5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第48部分
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me out of the class together； and both girls eyes widened when they saw me。 But I could only hear Jessica。 Nice。 Wow。 Oh； yeah； there s more going on here than she s telling me。 Maybe I ll call her tonight Or maybe I shouldn t encourage her。 Huh。 I hope he moves past her in a hurry。 Mike is cute but wow。 See you later； Bella。 Bella walked toward me； pausing a step away； still unsure。 across her cheekbones。 Her skin was pink I knew her well enough now to be sure that there was no fear behind her hesitation。 Apparently； this was about some gulf she imagined between her feelings and mine。 More than he likes me。 Absurd！ Hello； I said； my voice a tad curt。 Her face got brighter。 Hi。 She didn t seem inclined to say anything else； so I led the way to the cafeteria and she walked silently beside me。 The jacket had worked her scent was not the blow it usually was。 It was just an intensification of the pain I already felt。 I could ignore it more easily than I once would have believed possible。 Bella was restless as we waited in line； toying absently with the zipper on her jacket and shifting nervously from foot to foot。 She glanced at me often； but whenever she met my gaze； she looked down as if she were embarrassed。 Was this
because so many people were staring at us？ Maybe she could hear the loud whispers the gossip was verbal as well as mental today。 Or maybe she realized； from my expression； that she was in trouble。 She didn t say anything until I was assembling her lunch。 liked not yet so I grabbed one of everything。 What are you doing？ she hissed in a low voice。 me？ I didn t know what she You re not getting all that for Half is for me； of I shook my head； and shoved the tray up to the register。 course。 She raised one eyebrow skeptically； but said nothing more as I paid for the food and escorted her to the table we d sat at last week before her disastrous experience with blood typing。 It seemed like much more than a few days。 Everything was different now。 She sat across from me again。 I pushed the tray toward her。 Take whatever you want； I encouraged。 She picked up an apple and twisted it in her hands； a speculative look on her face。 I m curious。 What a surprise。 What would you do if someone dared you to eat food？ she continued in a low voice that wouldn t carry to human ears。 Immortal ears were another matter； if those ears were paying attention。 I probably should have mentioned something to them earlier You re always curious； I plained。 Oh well。 It wasn t like I hadn t had to eat before。 It was part of the charade。 An unpleasant part。 I reached for the closest thing； and held her eyes while I bite off a small bite of whatever it was。 Without looking； I couldn t tell。 It was as slimy and chunky and repulsive as any other human food。 I chewed swiftly and swallowed； trying to keep the grimace off my face。 The gob of food moved slowly and unfortably down my throat。 I sighed as I thought of how I would have to choke it back up later。 Bella s expression was shocked。 Impressed。 I wanted to roll my eyes。 Disgusting。 Of course we would have perfected such deceptions。 If someone dared you to eat dirt； you could； couldn t you？ Her nose wrinkled and she smiled。 I laughed。 I did once on a dare。 It wasn t so bad。 I suppose I m not surprised。 They look cozy； don t they？ Good body language。 I ll give Bella my take later。 He s leaning toward her just the way he should； if he s interested。 He looks interested。 He looks perfect。 Jessica sighed。 Yum。
I met Jessica s curious eyes； and she looked away nervously； giggling to the girl next to her。 Hmmm。 Probably better to stick to Mike。 Reality； not fantasy She ll break it down Jessica s analyzing everything I do； I informed Bella。 for you later。 I pushed the plate of food back towards her pizza； I realized wondering how best to begin。 My former frustration flared as the words repeated in my head： More than he likes me。 But I don t see how I can help that。 She took a bite from the same slice of pizza。 It amazed me how trusting she was。 Of course； she didn t know I was poisonous not that sharing food would hurt her。 Still； I expected her to treat me differently。 As something other。 She never did at least； not in a negative way I would start off gently。 So the waitress was pretty； was she？ She raised the eyebrow again。 You really didn t notice？ Absurd； again。 As if any woman could hope to capture my attention from Bella。 No。 I wasn t paying attention。 I had a lot on my mind。 had been the soft cling of her thin blouse Good thing she d worn that ugly sweater today。 Poor girl； Bella said； smiling。 