winesburg,ohio-第28部分

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g　blue　childlike　eyes　stared　about！　On　the　walls　were　pictures　he　had　made；　crude　things；　half　fin…　ished。　　His　friends　talked　of　these。　　Leaning　back　in　their　chairs；　they　talked　and　talked　with　their　heads　rocking　from　side　to　side。　　Words　were　said　about　line　and　values　and　composition；　lots　of　words；　such　as　are　always　being　said。

Enoch　wanted　to　talk　too　but　he　didn't　know　how。　He　was　too　excited　to　talk　coherently。　　When　he　tried　he　sputtered　and　stammered　and　his　voice　sounded　strange　and　squeaky　to　him。　　That　made　him　stop　talking。　　He　knew　what　he　wanted　to　say；　but　he　knew　also　that　he　could　never　by　any　possibility　say　it。　　When　a　picture　he　had　painted　was　under　discussion；　he　wanted　to　burst　out　with　something　like　this：　〃You　don't　get　the　point；〃　he　wanted　to　explain；　〃the　picture　you　see　doesn't　consist　of　the　things　you　see　and　say　words　about。　　There　is　some…　thing　else；　something　you　don't　see　at　all；　something　you　aren't　intended　to　see。　　Look　at　this　one　over　here；　by　the　door　here；　where　the　light　from　the　window　falls　on　it。　　The　dark　spot　by　the　road　that　you　might　not　notice　at　all　is；　you　see；　the　beginning　of　everything。　　There　is　a　clump　of　elders　there　such　as　used　to　grow　beside　the　road　before　our　house　back　in　Winesburg；　Ohio；　and　in　among　the　elders　there　is　something　hidden。　　It　is　a　woman；　that's　what　it　is。　　She　has　been　thrown　from　a　horse　and　the　horse　has　run　away　out　of　sight。　　Do　you　not　see　how　the　old　man　who　drives　a　cart　looks　anxiously　about？　That　is　Thad　Grayback　who　has　a　farm　up　the　road。　　He　is　taking　corn　to　Winesburg　to　be　ground　into　meal　at　Comstock's　mill。　　He　knows　there　is　something　in　the　elders；　something　hidden　away；　and　yet　he　doesn't　quite　know。

〃It's　a　woman　you　see；　that's　what　it　is！　It's　a　woman　and；　oh；　she　is　lovely！　She　is　hurt　and　is　suffering　but　she　makes　no　sound。　　Don't　you　see　how　it　is？　She　lies　quite　still；　white　and　still；　and　the　beauty　comes　out　from　her　and　spreads　over　everything。　　It　is　in　the　sky　back　there　and　all　around　everywhere。　　I　didn't　try　to　paint　the　woman；　of　course。　　She　is　too　beautiful　to　be　painted。　　How　dull　to　talk　of　composition　and　such　things！　Why　do　you　not　look　at　the　sky　and　then　run　away　as　I　used　to　do　when　I　was　a　boy　back　there　in　Winesburg；　Ohio？〃

That　is　the　kind　of　thing　young　Enoch　Robinson　trembled　to　say　to　the　guests　who　came　into　his　room　when　he　was　a　young　fellow　in　New　York　City；　but　he　always　ended　by　saying　nothing。　　Then　he　began　to　doubt　his　own　mind。　　He　was　afraid　the　things　he　felt　were　not　getting　expressed　in　the　pictures　he　painted。　　In　a　half　indignant　mood　he　stopped　inviting　people　into　his　room　and　presently　got　into　the　habit　of　locking　the　door。　　He　began　to　think　that　enough　people　had　visited　him；　that　he　did　not　need　people　any　more。　　With　quick　imagina…　tion　he　began　to　invent　his　own　people　to　whom　he　could　really　talk　and　to　whom　he　explained　the　things　he　had　been　unable　to　explain　to　living　peo…　ple。　　His　room　began　to　be　inhabited　by　the　spirits　of　men　and　women　among　whom　he　went；　in　his　turn　saying　words。　　It　was　as　though　everyone　Enoch　Robinson　had　ever　seen　had　left　with　him　some　es…　sence　of　himself；　something　he　could　mould　and　change　to　suit　his　own　fancy；　something　that　under…　stood　all　about　such　things　as　the　wounded　woman　behind　the　elders　in　the　pictures。

