winesburg,ohio-第37部分

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h　to　Lake　Erie　and　the　drunken　boy　made　his　way　along　the　road　to　the　bridge。　　There　he　sat　down。　　He　tried　to　drink　again；　but　when　he　had　taken　the　cork　out　of　the　bottle　he　became　ill　and　put　it　quickly　back。　　His　head　was　rocking　back　and　forth　and　so　he　sat　on　the　stone　approach　to　the　bridge　and　sighed。　　His　head　seemed　to　be　flying　about　like　a　pinwheel　and　then　projecting　itself　off　into　space　and　his　arms　and　legs　flopped　helplessly　about。

At　eleven　o'clock　Tom　got　back　into　town。　　George　Willard　found　him　wandering　about　and　took　him　into　the　Eagle　printshop。　　Then　he　became　afraid　that　the　drunken　boy　would　make　a　mess　on　the　floor　and　helped　him　into　the　alleyway。

The　reporter　was　confused　by　Tom　Foster。　　The　drunken　boy　talked　of　Helen　White　and　said　he　had　been　with　her　on　the　shore　of　a　sea　and　had　made　love　to　her。　　George　had　seen　Helen　White　walking　in　the　street　with　her　father　during　the　evening　and　decided　that　Tom　was　out　of　his　head。　　A　sentiment　concerning　Helen　White　that　lurked　in　his　own　heart　flamed　up　and　he　became　angry。　　〃Now　you　quit　that；〃　he　said。　　〃I　won't　let　Helen　White's　name　be　dragged　into　this。　　I　won't　let　that　happen。〃　He　began　shaking　Tom's　shoulder；　trying　to　make　him　understand。　　〃You　quit　it；〃　he　said　again。

For　three　hours　the　two　young　men；　thus　strangely　thrown　together；　stayed　in　the　printshop。　　When　he　had　a　little　recovered　George　took　Tom　for　a　walk。　They　went　into　the　country　and　sat　on　a　log　near　the　edge　of　a　wood。　　Something　in　the　still　night　drew　them　together　and　when　the　drunken　boy's　head　began　to　clear　they　talked。

〃It　was　good　to　be　drunk；〃　Tom　Foster　said。　　〃It　taught　me　something。　　I　won't　have　to　do　it　again。　　I　will　think　more　dearly　after　this。　　You　see　how　it　is。〃

George　Willard　did　not　see；　but　his　anger　concern…　ing　Helen　White　passed　and　he　felt　drawn　toward　the　pale；　shaken　boy　as　he　had　never　before　been　drawn　toward　anyone。　　With　motherly　solicitude；　he　insisted　that　Tom　get　to　his　feet　and　walk　about。　Again　they　went　back　to　the　printshop　and　sat　in　silence　in　the　darkness。

The　reporter　could　not　get　the　purpose　of　Tom　Foster's　action　straightened　out　in　his　mind。　　When　Tom　spoke　again　of　Helen　White　he　again　grew　angry　and　began　to　scold。　　〃You　quit　that；〃　he　said　sharply。　　〃You　haven't　been　with　her。　　What　makes　you　say　you　have？　What　makes　you　keep　saying　such　things？　Now　you　quit　it；　do　you　hear？〃

Tom　was　hurt。　　He　couldn't　quarrel　with　George　Willard　because　he　was　incapable　of　quarreling；　so　he　got　up　to　go　away。　　When　George　Willard　was　insistent　he　put　out　his　hand；　laying　it　on　the　older　boy's　arm；　and　tried　to　explain。

〃Well；〃　he　said　softly；　〃I　don't　know　how　it　was。　I　was　happy。　　You　see　how　that　was。　　Helen　White　made　me　happy　and　the　night　did　too。　　I　wanted　to　suffer；　to　be　hurt　somehow。　　I　thought　that　was　what　I　should　do。　　I　wanted　to　suffer；　you　see；　because　everyone　suffers　and　does　wrong。　　I　thought　of　a　lot　of　things　to　do；　but　they　wouldn't　work。　　They　all　hurt　someone　else。〃

