winesburg,ohio-第4部分

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he　took　as　a　reproach　to　himself。　　When　he　thought　of　her　he　grew　angry　and　swore。　　The　hotel　was　un…　profitable　and　forever　on　the　edge　of　failure　and　he　wished　himself　out　of　it。　　He　thought　of　the　old　house　and　the　woman　who　lived　there　with　him　as　things　defeated　and　done　for。　　The　hotel　in　which　he　had　begun　life　so　hopefully　was　now　a　mere　ghost　of　what　a　hotel　should　be。　　As　he　went　spruce　and　business…like　through　the　streets　of　Winesburg；　he　sometimes　stopped　and　turned　quickly　about　as　though　fearing　that　the　spirit　of　the　hotel　and　of　the　woman　would　follow　him　even　into　the　streets。　〃Damn　such　a　life；　damn　it！〃　he　sputtered　aimlessly。

Tom　Willard　had　a　passion　for　village　politics　and　for　years　had　been　the　leading　Democrat　in　a　strongly　Republican　community。　　Some　day；　he　told　himself；　the　fide　of　things　political　will　turn　in　my　favor　and　the　years　of　ineffectual　service　count　big　in　the　bestowal　of　rewards。　　He　dreamed　of　going　to　Congress　and　even　of　becoming　governor。　　Once　when　a　younger　member　of　the　party　arose　at　a　political　conference　and　began　to　boast　of　his　faithful　service；　Tom　Willard　grew　white　with　fury。　　〃Shut　up；　you；〃　he　roared；　glaring　about。　　〃What　do　you　know　of　service？　What　are　you　but　a　boy？　Look　at　what　I've　done　here！　I　was　a　Democrat　here　in　Winesburg　when　it　was　a　crime　to　be　a　Democrat。　In　the　old　days　they　fairly　hunted　us　with　guns。〃

Between　Elizabeth　and　her　one　son　George　there　was　a　deep　unexpressed　bond　of　sympathy；　based　on　a　girlhood　dream　that　had　long　ago　died。　　In　the　son's　presence　she　was　timid　and　reserved；　but　sometimes　while　he　hurried　about　town　intent　upon　his　duties　as　a　reporter；　she　went　into　his　room　and　closing　the　door　knelt　by　a　little　desk；　made　of　a　kitchen　table；　that　sat　near　a　window。　　In　the　room　by　the　desk　she　went　through　a　ceremony　that　was　half　a　prayer；　half　a　demand；　addressed　to　the　skies。　In　the　boyish　figure　she　yearned　to　see　something　half　forgotten　that　had　once　been　a　part　of　herself　re…　created。　　The　prayer　concerned　that。　　〃Even　though　I　die；　I　will　in　some　way　keep　defeat　from　you；〃　she　cried；　and　so　deep　was　her　determination　that　her　whole　body　shook。　　Her　eyes　glowed　and　she　clenched　her　fists。　　〃If　I　am　dead　and　see　him　becoming　a　meaningless　drab　figure　like　myself；　I　will　come　back；〃　she　declared。　　〃I　ask　God　now　to　give　me　that　privilege。　　I　demand　it。　　I　will　pay　for　it。　　God　may　beat　me　with　his　fists。　　I　will　take　any　blow　that　may　befall　if　but　this　my　boy　be　allowed　to　express　some…　thing　for　us　both。〃　Pausing　uncertainly；　the　woman　stared　about　the　boy's　room。　　〃And　do　not　let　him　become　smart　and　successful　either；〃　she　added　vaguely。

