winesburg,ohio-第36部分

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　casual　and　horrible　love　affairs；　saw　boys　fighting　and　listened　to　their　tales　of　thieving　and　drunkenness；　unmoved　and　strangely　unaffected。

Once　Tom　did　steal。　　That　was　while　he　still　lived　in　the　city。　　The　grandmother　was　ill　at　the　time　and　he　himself　was　out　of　work。　　There　was　nothing　to　eat　in　the　house；　and　so　he　went　into　a　harness　shop　on　a　side　street　and　stole　a　dollar　and　seventy…five　cents　out　of　the　cash　drawer。

The　harness　shop　was　run　by　an　old　man　with　a　long　mustache。　　He　saw　the　boy　lurking　about　and　thought　nothing　of　it。　　When　he　went　out　into　the　street　to　talk　to　a　teamster　Tom　opened　the　cash　drawer　and　taking　the　money　walked　away。　　Later　he　was　caught　and　his　grandmother　settled　the　mat…　ter　by　offering　to　come　twice　a　week　for　a　month　and　scrub　the　shop。　　The　boy　was　ashamed；　but　he　was　rather　glad；　too。　　〃It　is　all　right　to　be　ashamed　and　makes　me　understand　new　things；〃　he　said　to　the　grandmother；　who　didn't　know　what　the　boy　was　talking　about　but　loved　him　so　much　that　it　didn't　matter　whether　she　understood　or　not。

For　a　year　Tom　Foster　lived　in　the　banker's　stable　and　then　lost　his　place　there。　　He　didn't　take　very　good　care　of　the　horses　and　he　was　a　constant　source　of　irritation　to　the　banker's　wife。　　She　told　him　to　mow　the　lawn　and　he　forgot。　　Then　she　sent　him　to　the　store　or　to　the　post　office　and　he　did　not　come　back　but　joined　a　group　of　men　and　boys　and　spent　the　whole　afternoon　with　them；　standing　about；　lis…　tening　and　occasionally；　when　addressed；　saying　a　few　words。　　As　in　the　city　in　the　houses　of　prostitu…　tion　and　with　the　rowdy　boys　running　through　the　streets　at　night；　so　in　Winesburg　among　its　citizens　he　had　always　the　power　to　be　a　part　of　and　yet　distinctly　apart　from　the　life　about　him。

After　Tom　lost　his　place　at　Banker　White's　he　did　not　live　with　his　grandmother；　although　often　in　the　evening　she　came　to　visit　him。　　He　rented　a　room　at　the　rear　of　a　little　frame　building　belonging　to　old　Rufus　Whiting。　　The　building　was　on　Duane　Street；　just　off　Main　Street；　and　had　been　used　for　years　as　a　law　office　by　the　old　man；　who　had　become　too　feeble　and　forgetful　for　the　practice　of　his　profession　but　did　not　realize　his　inefficiency。　　He　liked　Tom　and　let　him　have　the　room　for　a　dollar　a　month。　　In　the　late　afternoon　when　the　lawyer　had　gone　home　the　boy　had　the　place　to　himself　and　spent　hours　lying　on　the　floor　by　the　stove　and　thinking　of　things。　　In　the　evening　the　grandmother　came　and　sat　in　the　lawyer's　chair　to　smoke　a　pipe　while　Tom　remained　silent；　as　he　always；　did　in　the　presence　of　everyone。

Often　the　old　woman　talked　with　great　vigor。　Sometimes　she　was　angry　about　some　happening　at　the　banker's　house　and　scolded　away　for　hours。　　Out　of　her　own　earnings　she　bought　a　mop　and　regularly　scrubbed　the　lawyer's　office。　　Then　when　the　place　was　spotlessly　clean　and　smelled　clean　she　lighted　her　clay　pipe　and　she　and　Tom　had　a　smoke　to…　gether。　　〃When　you　get　ready　to　die　then　I　will　die　also；〃　she　said　to　the　boy　lying　on　the　floor　beside　her　chair。

