madame bovary-第65部分

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which　depended　the　honour；　the　very　life　of　a　third　person。

〃No　matter！〃　she　said；　looking　at　him　sadly。　〃I　have　suffered
much。〃

He　replied　philosophically

〃Such　is　life！〃

〃Has　life；〃　Emma　went　on；　〃been　good　to　you　at　least；　since　our
separation？〃

〃Oh；　neither　good　nor　bad。〃

〃Perhaps　it　would　have　been　better　never　to　have　parted。〃

〃Yes；　perhaps。〃

〃You　think　so？〃　she　said；　drawing　nearer；　and　she　sighed。　〃Oh；
Rodolphe！　if　you　but　knew！　I　loved　you　so！〃

It　was　then　that　she　took　his　hand；　and　they　remained　some　time；
their　fingers　intertwined；　like　that　first　day　at　the　Show。　With
a　gesture　of　pride　he　struggled　against　this　emotion。　But　sinking
upon　his　breast　she　said　to　him

〃How　did　you　think　I　could　live　without　you？　One　cannot　lose　the
habit　of　happiness。　I　was　desolate。　I　thought　I　should　die。　I
will　tell　you　about　all　that　and　you　will　see。　And　youyou　fled
from　me！〃

For；　all　the　three　years；　he　had　carefully　avoided　her　in
consequence　of　that　natural　cowardice　that　characterises　the
stronger　sex。　Emma　went　on；　with　dainty　little　nods；　more　coaxing
than　an　amorous　kitten

〃You　love　others；　confess　it！　Oh；　I　understand　them；　dear！　I
excuse　them。　You　probably　seduced　them　as　you　seduced　me。　You　are
indeed　a　man；　you　have　everything　to　make　one　love　you。　But　we'll
begin　again；　won't　we？　We　will　love　one　another。　See！　I　am
laughing；　I　am　happy！　Oh；　speak！〃

And　she　was　charming　to　see；　with　her　eyes；　in　which　trembled　a
tear；　like　the　rain　of　a　storm　in　a　blue　corolla。

He　had　drawn　her　upon　his　knees；　and　with　the　back　of　his　hand
was　caressing　her　smooth　hair；　where　in　the　twilight　was　mirrored
like　a　golden　arrow　one　last　ray　of　the　sun。　She　bent　down　her
brow；　at　last　he　kissed　her　on　the　eyelids　quite　gently　with　the
tips　of　his　lips。

〃Why；　you　have　been　crying！　What　for？〃

She　burst　into　tears。　Rodolphe　thought　this　was　an　outburst　of
her　love。　As　she　did　not　speak；　he　took　this　silence　for　a　last
remnant　of　resistance；　and　then　he　cried　out

〃Oh；　forgive　me！　You　are　the　only　one　who　pleases　me。　I　was
imbecile　and　cruel。　I　love　you。　I　will　love　you　always。　What　is
it。　Tell　me！〃　He　was　kneeling　by　her。

〃Well；　I　am　ruined；　Rodolphe！　You　must　lend　me　three　thousand
francs。〃

〃Butbut〃　said　he；　getting　up　slowly；　while　his　face　assumed　a
grave　expression。

〃You　know；〃　she　went　on　quickly；　〃that　my　husband　had　placed　his
whole　fortune　at　a　notary's。　He　ran　away。　So　we　borrowed；　the
patients　don't　pay　us。　Moreover；　the　settling　of　the　estate　is
not　yet　done；　we　shall　have　the　money　later　on。　But　to…day；　for
want　of　three　thousand　francs；　we　are　to　be　sold　up。　It　is　to　be
at　once；　this　very　moment；　and；　counting　upon　your　friendship；　I
have　come　to　you。〃

〃Ah！〃　thought　Rodolphe；　turning　very　pale；　〃that　was　what　she
came　for。〃　At　last　he　said　with　a　calm　air

