tried to steady my thoughts。 Emmett caught up to me outside the English building。 Hey； Edward。 Hey； Em。 that way。 He s looking better。 Weird； but better。 Happy。 Did I look happy？ I supposed； despite the chaos in my head； I felt Rosalie wants to rip your tongue out。 Are you angry with me？ With what Alice sees Way to keep your mouth shut； kid。 I sighed。 Sorry I left you to deal with that。 Naw。 Rose ll get over it。 ing It was bound to happen anyway。
Alice s visions were not what I wanted to think about right now。 forward； my teeth locking together。 I stared As I searched for a distraction； I caught sight of Ben Cheney entering the Spanish room ahead of us。 Ah here was my chance to give Angela Weber her gift。 I stopped walking and caught Emmett s arm。 Hold on a second。 What s up？ I know I don t deserve it； but would you do me a favor anyway？ What is it？ he asked； curious。 Under my breath and at a speed that would have made the words inprehensible to a human no matter how loud they d been spoken I explained to him what I wanted。 He stared at me blankly when I was done； his thoughts as blank as his face。 So？ I prompted。 Will you help me do it？ But； why？ It took him a minute to respond。 C mon； Emmett。 Why not？ Who are you and what have you done with my brother？ Aren t you the one who plains that school is always the same？ This is something a little different； isn t it？ Consider it an experiment an experiment