Tom　Foster　enjoyed　life　in　Winesburg。　　He　did　odd　jobs；　such　as　cutting　wood　for　kitchen　stoves　and　mowing　the　grass　before　houses。　　In　late　May　and　early　June　he　picked　strawberries　in　the　fields。　　He　had　time　to　loaf　and　he　enjoyed　loafing。　　Banker　White　had　given　him　a　cast…off　coat　which　was　too　large　for　him；　but　his　grandmother　cut　it　down；　and　he　had　also　an　overcoat；　got　at　the　same　place；　that　was　lined　with　fur。　　The　fur　was　worn　away　in　spots；　but　the　coat　was　warm　and　in　the　winter　Tom　slept　in　it。　　He　thought　his　method　of　getting　along　good　enough　and　was　happy　and　satisfied　with　the　way　fife　in　Winesburg　had　turned　out　for　him。

The　most　absurd　little　things　made　Tom　Foster　happy。　　That；　I　suppose；　was　why　people　loved　him。　In　Hern's　Grocery　they　would　be　roasting　coffee　on　Friday　afternoon；　preparatory　to　the　Saturday　rush　of　trade；　and　the　rich　odor　invaded　lower　Main　Street。　　Tom　Foster　appeared　and　sat　on　a　box　at　the　rear　of　the　store。　　For　an　hour　he　did　not　move　but　sat　perfectly　still；　filling　his　being　with　the　spicy　odor　that　made　him　half　drunk　with　happiness。　　〃I　like　it；〃　he　said　gently。　　〃It　makes　me　think　of　things　far　away；　places　and　things　like　that。〃

One　night　Tom　Foster　got　drunk。　　That　came　about　in　a　curious　way。　　He　never　had　been　drunk　before；　and　indeed　in　all　his　fife　had　never　taken　a　drink　of　anything　intoxicating；　but　he　felt　he　needed　to　be　drunk　that　one　time　and　so　went　and　did　it。

In　Cincinnati；　when　he　lived　there；　Tom　had　found　out　many　things；　things　about　ugliness　and　crime　and　lust。　　Indeed；　he　knew　more　of　these　things　than　anyone　else　in　Winesburg。　　The　matter　of　sex　in　particular　had　presented　itself　to　him　in　a　quite　horrible　way　and　had　made　a　deep　impression　on　his　mind。　　He　thought；　after　what　he　had　seen　of　the　women　standing　before　the　squalid　houses　on　cold　nights　and　the　look　he　had　seen　in　the　eyes　of　the　men　who　stopped　to　talk　to　them；　that　he　would　put　sex　altogether　out　of　his　own　life。　　One　of　the　women　of　the　neighborhood　tempted　him　once　and　he　went　into　a　room　with　her。　　He　never　forgot　the　smell　of　the　room　nor　the　greedy　look　that　came　into　the　eyes　of　the　woman。　　It　sickened　him　and　in　a　very　terrible　way　left　a　scar　on　his　soul。　　He　had　always　before　thought　of　women　as　quite　innocent　things；　much　like　his　grandmother；　but　after　that　one　experience　in　the　room　he　dismissed　women　from　his　mind。　　So　gentle　was　his　nature　that　he　could　not　hate　anything　and　not　being　able　to　under…　stand　he　decided　to　forget。

And　Tom　did　forget　until　he　came　to　Winesburg。　After　he　had　lived　there　for　two　years　something　began　to　stir　in　him。　　On　all　sides　he　saw　youth　mak…　ing　love　and　he　was　himself　a　youth。　　Before　he　knew　what　had　happened　he　was　in　love　also。　　He　fell　in　love　with　Helen　White；　daughter　of　the　man　for　whom　he　had　worked；　and　found　himself　think…　ing　of　her　at　night。

That　was　a　problem　for　Tom　and　he　settled　it　in　his　own　way。　　He　let　himself　think　of　Helen　White　whenever　her　figure　came　into　his　mind　and　only　concerned　himself　with　the　manner　of　his　thoughts。　He　had　a　fight；　a　quiet　determined　little　fight　of　his　own；　to　keep　his　desires　in　the　channel　where　he　thought　they　belonged；　but　on　the　whole　he　was　victorious。

