the narrative of the life-第24部分

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at　my　first　attempt。　　The　appalling　defeat　I　then

sustained　returned　to　torment　me。　　I　felt　assured

that；　if　I　failed　in　this　attempt；　my　case　would　be

a　hopeless　oneit　would　seal　my　fate　as　a　slave　for…

ever。　　I　could　not　hope　to　get　off　with　any　thing　less

than　the　severest　punishment；　and　being　placed

beyond　the　means　of　escape。　　It　required　no　very

vivid　imagination　to　depict　the　most　frightful

scenes　through　which　I　should　have　to　pass；　in　case

I　failed。　　The　wretchedness　of　slavery；　and　the

blessedness　of　freedom；　were　perpetually　before　me。

It　was　life　and　death　with　me。　　But　I　remained

firm；　and；　according　to　my　resolution；　on　the　third

day　of　September；　1838；　I　left　my　chains；　and　suc…

ceeded　in　reaching　New　York　without　the　slightest

interruption　of　any　kind。　　How　I　did　so；what　means

I　adopted；what　direction　I　travelled；　and　by　what

mode　of　conveyance；I　must　leave　unexplained；

for　the　reasons　before　mentioned。

　

　　I　have　been　frequently　asked　how　I　felt　when　I

found　myself　in　a　free　State。　　I　have　never　been　able

to　answer　the　question　with　any　satisfaction　to　my…

self。　　It　was　a　moment　of　the　highest　excitement　I

ever　experienced。　　I　suppose　I　felt　as　one　may　imagine

the　unarmed　mariner　to　feel　when　he　is　rescued

by　a　friendly　man…of…war　from　the　pursuit　of　a　pirate。

In　writing　to　a　dear　friend；　immediately　after　my

arrival　at　New　York；　I　said　I　felt　like　one　who　had

escaped　a　den　of　hungry　lions。　　This　state　of　mind；

however；　very　soon　subsided；　and　I　was　again　seized

with　a　feeling　of　great　insecurity　and　loneliness。　　I

was　yet　liable　to　be　taken　back；　and　subjected　to

all　the　tortures　of　slavery。　　This　in　itself　was　enough

to　damp　the　ardor　of　my　enthusiasm。　　But　the　lone…

liness　overcame　me。　　There　I　was　in　the　midst　of

thousands；　and　yet　a　perfect　stranger；　without　home

and　without　friends；　in　the　midst　of　thousands　of　my

own　brethrenchildren　of　a　common　Father；　and

yet　I　dared　not　to　unfold　to　any　one　of　them　my

sad　condition。　　I　was　afraid　to　speak　to　any　one　for

fear　of　speaking　to　the　wrong　one；　and　thereby　fall…

ing　into　the　hands　of　money…loving　kidnappers；

whose　business　it　was　to　lie　in　wait　for　the　panting

fugitive；　as　the　ferocious　beasts　of　the　forest　lie　in

wait　for　their　prey。　　The　motto　which　I　adopted

when　I　started　from　slavery　was　this〃Trust　no

man！〃　　I　saw　in　every　white　man　an　enemy；　and　in

almost　every　colored　man　cause　for　distrust。　　It　was

a　most　painful　situation；　and；　to　understand　it；　one

must　needs　experience　it；　or　imagine　himself　in

similar　circumstances。　　Let　him　be　a　fugitive　slave　in

a　strange　landa　land　given　up　to　be　the　hunting…

ground　for　slaveholderswhose　inhabitants　are　legal…

ized　kidnapperswhere　he　is　every　moment　sub…

jected　to　the　terrible　liability　of　being　seized　upon

by　his　fellowmen；　as　the　hideous　crocodile　seizes

upon　his　prey！I　say；　let　him　place　himself　in　my

situationwithout　home　or　friendswithout　money

