5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第20部分
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ager。 Mike Newton was the most surprising of my torments。 Who would have ever dreamed that such a generic； boring mortal could be so infuriating？ To be fair； I should have felt some gratitude to the annoying boy； more than the others； he kept the girl talking。 I learned so much about her through these conversations I was still piling my list but； contrarily； Mike s assistance with this project only aggravated me more。 I didn t want Mike to be the one that unlocked her secrets。 I wanted to do that。 It helped that he never noticed her small revelations； her little slips。 He knew nothing about her。 He d created a Bella in his head that didn t exist a girl just as generic as he was。 He hadn t observed the unselfishness and bravery that set her apart from other humans； he didn t hear the abnormal maturity of her spoken thoughts。 He didn t perceive that when she spoke of her mother； she sounded like a parent speaking of a child rather than the other way around loving； indulgent； slightly amused； and fiercely protective。 He didn t hear the patience in her voice when she feigned interest in his rambling stories； and didn t guess at the kindness behind that patience。 Through her conversations with Mike； I was able to add the most important quality to my list； the most revealing of them all； as simple as it was rare。 Bella was good。 All the other things added up to that whole kind and selfeffacing and unselfish and loving and brave she was good through and through。 These helpful discoveries did not warm me to the boy； however。 The possessive way he viewed Bella as if she were an acquisition to be made provoked me almost as much as his crude fantasies about her。 He was being more confident of her； too； as the time passed； for she seemed to prefer him over those he considered his rivals Tyler Crowley； Eric Yorkie； and even； sporadically； myself。 He would routinely sit on her side of our table before class began； chattering at her； encouraged by her smiles。 Just polite smiles； I told myself。 All the same； I frequently amused myself by imagining backhanding him across the room and into the far wall It probably wouldn t injure him fatally
Mike didn t often think of me as a rival。 After the accident； he d worried that Bella and I would bond from the shared experience； but obviously the opposite had resulted。 Back then； he had still been bothered that I d singled Bella out over her peers for attention。 But now I ignored her just as thoroughly as the others； and he grew placent。 What was she thinking now？ Did she wele his attention？ And； finally； the last of my torments； the most painful： Bella s indifference。 As I ignored her； she ignored me。 She never tried to speak to me again。 For all I knew； she never thought about me at all。 This might have driven me mad or even broken my resolution to change the future except that she sometimes stared at me like she had before。 I didn t see it for myself； as I could not allow myself to look at her； but Alice always warned us when she was about to stare； the others were still wary of the girl s problematic knowledge。 It eased some of the pain that she gazed at me from across a distance； every now and then。 Of course； she could just be wondering what kind of a freak I was。 Bella s going to stare at Edward in a minute。 Look normal； Alice said one Tuesday in March； and the others were careful to fidget and shift their weight like humans； absolute stillness was a marker of our kind。 I paid attention to how often she looked my direction。 It pleased me； though it should not； that the frequency did not decline as the time passed。 I didn t know what it meant； but it made me feel better。 Alice sighed。 I wish It s not going to happen。 In a Stay out of it； Alice； I said under my breath。 She pouted。 Alice was anxious to form her envisioned friendship with Bella。 strange way； she missed the girl she didn t know。 I ll admit； you re better than I thought。 You ve got the future all snarled up and senseless again。 I hope you re happy。 It makes plenty of sense to me。 She snorted delicately。 I tried to shut her out； too impatient for conversation。 I wasn t in a very good mood tenser than I let any of them see。 Only Jasper was aware of how tightly wound I was； feeling the stress emanate out of me with his unique ability to both sense and influence the moods of others。 He didn t understand the reasons behind the moods； though； and since I was constantly in a foul mood these days he disregarded it。 Today would be a hard one。 Harder than the day before； as was the pattern。 Mike Newton； the odious boy whom I could not allow myself to rival； was going to ask Bella on a date。 A girl s choice dance was on the near horizon； and he d been hoping very much that Bella would ask him。 That she had not done so had rattled his confidence。 Now he was in an unfortable bind I enjoyed his disfort more than I should because Jessica Stanley had just asked him to the dance。 He didn t want to say yes；