The　mild；　blue…eyed　young　Ohio　boy　was　a　com…　plete　egotist；　as　all　children　are　egotists。　　He　did　not　want　friends　for　the　quite　simple　reason　that　no　child　wants　friends。　　He　wanted　most　of　all　the　peo…　ple　of　his　own　mind；　people　with　whom　he　could　really　talk；　people　he　could　harangue　and　scold　by　the　hour；　servants；　you　see；　to　his　fancy。　　Among　these　people　he　was　always　self…confident　and　bold。　They　might　talk；　to　be　sure；　and　even　have　opinions　of　their　own；　but　always　he　talked　last　and　best。　　He　was　like　a　writer　busy　among　the　figures　of　his　brain；　a　kind　of　tiny　blue…eyed　king　he　was；　in　a　six…　dollar　room　facing　Washington　Square　in　the　city　of　New　York。

Then　Enoch　Robinson　got　married。　　He　began　to　get　lonely　and　to　want　to　touch　actual　flesh…and…　bone　people　with　his　hands。　　Days　passed　when　his　room　seemed　empty。　　Lust　visited　his　body　and　de…　sire　grew　in　his　mind。　　At　night　strange　fevers；　burn…　ing　within；　kept　him　awake。　　He　married　a　girl　who　sat　in　a　chair　next　to　his　own　in　the　art　school　and　went　to　live　in　an　apartment　house　in　Brooklyn。　　Two　children　were　born　to　the　woman　he　married；　and　Enoch　got　a　job　in　a　place　where　illustrations　are　made　for　advertisements。

That　began　another　phase　of　Enoch's　life。　　He　began　to　play　at　a　new　game。　　For　a　while　he　was　very　proud　of　himself　in　the　role　of　producing　citi…　zen　of　the　world。　　He　dismissed　the　essence　of　things　and　played　with　realities。　　In　the　fall　he　voted　at　an　election　and　he　had　a　newspaper　thrown　on　his　porch　each　morning。　　When　in　the　evening　he　came　home　from　work　he　got　off　a　streetcar　and　walked　sedately　along　behind　some　business　man；　striving　to　look　very　substantial　and　important。　　As　a　payer　of　taxes　he　thought　he　should　post　himself　on　how　things　are　run。　　〃I'm　getting　to　be　of　some　moment；　a　real　part　of　things；　of　the　state　and　the　city　and　all　that；〃　he　told　himself　with　an　amusing　miniature　air　of　dignity。　　Once；　coming　home　from　Philadel…　phia；　he　had　a　discussion　with　a　man　met　on　a　train。　Enoch　talked　about　the　advisability　of　the　govern…　ment's　owning　and　operating　the　railroads　and　the　man　gave　him　a　cigar。　　It　was　Enoch's　notion　that　such　a　move　on　the　part　of　the　government　would　be　a　good　thing；　and　he　grew　quite　excited　as　he　talked。　　Later　he　remembered　his　own　words　with　pleasure。　　〃I　gave　him　something　to　think　about；　that　fellow；〃　he　muttered　to　himself　as　he　climbed　the　stairs　to　his　Brooklyn　apartment。