And　then　came　the　spring　night　when　he　got　drunk。　　Tom　was　wild　on　that　night。　　He　was　like　an　innocent　young　buck　of　the　forest　that　has　eaten　of　some　maddening　weed。　　The　thing　began；　ran　its　course；　and　was　ended　in　one　night；　and　you　may　be　sure　that　no　one　in　Winesburg　was　any　the　worse　for　Tom's　outbreak。

In　the　first　place；　the　night　was　one　to　make　a　sensitive　nature　drunk。　　The　trees　along　the　resi…　dence　streets　of　the　town　were　all　newly　clothed　in　soft　green　leaves；　in　the　gardens　behind　the　houses　men　were　puttering　about　in　vegetable　gardens；　and　in　the　air　there　was　a　hush；　a　waiting　kind　of　silence　very　stirring　to　the　blood。

Tom　left　his　room　on　Duane　Street　just　as　the　young　night　began　to　make　itself　felt。　　First　he　walked　through　the　streets；　going　softly　and　quietly　along；　thinking　thoughts　that　he　tried　to　put　into　words。　　He　said　that　Helen　White　was　a　flame　danc…　ing　in　the　air　and　that　he　was　a　little　tree　without　leaves　standing　out　sharply　against　the　sky。　　Then　he　said　that　she　was　a　wind；　a　strong　terrible　wind；　coming　out　of　the　darkness　of　a　stormy　sea　and　that　he　was　a　boat　left　on　the　shore　of　the　sea　by　a　fisherman。

That　idea　pleased　the　boy　and　he　sauntered　along　playing　with　it。　　He　went　into　Main　Street　and　sat　on　the　curbing　before　Wacker's　tobacco　store。　　For　an　hour　he　lingered　about　listening　to　the　talk　of　men；　but　it　did　not　interest　him　much　and　he　slipped　away。　　Then　he　decided　to　get　drunk　and　went　into　Willy's　saloon　and　bought　a　bottle　of　whiskey。　　Put…　ting　the　bottle　into　his　pocket；　he　walked　out　of　town；　wanting　to　be　alone　to　think　more　thoughts　and　to　drink　the　whiskey。

Tom　got　drunk　sitting　on　a　bank　of　new　grass　beside　the　road　about　a　mile　north　of　town。　　Before　him　was　a　white　road　and　at　his　back　an　apple　or…　chard　in　full　bloom。　　He　took　a　drink　out　of　the　bottle　and　then　lay　down　on　the　grass。　　He　thought　of　mornings　in　Winesburg　and　of　how　the　stones　in　the　graveled　driveway　by　Banker　White's　house　were　wet　with　dew　and　glistened　in　the　morning　light。　　He　thought　of　the　nights　in　the　barn　when　it　rained　and　he　lay　awake　hearing　the　drumming　of　the　raindrops　and　smelling　the　warm　smell　of　horses　and　of　hay。　　Then　he　thought　of　a　storm　that　had　gone　roaring　through　Winesburg　several　days　before　and；　his　mind　going　back；　he　relived　the　night　he　had　spent　on　the　train　with　his　grandmother　when　the　two　were　coming　from　Cincinnati。　　Sharply　he　remembered　how　strange　it　had　seemed　to　sit　qui…　etly　in　the　coach　and　to　feel　the　power　of　the　engine　hurling　the　train　along　through　the　night。

Tom　got　drunk　in　a　very　short　time。　　He　kept　tak…　ing　drinks　from　the　bottle　as　the　thoughts　visited　him　and　when　his　head　began　to　reel　got　up　and　walked　along　the　road　going　away　from　Winesburg。　There　was　a　bridge　on　the　road　that　ran　out　of　Winesburg　north　to　Lake　Erie　and　the　drunken　boy　made　his　way　along　the　road　to　the　bridge。　　There　he　sat　down。　　H