still hopeful that Bella would choose him （and prove him the victor over his rivals）； but he didn t want to say no and end up missing the dance altogether。 Jessica； hurt by his hesitation and guessing the reason behind it； was thinking daggers at Bella。 Again； I had the instinct to place myself between Jessica s angry thoughts and Bella。 I understood the instinct better now； but that only made it more frustrating when I could not act on it。 To think it had e to this！ I was utterly fixated on the petty high school dramas that I d once held so in contempt。 Mike was working up his nerve as he walked Bella to biology。 I listened to his struggles as I waited for them to arrive。 The boy was weak。 He had waited for this dance purposely； afraid to make his infatuation known before she had shown a marked preference for him。 He didn t want to make himself vulnerable to rejection； preferring that she make that leap first。 Coward。 He sat down on our table again； fortable with long familiarity； and I imagined the sound it would make if his body hit the opposite wall with enough force to break most of his bones。 So； he said to the girl； his eyes on the floor。 dance。 Jessica asked me to the spring That s great； Bella answered immediately and with enthusiasm。 It was hard not to smile as her tone sunk in to Mike s awareness。 He d been hoping for dismay。 You ll have a lot of fun with Jessica。 He scrambled for the right response。 Well he hesitated； and almost chickened out。 Then he rallied。 I told her I had to think about it。 Why would you do that？ she demanded。 Her tone was one of disapproval； but there was the faintest hint of relief there as well。 What did that mean？ An unexpected； intense fury made my hands clench into fists。 Mike did not hear the relief。 His face was red with blood fierce as I suddenly felt； this seemed like an invitation and he looked at the floor again as he spoke。 I was wondering if well； if you might be planning to ask me。 Bella hesitated。 In that moment of her hesitation； I saw the future more clearly than Alice ever had。 The girl might say yes to Mike s unspoken question now； and she might not； but either way； someday soon； she would say yes to someone。 She was lovely and intriguing； and human males were not oblivious to this fact。 Whether she would settle for someone in this lackluster crowd； or wait until she was free from Forks； the day would e that she would say yes。 I saw her life as I had before college； career love； marriage。 I saw her on her father s arm again； dressed in gauzy white； her face flushed with happiness as she moved to the sound of Wagner s march。
The pain was more than anything I d felt before。 A human would have to be on the point of death to feel this pain a human would not live through it。 And not just pain； but outright rage。 The fury ached for some kind of physical outlet。 Though this insignificant； undeserving boy might not be the one that Bella would say yes to； I yearned to crush his skull in my hand； to let him stand as a representative for whoever it would be。 I didn t understand this emotion it was such a tangle of pain and rage and desire and despair。 I had never felt it before； I couldn t put a name to it。 Mike； I think you should tell her yes； Bella said in a gentle voice。 Mike s hopes plummeted。 I would have enjoyed that under other circumstances； but I was lost in the aftershock of the pain and the remorse for what the pain and rage had done to me。 Alice was right。 I was not strong enough。 Right now； Alice would be watching the future spin and twist； bee mangled again。 Would this please her？ Did you already ask someone？ Mike asked sullenly。 He glanced at me； suspicious for the first time in many weeks。 I realized I had betrayed my interest； my head was inclined in Bella s direction。 The wild envy in his thoughts envy for whoever this girl preferred to him suddenly put a name to my unnamed emotion。 I was jealous。 No； the girl said with a trace of humor in her voice。 dance at all。 I m not going to the Suddenly； I was Through all the remorse and anger； I felt relief at her words。 considering my rivals。 Why not？ Mike asked； his tone almost rude。 tone with her。 I bit back a growl。 It offended me that he used this I m going to Seattle that Saturday； she answered。 The curiosity was not as vicious as it would ha
