5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第36部分

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　please；　I　pleaded。　I　m　sorry；　what？　I　barely　had　enough　control　to　try　to　explain　what　I　needed。　Just　prattle　about　something　unimportant　until　I　calm　down；　I　instructed；　my　jaw　still　locked。　Only　the　fact　that　she　needed　me　held　me　inside　the　car。　I　could　hear　the　man　s　thoughts；　his　disappointment　and　anger　I　knew　where　to　find　him　I　closed　my　eyes；　wishing　that　I　couldn　t　see　anyway　Um　She　hesitated　trying　to　make　sense　of　my　request；　I　imagined。　I　m　going　to　run　over　Tyler　Crowley　tomorrow　before　school？　She　said　this　like　it　was　a　question。　Yes　this　was　what　I　needed。　Of　course　Bella　would　e　up　with　something　unexpected。　Like　it　had　been　before；　the　threat　of　violence　ing　through　her　lips　was　hilarious　so　ical　it　was　jarring。　If　I　had　not　been　burning　with　the　urge　to　kill；　I　would　have　laughed。　Why？　I　barked　out；　to　force　her　to　speak　again。　He　s　telling　everyone　that　he　s　taking　me　to　prom；　she　said；　her　voice　filled　with　her　tigerkitten　outrage。　Either　he　s　insane　or　he　s　still　trying　to　make　up　for　almost　killing　me　last　well　you　remember　it；　she　inserted　dryly；　and　he　thinks　prom　is　somehow　the　correct　way　to　do　this。　So　I　figure　if　I　endanger　his　life；　then　we　re　even；　and　he　can　t　keep　trying　to　make　amends。　I　don　t　need　enemies　and　maybe　Lauren　would　back　off　if　he　left　me　alone。　I　might　have　to　total　his　Sentra；　though；　she　went　on；　thoughtful　now。　If　he　doesn　t　have　a　ride　he　can　t　take　anyone　to　prom　It　was　encouraging　to　see　that　she　sometimes　got　things　wrong。　Tyler　s　persistence　had　nothing　to　do　with　the　accident。　She　didn　t　seem　to　understand　the　appeal　she　held　for　the　human　boys　at　the　high　school。　Did　she　not　see　the　appeal　she　had　for　me；　either？　Ah；　it　was　working。　The　baffling　processes　of　her　mind　were　always　engrossing。　was　beginning　to　gain　control　of　myself；　to　see　something　beyond　vengeance　and　torture　I

I　heard　about　that；　I　told　her。　continue。　She　had　stopped　talking；　and　I　needed　her　to　You　did？　she　asked　incredulously。　And　then　her　voice　was　angrier　than　before。　If　he　s　paralyzed　from　the　neck　down；　he　can　t　go　to　the　prom　either。　I　wished　there　was　someway　I　could　ask　her　to　continue　with　the　threats　of　death　and　bodily　harm　with　out　sounding　insane。　She　couldn　t　have　picked　a　better　way　to　calm　me。　And　her　words　just　sarcasm　in　her　case；　hyperbole　were　a　reminder　I　dearly　needed　in　this　moment。　I　sighed；　and　opened　my　eyes。　Better？　she　asked　timidly。　Not　really。　No；　I　was　calmer；　but　not　better。　Because　I　d　just　realized　that　I　could　not　kill　the　monster　named　Lonnie；　and　I　still　wanted　that　more　than　almost　anything　else　in　the　world。　Almost。　The　only　thing　in　this　moment　that　I　wanted　more　than　to　mit　a　highly　justifiable　murder；　was　this　girl。　And；　though　I　couldn　t　have　her；　just　the　dream　of　having　her　made　it　impossible　for　me　to　go　on　a　killing　spree　tonight　no　matter　how　defensible　such　a　thing　might　be。　Bella　deserved　better　than　a　killer。　I　d　spent　seven　decades　trying　to　be　something　other　than　that　anything　other　than　a　killer。　Those　years　of　effort　could　never　make　me　worthy　of　the　girl　sitting　beside　me。　And　yet；　I　felt　that　if　I　returned　to　that　life　the　life　of　a　killer　for　even　one　night；　I　would　surely　put　her　out　of　my　reach　forever。　Even　if　I　didn　t　drink　their　blood　even　if　I　didn　t　have　that　evidence　blazing　red　in　my　eyes　wouldn　t　she　sense　the　difference？　I　was　trying　to　be　good　enough　for　her。　trying。　What　s　wrong？　she　whispered。　Her　breath　filled　my　nose；　and　I　was　reminded　why　I　could　not　deserve　her。　After　all　of　this；　even　with　as　much　as　I　loved　her　she　still　made　my　mouth　water。　I　would　give　her　as　much　honesty　as　I　could。　I　owed　her　that。　It　was　an　impossible　goal。　I　would　keep　Sometimes　I　have　a　problem　with　my　temper；　Bella。　I　stared　out　into　the　black　night；　wishing　both　that　she　would　hear　the　horror　inherent　in　my　words　and　also　that　she　would　not。　Mostly　that　she　would　not。　Run；　Bella；　run。　Stay；　Bella；　stay。　But　it　wouldn　t　be　helpful　for　me　to　turn　around　and　hunt　down　those　Just　thinking　about　it　almost　pulled　me　from　the　car。　I　took　a　deep　breath；　letting　her　scent　scorch　down　my　throat。　At　least；　that　s　what　I　m　trying　to　convince　myself。　Oh。　She　said　nothing　else。　How　much　had　she　heard　in　my　words？　I　glanced　at　her　furtively；　but　her　face　was　unreadable。　Blank　with　shock；　perhaps。　Well；　she

