5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第49部分
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sn t worth spelling out。 She thought she was ordinary？ She thought that I was somehow preferable to her？ In whose estimation？ Silly； narrowminded； blind humans like Jessica or Ms。 Cope？ How could she not realize that she was the most beautiful most exquisite those words weren t even enough。 And she had no idea。 You don t see yourself very clearly； you know； I told her。 I ll admit you re deadon about the bad things I laughed humorlessly。 I did not find the evil fate who haunted her ical。 The clumsiness； however； was sort of funny。 Endearing。 Would she believe me if I told her she was beautiful； inside and out？ Perhaps she would find corroboration more persuasive。 But you didn t hear what every human male was thinking on your first day。 Ah； the hope； the thrill； the eagerness of those thoughts。 The speed with which they d turned to impossible fantasies。 Impossible； because she wanted none of them。 I was the one she said yes to。 My smile must have been smug。 Her face was blank with surprise。 I don t believe it； she mumbled。
Trust me just this once you are the opposite of ordinary。 Her existence alone was excuse enough to justify the creation of the entire world。 She wasn t used to pliments； I could see that。 Another thing she would just have to get used to。 She flushed； and changed the subject。 But I m not saying goodbye。 Don t you see？ That s what proves me right。 I care the most； because if I can do it Would I ever be unselfish enough to do the right thing？ I shook my head in despair。 I would have to find the strength。 She deserved a life。 Not what Alice had seen ing for her。 If leaving is the right thing to do And it had to be the right thing； didn t it？ There was no reckless angel。 Bella didn t belong with me。 Then I ll hurt myself to keep from hurting you； to keep you safe。 As I said the words； I willed them to be true。 She glared at me。 Somehow； my words had angered her。 would do the same？ she demanded furiously。 And you don t think I So furious so soft and so fragile。 How could she ever hurt anyone？ You d never have to make the choice； I told her； depressed anew by the wide difference between us。 She stared at me； concern replacing the anger in her eyes and bringing out the little pucker between them。 There was something truly wrong with the order of the universe if someone so good and so breakable did not merit a guardian angel to keep her out of trouble。 Well； I thought with dark humor； at least she has a guardian vampire。 I smiled。 How I loved my excuse to stay。 Of course； keeping you safe is beginning to feel like a fulltime occupation that requires my constant presence。 She smiled； too。 No one has tried to do away with me today； she said lightly； and then her face turned speculative for half a second before her eyes went opaque again。 Yet； I added dryly。 Yet； she agreed to my surprise。 I d expected her to deny any need for protection。 How could he？ That selfish jackass！ How could he do this to us？ Rosalie s piercing mental shriek broke through my concentration。 Easy； Rose； I heard Emmett whisper from across the cafeteria。 His arm was around her shoulders； holding her tight into his side restraining her。 Sorry； Edward； Alice thought guiltily。 She could tell Bella knew too much from your conversation and； well； it would have been worse if I hadn t told her the truth right away。 Trust me on that。 I winced at the mental picture that followed； at what would have happened if I d told Rosalie that Bella knew I was a vampire at home； where Rosalie didn t have a
fa ade to keep up。 I d have to hide my Aston Martin somewhere out of state if she didn t calm down by the time school was over。 The sight of my favorite car； mangled and burning； was upsetting though I knew I d earned the retribution。 Jasper was not much happier。 I d deal with the others later。 I only had so much time allotted to be to be with Bella； and I wasn t going to waste it。 And hearing Alice had reminded me that I had some business to attend to。 I have another question for you； I said； tuning out Rosalie s mental hysterics。 Shoot； Bella said； smiling。 Do you really need to go to Seattle this Saturday； or was that just an excuse to get out of saying no to all your admirers？ She grimaced at me。 You know； I haven t forgiven you for the Tyler thing yet。 It s your fault that he s deluded himself into thinking I m going to prom with him。 Oh； he would have found a chance to ask you without me I just really wanted to watch your face。 I laughed now； remembering her aghast expression。 Nothing I d ever told her about my own dark story had ever made her look so horrified。 