〃Dear　madame；　I　have　not　got　them。〃

He　did　not　lie。　If　he　had　had　them；　he　would；　no　doubt；　have
given　them；　although　it　is　generally　disagreeable　to　do　such　fine
things：　a　demand　for　money　being；　of　all　the　winds　that　blow　upon
love；　the　coldest　and　most　destructive。

First　she　looked　at　him　for　some　moments。

〃You　have　not　got　them！〃　she　repeated　several　times。　〃You　have
not　got　them！　I　ought　to　have　spared　myself　this　last　shame。　You
never　loved　me。　You　are　no　better　than　the　others。〃

She　was　betraying；　ruining　herself。

Rodolphe　interrupted　her；　declaring　he　was　〃hard　up〃　himself。

〃Ah！　I　pity　you；〃　said　Emma。　〃Yesvery　much。〃

And　fixing　her　eyes　upon　an　embossed　carabine；　that　shone　against
its　panoply；　〃But　when　one　is　so　poor　one　doesn't　have　silver　on
the　butt　of　one's　gun。　One　doesn't　buy　a　clock　inlaid　with
tortoise　shell；〃　she　went　on；　pointing　to　a　buhl　timepiece；　〃nor
silver…gilt　whistles　for　one's　whips；〃　and　she　touched　them；　〃nor
charms　for　one's　watch。　Oh；　he　wants　for　nothing！　even　to　a
liqueur…stand　in　his　room！　For　you　love　yourself；　you　live　well。
You　have　a　chateau；　farms；　woods；　you　go　hunting；　you　travel　to
Paris。　Why；　if　it　were　but　that；〃　she　cried；　taking　up　two　studs
from　the　mantelpiece；　〃but　the　least　of　these　trifles；　one　can
get　money　for　them。　Oh；　I　do　not　want　them；　keep　them！〃

And　she　threw　the　two　links　away　from　her；　their　gold　chain
breaking　as　it　struck　against　the　wall。

〃But　I！　I　would　have　given　you　everything。　I　would　have　sold　all；
worked　for　you　with　my　hands；　I　would　have　begged　on　the
highroads　for　a　smile；　for　a　look；　to　hear　you　say　'Thanks！'　And
you　sit　there　quietly　in　your　arm…chair；　as　if　you　had　not　made
me　suffer　enough　already！　But　for　you；　and　you　know　it；　I　might
have　lived　happily。　What　made　you　do　it？　Was　it　a　bet？　Yet　you
loved　meyou　said　so。　And　but　a　moment　sinceAh！　it　would　have
been　better　to　have　driven　me　away。　My　hands　are　hot　with　your
kisses；　and　there　is　the　spot　on　the　carpet　where　at　my　knees　you
swore　an　eternity　of　love！　You　made　me　believe　you；　for　two　years
you　held　me　in　the　most　magnificent；　the　sweetest　dream！　Eh！　Our
plans　for　the　journey；　do　you　remember？　Oh；　your　letter！　your
letter！　it　tore　my　heart！　And　then　when　I　come　back　to　himto
him；　rich；　happy；　freeto　implore　the　help　the　first　stranger
would　give；　a　suppliant；　and　bringing　back　to　him　all　my
tenderness；　he　repulses　me　because　it　would　cost　him　three
thousand　francs！〃

〃I　haven't　got　them；〃　replied　Rodolphe；　with　that　perfect　calm
with　which　resigned　rage　covers　itself　as　with　a　shield。

She　went　out。　The　walls　trembled；　the　ceiling　was　crushing　her；
and　she　passed　back　through　the　long　alley；　stumbling　against　the
heaps　of　dead　leaves　scattered　by　the　wind。　At　last　she　reached
the　ha…ha　hedge　in　front　of　the　gate；　she　broke　her　nails　against
the　lock　in　her　haste　to　open　it。　Then　a　hundred　steps　farther
on；　breathless；　almost　falling；　she　stopped。　And　now　turning
round；　she　once　more　saw　the　impassive　chateau；　with　the　park；
the　gardens；　the　three　courts；　and　all　the　windows　of　the　facade。