The　communion　between　George　Willard　and　his　mother　was　outwardly　a　formal　thing　without　mean…　ing。　　When　she　was　ill　and　sat　by　the　window　in　her　room　he　sometimes　went　in　the　evening　to　make　her　a　visit。　　They　sat　by　a　window　that　looked　over　the　roof　of　a　small　frame　building　into　Main　Street。　By　turning　their　heads　they　could　see　through　an…　other　window；　along　an　alleyway　that　ran　behind　the　Main　Street　stores　and　into　the　back　door　of　Abner　Groff's　bakery。　　Sometimes　as　they　sat　thus　a　picture　of　village　life　presented　itself　to　them。　　At　the　back　door　of　his　shop　appeared　Abner　Groff　with　a　stick　or　an　empty　milk　bottle　in　his　hand。　　For　a　long　time　there　was　a　feud　between　the　baker　and　a　grey　cat　that　belonged　to　Sylvester　West；　the　druggist。　The　boy　and　his　mother　saw　the　cat　creep　into　the　door　of　the　bakery　and　presently　emerge　followed　by　the　baker；　who　swore　and　waved　his　arms　about。　The　baker's　eyes　were　small　and　red　and　his　black　hair　and　beard　were　filled　with　flour　dust。　　Some…　times　he　was　so　angry　that；　although　the　cat　had　disappeared；　he　hurled　sticks；　bits　of　broken　glass；　and　even　some　of　the　tools　of　his　trade　about。　　Once　he　broke　a　window　at　the　back　of　Sinning's　Hard…　ware　Store。　　In　the　alley　the　grey　cat　crouched　behind　barrels　filled　with　torn　paper　and　broken　bottles　above　which　flew　a　black　swarm　of　flies。　　Once　when　she　was　alone；　and　after　watching　a　prolonged　and　ineffectual　outburst　on　the　part　of　the　baker；　Eliza…　beth　Willard　put　her　head　down　on　her　long　white　hands　and　wept。　　After　that　she　did　not　look　along　the　alleyway　any　more；　but　tried　to　forget　the　con…　test　between　the　bearded　man　and　the　cat。　　It　seemed　like　a　rehearsal　of　her　own　life；　terrible　in　its　vividness。

In　the　evening　when　the　son　sat　in　the　room　with　his　mother；　the　silence　made　them　both　feel　awk…　ward。　　Darkness　came　on　and　the　evening　train　came　in　at　the　station。　　In　the　street　below　feet　tramped　up　and　down　upon　a　board　sidewalk。　　In　the　station　yard；　after　the　evening　train　had　gone；　there　was　a　heavy　silence。　　Perhaps　Skinner　Leason；　the　express　agent；　moved　a　truck　the　length　of　the　station　plat…　form。　　Over　on　Main　Street　sounded　a　man's　voice；　laughing。　　The　door　of　the　express　office　banged。　George　Willard　arose　and　crossing　the　room　fumbled　for　the　doorknob。　　Sometimes　he　knocked　against　a　chair；　making　it　scrape　along　the　floor。　　By　the　win…　dow　sat　the　sick　woman；　perfectly　still；　listless。　　Her　long　hands；　white　and　bloodless；　could　be　seen　drooping　over　the　ends　of　the　arms　of　the　chair。　　〃I　think　you　had　better　be　out　among　the　boys。　　You　are　too　much　indoors；〃　she　said；　striving　to　relieve　the　embarrassment　of　the　departure。　　〃I　thought　I　would　take　a　walk；〃　replied　George　Willard；　who　felt　awkward　and　confused。

One　evening　in　July；　when　the　transient　guests　who　made　the　New　Willard　House　their　temporary　home　had　become　scarce；　and　the　hallways；　lighted　only　by　kerosene　lamps　turned　low；　were　plunged　in　gloom；　Elizabeth　Willard　had　an　adventure。　　She　had　been　ill　in　bed　for　several　days　and　her　son　had　not　come　to　visit　her。　　She　was　alarmed。　　The　feeble　blaze　of　life　that　remained　in　her　body　was　blown　into　a　flame　by　her　anxiety　and　she　crept　out　of　bed；　dressed　and　hurried　along　the　hallway　toward　her　son's　room；　shaking　with　exaggerated　fears。　　As　she　went　along　she　steadied　herself　with　her　hand；　slipped　along　the　papered　walls　of　the　hall　and　breathed　with　difficulty。　　The　air　whistled　through　her　teeth。　　As　she　hurried　forward　she　thought　how　foolish　she　was。　　〃He　is　concerned　with　boyish　af…　fairs；〃　she　told　herself。　　〃Perhaps　he　has　now　begun　to　walk　about　in　the　evening　with　girls。〃

