the narrative of the life-第23部分

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imagine　himself　surrounded　by　myriads　of　invisible

tormentors；　ever　ready　to　snatch　from　his　infernal

grasp　his　trembling　prey。　　Let　him　be　left　to　feel

his　way　in　the　dark；　let　darkness　commensurate　with

his　crime　hover　over　him；　and　let　him　feel　that　at

every　step　he　takes；　in　pursuit　of　the　flying　bondman；

he　is　running　the　frightful　risk　of　having　his　hot

brains　dashed　out　by　an　invisible　agency。　　Let　us

render　the　tyrant　no　aid；　let　us　not　hold　the　light

by　which　he　can　trace　the　footprints　of　our　flying

brother。　　But　enough　of　this。　　I　will　now　proceed　to

the　statement　of　those　facts；　connected　with　my

escape；　for　which　I　am　alone　responsible；　and　for

which　no　one　can　be　made　to　suffer　but　myself。

　

　　In　the　early　part　of　the　year　1838；　I　became　quite

restless。　　I　could　see　no　reason　why　I　should；　at　the

end　of　each　week；　pour　the　reward　of　my　toil　into

the　purse　of　my　master。　　When　I　carried　to　him　my

weekly　wages；　he　would；　after　counting　the　money；

look　me　in　the　face　with　a　robber…like　fierceness；

and　ask；　〃Is　this　all？〃　　He　was　satisfied　with　nothing

less　than　the　last　cent。　　He　would；　however；　when　I

made　him　six　dollars；　sometimes　give　me　six　cents；

to　encourage　me。　　It　had　the　opposite　effect。　　I　re…

garded　it　as　a　sort　of　admission　of　my　right　to　the

whole。　　The　fact　that　he　gave　me　any　part　of　my

wages　was　proof；　to　my　mind；　that　he　believed　me

entitled　to　the　whole　of　them。　　I　always　felt　worse

for　having　received　any　thing；　for　I　feared　that　the

giving　me　a　few　cents　would　ease　his　conscience；

and　make　him　feel　himself　to　be　a　pretty　honorable

sort　of　robber。　　My　discontent　grew　upon　me。　　I　was

ever　on　the　look…out　for　means　of　escape；　and；　find…

ing　no　direct　means；　I　determined　to　try　to　hire　my

time；　with　a　view　of　getting　money　with　which　to

make　my　escape。　　In　the　spring　of　1838；　when　Master

Thomas　came　to　Baltimore　to　purchase　his　spring

goods；　I　got　an　opportunity；　and　applied　to　him　to

allow　me　to　hire　my　time。　　He　unhesitatingly　refused

my　request；　and　told　me　this　was　another　stratagem

by　which　to　escape。　　He　told　me　I　could　go　nowhere

but　that　he　could　get　me；　and　that；　in　the　event

of　my　running　away；　he　should　spare　no　pains　in　his

efforts　to　catch　me。　　He　exhorted　me　to　content

myself；　and　be　obedient。　　He　told　me；　if　I　would

be　happy；　I　must　lay　out　no　plans　for　the　future。

He　said；　if　I　behaved　myself　properly；　he　would　take

care　of　me。　　Indeed；　he　advised　me　to　complete

thoughtlessness　of　the　future；　and　taught　me　to　de…

pend　solely　upon　him　for　happiness。　　He　seemed　to

see　fully　the　pressing　necessity　of　setting　aside　my

intellectual　nature；　in　order　to　contentment　in

slavery。　　But　in　spite　of　him；　and　even　in　spite　of

myself；　I　continued　to　think；　and　to　think　about

the　injustice　of　my　enslavement；　and　the　means　of

escape。

　