To　be　sure；　Enoch's　marriage　did　not　turn　out。　　He　himself　brought　it　to　an　end。　　He　began　to　feel　choked　and　walled　in　by　the　life　in　the　apartment；　and　to　feel　toward　his　wife　and　even　toward　his　children　as　he　had　felt　concerning　the　friends　who　once　came　to　visit　him。　　He　began　to　tell　little　lies　about　business　engagements　that　would　give　him　freedom　to　walk　alone　in　the　street　at　night　and；　the　chance　offering；　he　secretly　re…rented　the　room　fac…　ing　Washington　Square。　　Then　Mrs。　Al　Robinson　died　on　the　farm　near　Winesburg；　and　he　got　eight　thousand　dollars　from　the　bank　that　acted　as　trustee　of　her　estate。　　That　took　Enoch　out　of　the　world　of　men　altogether。　　He　gave　the　money　to　his　wife　and　told　her　he　could　not　live　in　the　apartment　any　more。　　She　cried　and　was　angry　and　threatened；　but　he　only　stared　at　her　and　went　his　own　way。　　In　reality　the　wife　did　not　care　much。　　She　thought　Enoch　slightly　insane　and　was　a　little　afraid　of　him。　When　it　was　quite　sure　that　he　would　never　come　back；　she　took　the　two　children　and　went　to　a　village　in　Connecticut　where　she　had　lived　as　a　girl。　　In　the　end　she　married　a　man　who　bought　and　sold　real　estate　and　was　contented　enough。

And　so　Enoch　Robinson　stayed　in　the　New　York　room　among　the　people　of　his　fancy；　playing　with　them；　talking　to　them；　happy　as　a　child　is　happy。　They　were　an　odd　lot；　Enoch's　people。　　They　were　made；　I　suppose；　out　of　real　people　he　had　seen　and　who　had　for　some　obscure　reason　made　an　appeal　to　him。　　There　was　a　woman　with　a　sword　in　her　hand；　an　old　man　with　a　long　white　beard　who　went　about　followed　by　a　dog；　a　young　girl　whose　stock…　ings　were　always　coming　down　and　hanging　over　her　shoe　tops。　　There　must　have　been　two　dozen　of　the　shadow　people；　invented　by　the　child…mind　of　Enoch　Robinson；　who　lived　in　the　room　with　him。

And　Enoch　was　happy。　　Into　the　room　he　went　and　locked　the　door。　　With　an　absurd　air　of　impor…　tance　he　talked　aloud；　giving　instructions；　making　comments　on　life。　　He　was　happy　and　satisfied　to　go　on　making　his　living　in　the　advertising　place　until　something　happened。　　Of　course　something　did　hap…　pen。　　That　is　why　he　went　back　to　live　in　Winesburg　and　why　we　know　about　him。　　The　thing　that　hap…　pened　was　a　woman。　　It　would　be　that　way。　　He　was　too　happy。　　Something　had　to　come　into　his　world。　Something　had　to　drive　him　out　of　the　New　York　room　to　live　out　his　life　an　obscure；　jerky　little　fig…　ure；　bobbing　up　and　down　on　the　streets　of　an　Ohio　town　at　evening　when　the　sun　was　going　down　be…　hind　the　roof　of　Wesley　Moyer's　livery　barn。

About　the　thing　that　happened。　　Enoch　told　George　Willard　about　it　one　night。　　He　wanted　to　talk　to　someone；　and　he　chose　the　young　newspaper　re…　porter　because　the　two　happened　to　be　thrown　to…　gether　at　a　time　when　the　younger　man　was　in　a　mood　to　understand。

Youthful　sadness；　young　man's　sadness；　the　sad…　ness　of　a　growing　boy　in　a　village　at　the　year's　end；　opened　the　lips　of　the　old　man。　　The　sadness　was　in　the　heart　of　George　Willard　and　was　without　mean…　ing；　but　it　appealed　to　Enoch　Robinson。

It　rained　on　the　evening　when　the　two　met　and　talked；　a　drizzly　wet　October　rain。　　The　fruition　of　the　year　had　come　and　the　night　should　have　been　fine　with　a　moon　in　the　sky　and　the　crisp　sharp　promise　of　frost　in　the　air；　but　it　wasn't　that　way。　It　rained　and　little　puddles　of　water　shone　under　the　street　lamps　on　Main　Street。　　In　the　woods　in　the　darkness　beyond　t