Elizabeth　Willard　had　a　dread　of　being　seen　by　guests　in　the　hotel　that　had　once　belonged　to　her　father　and　the　ownership　of　which　still　stood　re…　corded　in　her　name　in　the　county　courthouse。　　The　hotel　was　continually　losing　patronage　because　of　its　shabbiness　and　she　thought　of　herself　as　also　shabby。　Her　own　room　was　in　an　obscure　corner　and　when　she　felt　able　to　work　she　voluntarily　worked　among　the　beds；　preferring　the　labor　that　could　be　done　when　the　guests　were　abroad　seeking　trade　among　the　merchants　of　Winesburg。

By　the　door　of　her　son's　room　the　mother　knelt　upon　the　floor　and　listened　for　some　sound　from　within。　　When　she　heard　the　boy　moving　about　and　talking　in　low　tones　a　smile　came　to　her　lips。　　George　Willard　had　a　habit　of　talking　aloud　to　himself　and　to　hear　him　doing　so　had　always　given　his　mother　a　peculiar　pleasure。　　The　habit　in　him；　she　felt；　strengthened　the　secret　bond　that　existed　between　them。　　A　thousand　times　she　had　whispered　to　her…　self　of　the　matter。　　〃He　is　groping　about；　trying　to　find　himself；〃　she　thought。　　〃He　is　not　a　dull　clod；　all　words　and　smartness。　　Within　him　there　is　a　secret　something　that　is　striving　to　grow。　　It　is　the　thing　I　let　be　killed　in　myself。〃

In　the　darkness　in　the　hallway　by　the　door　the　sick　woman　arose　and　started　again　toward　her　own　room。　　She　was　afraid　that　the　door　would　open　and　the　boy　come　upon　her。　　When　she　had　reached　a　safe　distance　and　was　about　to　turn　a　corner　into　a　second　hallway　she　stopped　and　bracing　herself　with　her　hands　waited；　thinking　to　shake　off　a　trembling　fit　of　weakness　that　had　come　upon　her。　The　presence　of　the　boy　in　the　room　had　made　her　happy。　　In　her　bed；　during　the　long　hours　alone；　the　little　fears　that　had　visited　her　had　become　giants。　Now　they　were　all　gone。　　〃When　I　get　back　to　my　room　I　shall　sleep；〃　she　murmured　gratefully。

But　Elizabeth　Willard　was　not　to　return　to　her　bed　and　to　sleep。　　As　she　stood　trembling　in　the　darkness　the　door　of　her　son's　room　opened　and　the　boy's　father；　Tom　Willard；　stepped　out。　　In　the　light　that　steamed　out　at　the　door　he　stood　with　the　knob　in　his　hand　and　talked。　　What　he　said　infuriated　the　woman。

Tom　Willard　was　ambitious　for　his　son。　　He　had　always　thought　of　himself　as　a　successful　man；　al…　though　nothing　he　had　ever　done　had　turned　out　successfully。　　However；　when　he　was　out　of　sight　of　the　New　Willard　House　and　had　no　fear　of　coming　upon　his　wife；　he　swaggered　and　began　to　drama…　tize　himself　as　one　of　the　chief　men　of　the　town。　　He　wanted　his　son　to　succeed。　　He　it　was　who　had　se…　cured　for　the　boy　the　position　on　the　Winesburg　Eagle。　　Now；　with　a　ring　of　earnestness　in　his　voice；　he　was　advising　concerning　some　course　of　conduct。　〃I　tell　you　what；　George；　you've　got　to　wake　up；〃　he　said　sharply。　　〃Will　Henderson　has　spoken　to　me　three　times　concerning　the　matter。　　He　says　you　go　along　for　hours　not　hearing　when　yo