Tom　Foster's　voice　arose；　and　for　once　in　his　life　he　became　almost　excited。　　〃It　was　like　making　love；　that's　what　I　mean；〃　he　explained。　　〃Don't　you　see　how　it　is？　It　hurt　me　to　do　what　I　did　and　made　everything　strange。　　That's　why　I　did　it。　　I'm　glad；　too。　　It　taught　me　something；　that's　it；　that's　what　I　wanted。　　Don't　you　understand？　I　wanted　to　learn　things；　you　see。　　That's　why　I　did　it。〃




DEATH

THE　STAIRWAY　LEADING　up　to　Doctor　Reefy's　office；　in　the　Heffner　Block　above　the　Paris　Dry　Goods　store；　was　but　dimly　lighted。　　At　the　head　of　the　stairway　hung　a　lamp　with　a　dirty　chimney　that　was　fastened　by　a　bracket　to　the　wall。　　The　lamp　had　a　tin　reflector；　brown　with　rust　and　covered　with　dust。　The　people　who　went　up　the　stairway　followed　with　their　feet　the　feet　of　many　who　had　gone　before。　The　soft　boards　of　the　stairs　had　yielded　under　the　pressure　of　feet　and　deep　hollows　marked　the　way。

At　the　top　of　the　stairway　a　turn　to　the　right　brought　you　to　the　doctor's　door。　　To　the　left　was　a　dark　hallway　filled　with　rubbish。　　Old　chairs；　carpen…　ter's　horses；　step　ladders　and　empty　boxes　lay　in　the　darkness　waiting　for　shins　to　be　barked。　　The　pile　of　rubbish　belonged　to　the　Paris　Dry　Goods　Company。　When　a　counter　or　a　row　of　shelves　in　the　store　became　useless；　clerks　carried　it　up　the　stairway　and　threw　it　on　the　pile。

Doctor　Reefy's　office　was　as　large　as　a　barn。　　A　stove　with　a　round　paunch　sat　in　the　middle　of　the　room。　　Around　its　base　was　piled　sawdust；　held　in　place　by　heavy　planks　nailed　to　the　floor。　　By　the　door　stood　a　huge　table　that　had　once　been　a　part　of　the　furniture　of　Herrick's　Clothing　Store　and　that　had　been　used　for　displaying　custom…made　clothes。　It　was　covered　with　books；　bottles；　and　surgical　in…　struments。　　Near　the　edge　of　the　table　lay　three　or　four　apples　left　by　John　Spaniard；　a　tree　nurseryman　who　was　Doctor　Reefy's　friend；　and　who　had　slipped　the　apples　out　of　his　pocket　as　he　came　in　at　the　door。

At　middle　age　Doctor　Reefy　was　tall　and　awk…　ward。　　The　grey　beard　he　later　wore　had　not　yet　ap…　peared；　but　on　the　upper　lip　grew　a　brown　mustache。　He　was　not　a　graceful　man；　as　when　he　grew　older；　and　was　much　occupied　with　the　problem　of　dispos…　ing　of　his　hands　and　feet。

On　summer　afternoons；　when　she　had　been　mar…　ried　many　years　and　when　her　son　George　was　a　boy　of　twelve　or　fourteen；　Elizabeth　Willard　some…　times　went　up　the　worn　steps　to　Doctor　Reefy's　of…　fice。　　Already　the　woman's　naturally　tall　figure　had　begun　to　droop　and　to　drag　itself　listlessly　about。　Ostensibly　she　went　to　see　the　doctor　because　of　her　health；　but　on　the　half　dozen　occasions　when　she　had　been　to　see　him　the　outcome　of　the　visits　did　not　primarily　concern　her　health。　　She　and　the　doctor　talked　of　that　but　they　talked　most　of　her　life；　of　their　two　lives　and　of　the　ideas　that　had　come　to　them　as　they　lived　their　lives　in　Winesburg。