The truth didn t frighten her。 She wanted to be with me。 Mindboggling。 If I d asked you； would you have turned me down？ Probably not； she said。 sprained ankle。 How strange。 But I would have cancelled later faked an illness or a Why would you do that？ She shook her head； as if she was disappointed that I did not understand at once。 You ve never seen me in gym； I guess； but I would have thought that you would understand。 Ah。 Are you referring to the fact that you can t walk across a flat； stable surface without finding something to trip over？ Obviously。 That wouldn t be a problem。 It s all in the leading。 For a brief fraction of a second； I was overwhelmed by the idea of holding her in my arms at a dance where she would surely wear something pretty and delicate rather than this hideous sweater。 With perfect clarity； I remembered how her body had felt under mine after I d thrown her out of the way of the oning van。 Stronger than the panic or the desperation or the chagrin； I could remember that sensation。 She d been so warm and so soft； fitting easily into my own stone shape I wrenched myself back from the memory。
But you never told me I said quickly； preventing her from arguing with me about her clumsiness； as she clearly intended to do。 Are you resolved on going to Seattle； or do you mind if we do something different？ Devious giving her a choice without giving her the option of getting away from me for the day。 Hardly fair of me。 But I had made her a promise last night and I liked the idea of fulfilling it almost as much as that idea terrified me。 The sun would be shining Saturday。 I could show her the real me； if I was brave enough to endure her horror and disgust。 I knew just the place to take such a risk I m open to alternatives； Bella said。 A qualified yes。 What？ Can I drive？ Was this her idea of humor？ Why？ But I do have a favor to ask。 What would she want from me？ Well； mostly because when I told Charlie I was going to Seattle； he specifically asked if I was going alone and； at the time； I was。 If he asked again； I probably wouldn t lie； but I don t think he will ask again； and leaving my truck at home would just bring up the subject unnecessarily。 And also； because your driving frightens me。 I rolled my eyes at her。 Of all the things about me that could frighten you； you worry about my driving。 Truly； her brain worked backwards。 I shook my head； disgusted。 Edward； Alice called urgently。 Suddenly I was staring into a bright circle of sunlight； caught up in one of Alice s visions。 It was a place I knew well； the place I d just considered taking Bella a little meadow where no one ever went beside myself。 A quiet； pretty place where I could count on being alone far enough from any trail or human habitation that even my mind could have peace and quiet。 Alice recognized it； too； because she had seen me there not so long ago in another vision one of those flickering； indistinct visions that Alice had shown me the morning I d saved Bella from the van。 In that flickering vision； I hadn t been alone。 And now it was clear Bella was with me there。 So I was brave enough。 She stared at me； rainbows dancing across her face； her eyes fathomless。 It s the same place； Alice thought； her mind full of a horror that did not match the vision。 Tension； perhaps； but horror？ What did she mean； the same place？ And then I saw it。 Edward！ Alice protested shrilly。 I love her； Edward！ I shut her out viciously。
She didn t love Bella the way I did。 Her vision was impossible。 blinded somehow； seeing impossibilities。 Wrong。 She was Not even a half a second had passed。 Bella was looking curiously at my face； waiting for me to approve her request。 Had she seen the flash of dread； or had it been too quick for her？ I focused on her； on our unfinished conversation； pushing Alice and her flawed； lying visions far from my thoughts。 They didn t deserve my attention。 I wasn t able to keep up the playful tone of our banter； though。 Won t you want to tell your father that you re spending the day with me？ I asked； darkness seeping into my voice。 I shoved at the visions again； trying to push them farther away； to keep them from flickering through my head。 With Charlie； less is always more； Bella said； certain of this fact。 we going； anyway？ Alice was wrong。 Dead wrong。 There was no chance of that。 old vision； invalid now。 Things had changed。 Where are And it was just an The weather will be nice； I told her slowly； fighting the panic and indecision。 Alice was wrong。 I would continue as if I hadn t heard or seen anything。 So I ll be staying out of the public eye and you can stay with me； if you d like to。 Bella caught the significance at once；