wasn　t　screaming。　Not　yet。　I　warred　with　myself；　trying　to　be　what　I　should　be。　It　was　quiet　for　a　moment。　What　I　couldn　t　be。　Jessica　and　Angela　will　be　worried；　she　said　quietly。　Her　voice　was　very　calm；　and　I　was　not　sure　how　that　could　be。　Was　she　in　shock？　Maybe　tonight　s　events　hadn　t　sunk　in　for　her　yet。　I　was　supposed　to　meet　them。　Did　she　want　to　be　away　from　me？　worry？　Or　was　she　just　worried　about　her　friends　I　didn　t　answer　her；　but　I　started　the　car　and　took　her　back。　Every　inch　closer　I　got　to　the　town；　the　harder　it　was　to　hold　on　to　my　purpose。　I　was　just　so　close　to　him　If　it　was　impossible　if　I　could　never　have　nor　deserve　this　girl　then　where　was　the　sense　in　letting　the　man　go　unpunished？　Surely　I　could　allow　myself　that　much　No。　I　wasn　t　giving　up。　Not　yet。　I　wanted　her　too　much　to　surrender。　We　were　at　the　restaurant　where　she　was　supposed　to　meet　her　friends　before　I　d　even　begun　to　make　sense　of　my　thoughts。　Jessica　and　Angela　were　finished　eating；　and　both　now　truly　worried　about　Bella。　They　were　on　their　way　to　search　for　her；　heading　off　along　the　dark　street。　It　was　not　a　good　night　for　them　to　be　wandering　How　did　you　know　where　？　Bella　s　unfinished　question　interrupted　me；　and　I　realized　that　I　had　made　yet　another　gaffe。　I　d　been　too　distracted　to　remember　to　ask　her　where　she　was　supposed　to　meet　her　friends。　But；　instead　of　finishing　the　inquiry　and　pressing　the　point；　Bella　just　shook　her　head　and　halfsmiled。　What　did　that　mean？　Well；　I　didn　t　have　time　to　puzzle　over　her　strange　acceptance　of　my　stranger　knowledge。　I　opened　my　door。　What　are　you　doing？　she　asked；　sounding　startled。　Not　letting　you　out　of　my　sight。　Not　allowing　myself　to　be　alone　tonight。　that　order。　I　m　taking　you　to　dinner。　In　Well　this　should　be　interesting。　It　seemed　like　another　night　entirely　when　I　d　imagined　bringing　Alice　along　and　pretending　to　choose　the　same　restaurant　as　Bella　and　her　friends　by　accident。　And　now；　here　I　was；　practically　on　a　date　with　the　girl。　Only　it　didn　t　count；　because　I　wasn　t　giving　her　a　chance　to　say　no。　She　already　had　her　door　half　open　before　I　d　walked　around　the　car　it　wasn　t　usually　so　frustrating　to　have　to　move　at　an　inconspicuous　speed　instead　of　waiting　for　me　to　get　it　for　her。　Was　this　because　she　wasn　t　used　to　being　treated　like　a　lady；　or　because　she　didn　t　think　of　me　as　a　gentleman？　I　waited　for　her　to　join　me；　getting　more　anxious　as　her　girlfriends　continued　in