In　the　big　empty　office　the　man　and　the　woman　sat　looking　at　each　other　and　they　were　a　good　deal　alike。　　Their　bodies　were　different；　as　were　also　the　color　of　their　eyes；　the　length　of　their　noses；　and　the　circumstances　of　their　existence；　but　something　inside　them　meant　the　same　thing；　wanted　the　same　release；　would　have　left　the　same　impression　on　the　memory　of　an　onlooker。　　Later；　and　when　he　grew　older　and　married　a　young　wife；　the　doctor　often　talked　to　her　of　the　hours　spent　with　the　sick　woman　and　expressed　a　good　many　things　he　had　been　un…　able　to　express　to　Elizabeth。　　He　was　almost　a　poet　in　his　old　age　and　his　notion　of　what　happened　took　a　poetic　turn。　　〃I　had　come　to　the　time　in　my　life　when　prayer　became　necessary　and　so　I　invented　gods　and　prayed　to　them；〃　he　said。　　〃I　did　not　say　my　prayers　in　words　nor　did　I　kneel　down　but　sat　perfectly　still　in　my　chair。　　In　the　late　afternoon　when　it　was　hot　and　quiet　on　Main　Street　or　in　the　winter　when　the　days　were　gloomy；　the　gods　came　into　the　office　and　I　thought　no　one　knew　about　them。　　Then　I　found　that　this　woman　Elizabeth　knew；　that　she　worshipped　also　the　same　gods。　　I　have　a　notion　that　she　came　to　the　office　because　she　thought　the　gods　would　be　there　but　she　was　happy　to　find　herself　not　alone　just　the　same。　　It　was　an　experience　that　cannot　be　explained；　although　I　suppose　it　is　always　happening　to　men　and　women　in　all　sorts　of　places。〃


On　the　summer　afternoons　when　Elizabeth　and　the　doctor　sat　in　the　office　and　talked　of　their　two　lives　they　talked　of　other　lives　also。　　Sometimes　the　doctor　made　philosophic　epigrams。　　Then　he　chuck…　led　with　amusement。　　Now　and　then　after　a　period　of　silence；　a　word　was　said　or　a　hint　given　that　strangely　illuminated　the　fife　of　the　speaker；　a　wish　became　a　desire；　or　a　dream；　half　dead；　flared　sud…　denly　into　life。　　For　the　most　part　the　words　came　from　the　woman　and　she　said　them　without　looking　at　the　man。

Each　time　she　came　to　see　the　doctor　the　hotel　keeper's　wife　talked　a　little　more　freely　and　after　an　hour　or　two　in　his　presence　went　down　the　stairway　into　Main　Street　feeling　renewed　and　strengthened　against　the　dullness　of　her　days。　　With　something　approaching　a　girlhood　swing　to　her　body　she　walked　along；　but　when　she　had　got　back　to　her　chair　by　the　window　of　her　room　and　when　dark…　ness　had　come　on　and　a　girl　from　the　hotel　dining　room　brought　her　dinner　on　a　tray；　she　let　it　grow　cold。　　Her　thoughts　ran　away　to　her　girlhood　with　its　passionate　longing　for　adventure　and　she　remem…　bered　the　arms　of　men　that　had　held　her　when　ad…　venture　was　a　possible　thing　for　her。　　Particularly　she　remembered　one　who　had　for　a　time　been　her　lover　and　who　in　the　moment　of　his　passion　had　cried　out　to　her　more　than　a　hundred　times；　saying　the　same　words　madly　over　and　over：　〃You　dear！　You　dear！　You　lovely　dear！〃　The　words；　she　thought；　ex…　pressed　something　she　would　have　liked　to　have　achieved　in　life。

In　her　room　in　the　shabby　old　hotel　the　sick　wife　of　the　hotel　keeper　began　to　weep　and；　putting　her　hands　to　her　face；　rocked　back　and　forth。　　The　words　of　her　one　friend；　Doctor　Reefy；　rang　in　her　ears。　〃Love　is　like　a　wind　stirring　the　grass　beneath　trees　on　a　black　night；〃　he　had　said。　　〃You　must　not　try　to　make　love　definite。　　It　is　the　divine　accident　of　life。　If