Not the least of which She liked that I hadn t found the waitress interesting in any way。 I could understand that。 How many times had I imagined crippling Mike Newton in the biology room？ She couldn t honestly believe that her human feelings； the fruition of seventeen short mortal years； could be stronger than the immortal passions that had been building up in me for a century。 Something you said to Jessica I couldn t keep my voice casual。 bothers me。 Well； it She was immediately on the defensive。 I m not surprised you heard something you didn t like。 You know what they say about eavesdroppers。 Eavesdroppers never hear good of themselves； that was the saying。 I warned you I would be listening； I reminded her。 And I warned you that you didn t want to know everything I was thinking。 Ah； she was thinking of when I d made her cry。 Remorse made my voice thicker。 You did。 You aren t precisely right； though。 I do want to know what you re thinking everything。 I just wish that you wouldn t be thinking some things。
More halflies。 course I did。 I knew I shouldn t want her to care about me。 But I did。 Of That s quite a distinction； she grumbled； scowling at me。 really the point at the moment。 Then what is？ But that s not She leaned toward me； her hand cupped lightly around her throat。 eye distracted me。 How soft that skin must feel Focus； I manded myself。 It drew my Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you？ I asked。 question sounded ridiculous to me； like the words were scrambled。 Her eyes were wide； her breathing stopped。 quickly。 Her breath came in a low gasp。 You re doing it again； she murmured。 What？ Then she looked away； blinking The Dazzling me； she admitted； meeting my eyes warily。 Oh。 Hmm。 I wasn t quite sure what to do about that。 Nor was I sure that I didn t want to dazzle her。 I was still thrilled that I could。 But it wasn t helping the progression of the conversation。 It s not your fault。 She sighed。 You can t help it。 Are you going to answer my question？ I demanded。 She stared at the table。 That was all she said。 Yes； you are going to answer； or yes； you really think that？ I asked impatiently。 Yes； I really think that； she said without looking up。 There was a faint undertone of sadness in her voice。 She blushed again； and her teeth moved unconsciously to worry her lip。 Abruptly； I realized that this was very hard for her to admit； because she truly believed it。 And I was no better than that coward； Mike； asking for her to confirm her feelings before I d confirmed my own。 It didn t matter that I felt I d make my side abundantly clear。 It hadn t gotten through to her； and so I had no excuse。 You re wrong； I promised。 She must hear the tenderness in my voice。 You can t know Yes。 Bella looked up to me； her eyes opaque； giving nothing away。 that； she whispered。 She thought that I was underestimating her feelings because I couldn t hear her thoughts。 But； in truth； the problem was that she was underestimating mine。 What makes you think so？ I wondered。
She stared back millionth time； beg her to tell to keep me from at me； the furrow between her brows； biting her lips。 For the I wished desperately that I could just hear her。 I was about to me what thought she was struggling with； but she held up a finger speaking。 Let me think； she requested。 As long as she was simply organizing her thoughts； I could be patient。 Or I could pretend to be。 She pressed her hands together； twining and untwining her slender fingers。 She was watching her hands as if they belonged to someone else while she spoke。 Well； aside from the obvious； she murmured。 Sometimes I can t be sure I don t know how to read minds but sometimes it seems like you re trying to say goodbye when you re saying something else。 She didn t look up。 She d caught that； had she？ Did she realize that it was only weakness and selfishness that kept me here？ Did she think less of me for that？ Perceptive； I breathed； and then watched in horror as pain twisted her expression。 I hurried to contradict her assumption。 That s exactly why you re wrong； though I began； and then I paused； remembering the first words of her explanation。 They bothered me； though I wasn t sure I understood exactly。 the obvious ？ Well； look at me； she said。 I was looking。 All I ever did was look at her。 What did she mean？ What do you mean； I m absolutely ordinary； she explained。 Well； except for the bad things like all the near death experiences and being so clumsy that I m almost disabled。 And look at you。 She fanned the air toward me； like she was making some point so obvious it wasn t worth spelling out。 She thought she was ordinary？ She thought that I was somehow preferable to