toward　the　dark　corner。　Go　stop　Jessica　and　Angela　before　I　have　to　track　them　down；　too；　I　ordered　quickly。　I　don　t　think　I　could　restrain　myself　if　I　ran　into　your　other　friends　again。　No；　I　would　not　be　strong　enough　for　that。　She　shuddered；　and　then　quickly　collected　herself。　She　took　half　a　step　after　them；　calling；　Jess！　Angela！　in　a　loud　voice。　They　turned；　and　she　waved　her　arm　over　her　head　to　catch　their　attention。　Bella！　Oh；　she　s　safe！　Angela　thought　with　relief。　Late　much？　Jessica　grumbled　to　herself；　but　she；　too；　was　thankful　that　Bella　wasn　t　lost　or　hurt。　This　made　me　like　her　a　little　more　than　I　had。　They　hurried　back；　and　then　stopped；　shocked；　when　they　saw　me　beside　her。　Uhuh！　Jess　thought；　stunned。　No　freaking　way！　Edward　Cullen？　Did　she　go　away　by　herself　to　find　him？　But　why　would　she　ask　about　them　being　out　of　town　if　she　knew　he　was　here　I　got　a　brief　flash　of　Bella　s　mortified　expression　when　she　d　asked　Angela　if　my　family　was　often　absent　from　school。　No；　she　couldn　t　have　known；　Angela　decided。　Jessica　s　thoughts　were　moving　past　the　surprise　and　on　to　suspicion。　been　holding　out　on　me。　Bella　s　Where　have　you　been？　she　demanded；　staring　at　Bella；　but　peeking　at　me　from　the　corner　of　her　eye。　I　got　lost。　And　then　I　ran　into　Edward；　Bella　said；　waving　one　hand　toward　me。　Her　tone　was　remarkably　normal。　Like　that　was　truly　all　that　had　happened。　She　must　be　in　shock。　That　was　the　only　explanation　for　her　calm。　Would　it　be　all　right　if　I　joined　you？　I　asked　to　be　polite；　I　knew　that　they　d　already　eaten。　Holy　crap　but　he　s　hot！　Jessica　thought；　her　head　suddenly　slightly　incoherent。　Angela　wasn　t　much　more　posed。　why　couldn　t　I　do　that　to　Bella？　Er　sure；　Jessica　agreed。　Angela　frowned。　Um；　actually；　Bella；　we　already　ate　while　we　were　waiting；　she　admitted。　Sorry。　What？　Shut　up！　Jess　plained　internally。　So　at　ease。　Definitely　in　shock。　That　s　fine　I　m　not　Wish　we　hadn　t　eaten。　Wow。　Just。　Wow。　Now　Bella　shrugged　casually。　hungry。　I　think　you　should　eat　something；　I　disagreed。　She　needed　sugar　in　her　bloodstream　though　it　smelled　sweet　enough　as　it　was；　I　thought　wryly。　The　horror　was　going　to　e　crashing　down　on　her　momentarily；　and　an　empty　stomach　wouldn　t　help。

She　was　an　easy　fainter；　as　I　knew　from　experience。　These　girls　wouldn　t　be　in　any　danger　if　they　went　straight　home。　stalk　their　every　step。　Danger　didn　t　And　I　d　rather　be　alone　with　Bella　as　long　as　she　was　willing　to　be　alone　with　me。　Do　you　mind　if