or　creditwanting　shelter；　and　no　one　to　give　it

wanting　bread；　and　no　money　to　buy　it；and　at　the

same　time　let　him　feel　that　he　is　pursued　by　merci…

less　men…hunters；　and　in　total　darkness　as　to　what

to　do；　where　to　go；　or　where　to　stay；perfectly　help…

less　both　as　to　the　means　of　defence　and　means　of

escape；in　the　midst　of　plenty；　yet　suffering　the　ter…

rible　gnawings　of　hunger；in　the　midst　of　houses；

yet　having　no　home；among　fellow…men；　yet　feeling

as　if　in　the　midst　of　wild　beasts；　whose　greediness

to　swallow　up　the　trembling　and　half…famished　fugi…

tive　is　only　equalled　by　that　with　which　the　monsters

of　the　deep　swallow　up　the　helpless　fish　upon　which

they　subsist；I　say；　let　him　be　placed　in　this　most

trying　situation；the　situation　in　which　I　was　placed；

then；　and　not　till　then；　will　he　fully　appreciate　the

hardships　of；　and　know　how　to　sympathize　with；　the

toil…worn　and　whip…scarred　fugitive　slave。

　

　　Thank　Heaven；　I　remained　but　a　short　time　in

this　distressed　situation。　　I　was　relieved　from　it　by　the

humane　hand　of　Mr。　DAVID　RUGGLES；　whose　vigi…

lance；　kindness；　and　perseverance；　I　shall　never　for…

get。　　I　am　glad　of　an　opportunity　to　express；　as　far　as

words　can；　the　love　and　gratitude　I　bear　him。　　Mr。

Ruggles　is　now　afflicted　with　blindness；　and　is　him…

self　in　need　of　the　same　kind　offices　which　he　was

once　so　forward　in　the　performance　of　toward　others。

I　had　been　in　New　York　but　a　few　days；　when　Mr。

Ruggles　sought　me　out；　and　very　kindly　took　me

to　his　boarding…house　at　the　corner　of　Church　and

Lespenard　Streets。　　Mr。　Ruggles　was　then　very　deeply

engaged　in　the　memorable　~Darg~　case；　as　well　as　at…

tending　to　a　number　of　other　fugitive　slaves；　devis…

ing　ways　and　means　for　their　successful　escape；　and；

though　watched　and　hemmed　in　on　almost　every

side；　he　seemed　to　be　more　than　a　match　for　his

enemies。

　

　　Very　soon　after　I　went　to　Mr。　Ruggles；　he　wished

to　know　of　me　where　I　wanted　to　go；　as　he　deemed

it　unsafe　for　me　to　remain　in　New　York。　　I　told　him

I　was　a　calker；　and　should　like　to　go　where　I　could

get　work。　　I　thought　of　going　to　Canada；　but　he　de…

cided　against　it；　and　in　favor　of　my　going　to　New

Bedford；　thinking　I　should　be　able　to　get　work　there

at　my　trade。　　At　this　time；　Anna；*　my　intended　wife；

came　on；　for　I　wrote　to　her　immediately　after　my

arrival　at　New　York；　（notwithstanding　my　homeless；

houseless；　and　helpless　condition；）　informing　her　of

my　successful　flight；　and　wishing　her　to　come　on

forthwith。　　In　a　few　days　after　her　arrival；　Mr。　Rug…

gles　called　in　the　Rev。　J。　W。　C。　Pennington；　who；　in

the　presence　of　Mr。　Ruggles；　Mrs。　Michaels；　and

two　or　three　others；　performed　the　marriage　cere…

mony；　and　gave　us　a　certificate；　of　which　the　fol…

lowing　is　an　exact　copy：

　

　

　　〃This　may　certify；　that　I　joined　together　in　holy

matrimony　Frederick　Johnson＋　and　Anna　Murray；　as

man　and　wife；　in　the　presence　of　Mr。　David　Ruggles

and　Mrs。　Michaels。

　

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃JAMES　W。　C。　PENNINGTON

　