She　remained　lost　in　stupor；　and　having　no　more　consciousness　of
herself　than　through　the　beating　of　her　arteries；　that　she　seemed
to　hear　bursting　forth　like　a　deafening　music　filling　all　the
fields。　The　earth　beneath　her　feet　was　more　yielding　than　the
sea；　and　the　furrows　seemed　to　her　immense　brown　waves　breaking
into　foam。　Everything　in　her　head；　of　memories；　ideas；　went　off
at　once　like　a　thousand　pieces　of　fireworks。　She　saw　her　father；
Lheureux's　closet；　their　room　at　home；　another　landscape。　Madness
was　coming　upon　her；　she　grew　afraid；　and　managed　to　recover
herself；　in　a　confused　way；　it　is　true；　for　she　did　not　in　the；
least　remember　the　cause　of　the　terrible　condition　she　was　in；
that　is　to　say；　the　question　of　money。　She　suffered　only　in　her
love；　and　felt　her　soul　passing　from　her　in　this　memory；　as
wounded　men；　dying；　feel　their　life　ebb　from　their　bleeding
wounds。

Night　was　falling；　crows　were　flying　about。

Suddenly　it　seemed　to　her　that　fiery　spheres　were　exploding　in
the　air　like　fulminating　balls　when　they　strike；　and　were
whirling；　whirling；　to　melt　at　last　upon　the　snow　between　the
branches　of　the　trees。　In　the　midst　of　each　of　them　appeared　the
face　of　Rodolphe。　They　multiplied　and　drew　near　her；　penetrating；
her。　It　all　disappeared；　she　recognised　the　lights　of　the　houses
that　shone　through　the　fog。

Now　her　situation；　like　an　abyss；　rose　up　before　her。　She　was
panting　as　if　her　heart　would　burst。　Then　in　an　ecstasy　of
heroism；　that　made　her　almost　joyous；　she　ran　down　the　hill；
crossed　the　cow…plank；　the　foot…path；　the　alley；　the　market；　and
reached　the　chemist's　shop。　She　was　about　to　enter；　but　at　the
sound　of　the　bell　someone　might　come；　and　slipping　in　by　the
gate；　holding　her　breath；　feeling　her　way　along　the　walls；　she
went　as　far　as　the　door　of　the　kitchen；　where　a　candle　stuck　on
the　stove　was　burning。　Justin　in　his　shirt…sleeves　was　carrying
out　a　dish。

〃Ah！　they　are　dining；　I　will　wait。〃

He　returned；　she　tapped　at　the　window。　He　went　out。

〃The　key！　the　one　for　upstairs　where　he　keeps　the〃

〃What？〃

And　he　looked　at　her；　astonished　at　the　pallor　of　her　face；　that
stood　out　white　against　the　black　background　of　the　night。　She
seemed　to　him　extraordinarily　beautiful　and　majestic　as　a
phantom。　Without　understanding　what　she　wanted；　he　had　the
presentiment　of　something　terrible。

But　she　went　on　quickly　in　a　love　voice；　in　a　sweet；　melting
voice；　〃I　want　it；　give　it　to　me。〃

As　the　partition　wall　was　thin；　they　could　hear　the　clatter　of
the　forks　on　the　plates　in　the　dining…room。

She　pretended　that　she　wanted　to　kill　the　rats　that　kept　her　from
sleeping。

〃I　must　tell　master。〃

〃No；　stay！〃　Then　with　an　indifferent　air；　〃Oh；　it's　not　worth
while；　I'll　tell　him　presently。　Come；　light　me　upstairs。〃

She　entered　the　corridor　into　which　the　laboratory　door　opened。
Against　the　wall　was　a　key　labelled　Capharnaum。

〃Justin！〃　called　the　druggist　impatiently。

〃Let　us　go　up。〃

And　he　followed　her。　The　key　turned　in　the　lock；　and　she　went
straight　to　the　third　shelf；　so　well　did　her　memory　guide　her；
seized　the　blue　jar；　tore　out　the　cork；　plunged　in　her　hand；　and
withdrawing　it　full　of　a　white　powder；