　　About　two　months　after　this；　I　applied　to　Master

Hugh　for　the　privilege　of　hiring　my　time。　　He　was

not　acquainted　with　the　fact　that　I　had　applied　to

Master　Thomas；　and　had　been　refused。　　He　too；　at

first；　seemed　disposed　to　refuse；　but；　after　some　re…

flection；　he　granted　me　the　privilege；　and　proposed

the　following　terms：　I　was　to　be　allowed　all　my

time；　make　all　contracts　with　those　for　whom　I

worked；　and　find　my　own　employment；　and；　in　re…

turn　for　this　liberty；　I　was　to　pay　him　three　dollars

at　the　end　of　each　week；　find　myself　in　calking　tools；

and　in　board　and　clothing。　　My　board　was　two　dol…

lars　and　a　half　per　week。　　This；　with　the　wear　and

tear　of　clothing　and　calking　tools；　made　my　regular

expenses　about　six　dollars　per　week。　　This　amount

I　was　compelled　to　make　up；　or　relinquish　the

privilege　of　hiring　my　time。　　Rain　or　shine；　work　or

no　work；　at　the　end　of　each　week　the　money　must

be　forthcoming；　or　I　must　give　up　my　privilege。　　This

arrangement；　it　will　be　perceived；　was　decidedly　in

my　master's　favor。　　It　relieved　him　of　all　need　of

looking　after　me。　　His　money　was　sure。　　He　received

all　the　benefits　of　slaveholding　without　its　evils；

while　I　endured　all　the　evils　of　a　slave；　and　suffered

all　the　care　and　anxiety　of　a　freeman。　　I　found　it　a

hard　bargain。　　But；　hard　as　it　was；　I　thought　it　better

than　the　old　mode　of　getting　along。　　It　was　a　step

towards　freedom　to　be　allowed　to　bear　the　respon…

sibilities　of　a　freeman；　and　I　was　determined　to　hold

on　upon　it。　　I　bent　myself　to　the　work　of　making

money。　　I　was　ready　to　work　at　night　as　well　as　day；

and　by　the　most　untiring　perseverance　and　industry；

I　made　enough　to　meet　my　expenses；　and　lay　up

a　little　money　every　week。　　I　went　on　thus　from　May

till　August。　　Master　Hugh　then　refused　to　allow　me

to　hire　my　time　longer。　　The　ground　for　his　refusal

was　a　failure　on　my　part；　one　Saturday　night；　to　pay

him　for　my　week's　time。　　This　failure　was　occasioned

by　my　attending　a　camp　meeting　about　ten　miles

from　Baltimore。　　During　the　week；　I　had　entered

into　an　engagement　with　a　number　of　young　friends

to　start　from　Baltimore　to　the　camp　ground　early

Saturday　evening；　and　being　detained　by　my　em…

ployer；　I　was　unable　to　get　down　to　Master　Hugh's

without　disappointing　the　company。　　I　knew　that

Master　Hugh　was　in　no　special　need　of　the　money

that　night。　　I　therefore　decided　to　go　to　camp　meet…

ing；　and　upon　my　return　pay　him　the　three　dollars。

I　staid　at　the　camp　meeting　one　day　longer　than　I

intended　when　I　left。　　But　as　soon　as　I　returned；　I

called　upon　him　to　pay　him　what　he　considered　his

due。　　I　found　him　very　angry；　he　could　scarce　restrain

his　wrath。　　He　said　he　had　a　great　mind　to　give　me　a

severe　whipping。　　He　wished　to　know　how　I　dared

go　out　of　the　city　without　asking　his　permission。　　I

told　him　I　hired　my　time　and　while　I　paid　him　the

price　which　he　asked　for　it；　I　did　not　know　that　I

was　bound　to　ask　him　when　and　where　I　should　go。

This　reply　troubled　him；　and；　after　reflecting　a　few

moments；　he　turned　to　me；　and　said　I　should　hire

my　time　no　longer；　that　the　next　thing　he　should

know　of；　I　would　be　running　away。　　Upon　the　same

plea；　he　told　me　to　bring　my　tools　and　clothing

home　forthwith。　　I　did　so；　but　instead　of　seeking

work；　as　I　had　been　accustomed　to　do　previously　to

hiring　my　time；　I　spent　the　whole　week　without

the　performance　of　a　single　stroke　of　work。　　I　did　this

in　retaliation。　　Saturday　night；　he　called　upon　me

as　usual　for　my　week's　wages。　　I　told　him　I　had　no

wages；　I　had　done　no　work　that　week。　　Here　we

were　upon　the　point　of　coming　to　blows。　　He　raved；

and　swore　his　determination　to　get　hold　of　me。　　I　did

not　allow　myself　a　single　word；　but　was　resolved；　if

he　laid　the　weight　of　his　hand　upon　me；　it　should

be　blow　for　blow。　　He　did　not　strike　me；　but　told　me

that　he　would　find　me　in　constant　employment　in

future。　　I　thought　the　matter　over　during　the　next　day；

Sunday；　and　finally　resolved　upon　the　third　day　of

September；　as　the　day　upon　which　I　would　make　a

second　attempt　to　secure　my　freedom。　　I　now　had

three　weeks　during　which　to　prepare　for　my　journey。

Early　on　Monday　morning；　before　Master　Hugh　had

time　to　make　any　engagement　for　me；　I　went　out

and　got　employment　of　Mr。　Butler；　at　his　ship…yard

near　the　drawbridge；　upon　what　is　called　the　City

Block；　thus　making　it　unnecessary　for　him　to　seek

employment　for　me。　　At　the　end　of　the　week；　I

brought　him　between　eight　and　nine　dollars。　　He

seemed　very　well　pleased；　and　asked　why　I　did　not

do　the　same　the　week　before。　　He　little　knew　what

my　plans　were。　　My　object　in　working　steadily　was

to　remove　any　suspicion　he　might　entertain　of　my

intent　to　run　away；　and　in　this　I　succeeded　admi…

rably。　　I　suppose　he　thought　I　was　never　better

satisfied　with　my　condition　than　at　the　very　time

during　which　I　was　planning　my　escape。　　The　second

week　passed；　and　again　I　carried　him　my　full　wages；

and　so　well　pleased　was　he；　that　he　gave　me　twenty…

five　cents；　（quite　a　large　sum　for　a　slaveholder　to

give　a　slave；）　and　bade　me　to　make　a　good　use　of　it。

I　told　him　I　would。

　

　　Things　went　on　without　very　smoothly　indeed；

but　within　there　was　trouble。　　It　is　impossible　for

me　to　describe　my　feelings　as　the　time　of　my　con…

templated　start　drew　near。　　I　had　a　number　of　warm…

hearted　friends　in　Baltimore；friends　that　I　loved

almost　as　I　did　my　life；and　the　thought　of　being

separated　from　them　forever　was　painful　beyond

expression。　　It　is　my　opinion　that　thousands　would

escape　from　slavery；　who　now　remain；　but　for　the

strong　cords　of　affection　that　bind　them　to　their

friends。　　The　thought　of　leaving　my　friends　was　de…

cidedly　the　most　painful　thought　with　which　I　had

to　contend。　　The　love　of　them　was　my　tender　point；

and　shook　my　decision　more　than　all　things　else。

Besides　the　pain　of　separation；　the　dread　and　appre…

hension　of　a　failure　exceeded　what　I　had　experienced

at　my　first　attempt。　　The　appalling　defeat　I　then

sustained　returned　to　torment　m