　　〃NEW　YORK；　SEPT。　15；　1838〃

　

　

　　Upon　receiving　this　certificate；　and　a　five…dollar

bill　from　Mr。　Ruggles；　I　shouldered　one　part　of　our

baggage；　and　Anna　took　up　the　other；　and　we　set

out　forthwith　to　take　passage　on　board　of　the　steam…

boat　John　W。　Richmond　for　Newport；　on　our　way

to　New　Bedford。　　Mr。　Ruggles　gave　me　a　letter　to　a

Mr。　Shaw　in　Newport；　and　told　me；　in　case　my

money　did　not　serve　me　to　New　Bedford；　to　stop　in

Newport　and　obtain　further　assistance；　but　upon　our

　

　

　　*She　was　free。

　

　　＋I　had　changed　my　name　from　Frederick　BAILEY

to　that　of　JOHNSON。

　

　

arrival　at　Newport；　we　were　so　anxious　to　get　to　a

place　of　safety；　that；　notwithstanding　we　lacked　the

necessary　money　to　pay　our　fare；　we　decided　to　take

seats　in　the　stage；　and　promise　to　pay　when　we　got

to　New　Bedford。　　We　were　encouraged　to　do　this　by

two　excellent　gentlemen；　residents　of　New　Bedford；

whose　names　I　afterward　ascertained　to　be　Joseph

Ricketson　and　William　C。　Taber。　　They　seemed　at

once　to　understand　our　circumstances；　and　gave　us

such　assurance　of　their　friendliness　as　put　us　fully

at　ease　in　their　presence。　　It　was　good　indeed　to　meet

with　such　friends；　at　such　a　time。　　Upon　reaching

New　Bedford；　we　were　directed　to　the　house　of　Mr。

Nathan　Johnson；　by　whom　we　were　kindly　received；

and　hospitably　provided　for。　　Both　Mr。　and　Mrs。

Johnson　took　a　deep　and　lively　interest　in　our　wel…

fare。　　They　proved　themselves　quite　worthy　of　the

name　of　abolitionists。　　When　the　stage…driver　found

us　unable　to　pay　our　fare；　he　held　on　upon　our　bag…

gage　as　security　for　the　debt。　　I　had　but　to　mention

the　fact　to　Mr。　Johnson；　and　he　forthwith　advanced

the　money。

　

　　We　now　began　to　feel　a　degree　of　safety；　and　to

prepare　ourselves　for　the　duties　and　responsibilities

of　a　life　of　freedom。　　On　the　morning　after　our　ar…

rival　at　New　Bedford；　while　at　the　breakfast…table；

the　question　arose　as　to　what　name　I　should　be

called　by。　　The　name　given　me　by　my　mother　was；

〃Frederick　Augustus　Washington　Bailey。〃　　I；　how…

ever；　had　dispensed　with　the　two　middle　names　long

before　I　left　Maryland　so　that　I　was　generally　known

by　the　name　of　〃Frederick　Bailey。〃　　I　started　from

Baltimore　bearing　the　name　of　〃Stanley。〃　　When　I

got　to　New　York；　I　again　changed　my　name　to　〃Fred…

erick　Johnson；〃　and　thought　that　would　be　the　last

change。　　But　when　I　got　to　New　Bedford；　I　found　it

necessary　again　to　change　my　name。　　The　reason　of

this　necessity　was；　that　there　were　so　many　Johnsons

in　New　Bedford；　it　was　already　quite　difficult　to

distinguish　between　them。　　I　gave　Mr。　Johnson　the

privilege　of　choosing　me　a　name；　but　told　him　he

must　not　take　from　me　the　name　of　〃Frederick。〃

I　must　hold　on　to　that；　to　preserve　a　sense　of　my

identity。　　Mr。　Johnson　had　just　been　reading　the

〃Lady　of　the　Lake；〃　and　at　once　suggested　that　my

name　be　〃Douglass。〃　　From　that　time　un