简爱(英文版)-第82部分
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near me more than once； and I had again and again to change my quarters； no sense of safety or tranquillity befriended me。 Towards morning it rained； the whole of the following day was wet。 Do not ask me； reader； to give a minute account of that day； as before； I sought work； as before； I was repulsed； as before； I starved； but once did food pass my lips。 At the door of a cottage I saw a little girl about to throw a mess of cold porridge into a pig trough。 “Will you give me that？” I asked。
She stared at me。 “Mother！” she exclaimed； “there is a woman wants me to give her these porridge。”
“Well lass；” replied a voice within； “give it her if she’s a beggar。 T pig doesn’t want it。”
The girl emptied the stiffened mould into my hand； and I devoured it ravenously。
As the wet twilight deepened； I stopped in a solitary bridle…path； which I had been pursuing an hour or more。
“My strength is quite failing me；” I said in a soliloquy。 “I feel I cannot go much farther。 Shall I be an outcast again this night？ While the rain descends so； must I lay my head on the cold； drenched ground？ I fear I cannot do otherwise： for who will receive me？ But it will be very dreadful； with this feeling of hunger； faintness； chill； and this sense of desolation—this total prostration of hope。 In all likelihood； though； I should die before morning。 And why cannot I reconcile myself to the prospect of death？ Why do I struggle to retain a valueless life？ Because I know； or believe； Mr。 Rochester is living： and then； to die of want and cold is a fate to which nature cannot submit passively。 Oh； Providence！ sustain me a little longer！ Aid！—direct me！”
My glazed eye wandered over the dim and misty landscape。 I saw I had strayed far from the village： it was quite out of sight。 The very cultivation surrounding it had disappeared。 I had； by cross… ways and by…paths； once more drawn near the tract of moorland； and now； only a few fields； almost as wild and unproductive as the heath from which they were scarcely reclaimed； lay between me and the dusky hill。
“Well； I would rather die yonder than in a street or on a frequented road；” I reflected。 “And far better that crows and ravens—if any ravens there be in these regions—should pick my flesh from my bones； than that they should be prisoned in a workhouse coffin and moulder in a pauper’s grave。”
To the hill； then； I turned。 I reached it。 It remained now only to find a hollow where I could lie down； and feel at least hidden； if not secure。 But all the surface of the waste looked level。 It showed no variation but of tint： green； where rush and moss overgrew the marshes； black； where the dry soil bore only heath。 Dark as it was getting； I could still see these changes； though but as mere alternations of light and shade； for colour had faded with the daylight。
My eye still roved over the sullen swell and along the moor…edge； vanishing amidst the wildest scenery； when at one dim point； far in among the marshes and the ridges； a light sprang up。 “That is an ignis fatuus；” was my first thought； and I expected it would soon vanish。 It burnt on； however； quite steadily； neither receding nor advancing。 “Is it； then； a bonfire just kindled？” I questioned。 I watched to see whether it would spread： but no； as it did not diminish； so it did not enlarge。 “It may be a candle in a house；” I then conjectured； “but if so； I can never reach it。 It is much too far away： and were it within a yard of me； what would it avail？ I should but knock at the door to have it shut in my face。”
And I sank down where I stood； and hid my face against the ground。 I lay still a while： the night…wind swept over the hill and over me； and died moaning in the distance； the rain fell fast； wetting me afresh to the skin。 Could I but have stiffened to the still frost— the friendly numbness of death—it might have pelted on； I should not have felt it； but my yet living flesh shuddered at its chilling influence。 I rose ere long。
The light was yet there； shining dim but constant through the rain。 I tried to walk again： I dragged my exhausted limbs slowly towards it。 It led me aslant over the hill； through a wide bog； which would have been impassable in winter； and was splashy and shaking even now； in the height of summer。 Here I fell twice； but as often I rose and rallied my faculties。 This light was my forlorn hope： I must gain it。
Having crossed the marsh； I saw a trace of white over the moor。 I approached it； it was a road or a track： it led straight up to the light； which now beamed from a sort of knoll； amidst a clump of trees—firs； apparently； from what I could distinguish of the character of their forms and foliage through the gloom。 My star vanished as I drew near： some obstacle had intervened between me and it。 I put out my hand to feel the dark mass before me： I discriminated the rough stones of a low wall—above it； something like palisades； and within； a high and prickly hedge。 I groped on。 Again a whitish object gleamed before me： it was a gate—a wicket； it moved on its hinges as I touched it。 On each side stood a sable bush…holly or yew。
Entering the gate and passing the shrubs； the silhouette of a house rose to view； black； low； and rather long； but the guiding light shone nowhere。 All was obscurity。 Were the inmates retired to rest？ I feared it must be so。 In seeking the door； I turned an angle： there shot out the friendly gleam again； from the lozenged panes of a very small latticed window； within a foot of the ground； made still smaller by the growth of ivy or some other creeping plant； whose leaves clustered thick over the portion of the house wall in which it was set。 The aperture was so screened and narrow； that curtain or shutter had been deemed unnecessary； and when I stooped down and put aside the spray of foliage shooting over it； I could see all within。 I could see clearly a room with a sanded floor； clean scoured； a dresser of walnut； with pewter plates ranged in rows； reflecting the redness and radiance of a glowing peat…fire。 I could see a clock； a white deal table； some chairs。 The candle； whose ray had been my beacon； burnt on the table； and by its light an elderly woman； somewhat rough…looking； but scrupulously clean； like all about her； was knitting a stocking。
I noticed these objects cursorily only—in them there was nothing extraordinary。 A group of more interest appeared near the hearth； sitting still amidst the rosy peace and warmth suffusing it。 Two young； graceful women—ladies in every point—sat； one in a low rocking…chair； the other on a lower stool； both wore deep mourning of crape and bombazeen； which sombre garb singularly set off very fair necks and faces： a large old pointer dog rested its massive head on the knee of one girl—in the lap of the other was cushioned a black cat。
A strange place was this humble kitchen for such occupants！ Who were they？ They could not be the daughters of the elderly person at the table； for she looked like a rustic； and they were all delicacy and cultivation。 I had nowhere seen such faces as theirs： and yet； as I gazed on them； I seemed intimate with every lineament。 I cannot call them handsome—they were too pale and grave for the word： as they each bent over a book； they looked thoughtful almost to severity。 A stand between them supported a second candle and two great volumes； to paring them； seemingly； with the smaller books they held in their hands； like people consulting a dictionary to aid them in the task of translation。 This scene was as silent as if all the figures had been shadows and the firelit apartment a picture： so hushed was it； I could hear the cinders fall from the grate； the clock tick in its obscure corner； and I even fancied I could distinguish the click… click of the woman’s knitting…needles。 When； therefore； a voice broke the strange stillness at last； it was audible enough to me。
“Listen； Diana；” said one of the absorbed students； “Franz and old Daniel are together in the night…time； and Franz is telling a dream from which he has awakened in terror—listen！” And in a low voice she read something； of which not one word was intelligible to me； for it was in an unknown tongue—neither French nor Latin。 Whether it were Greek or German I could not tell。
“That is strong；” she said； when she had finished： “I relish it。” The other girl； who had lifted her head to listen to her sister； repeated； while she gazed at the fire； a line of what had been read。 At a later day； I knew the language and the book； therefore； I will here quote the line： though； when I first heard it； it was only like a stroke on sounding brass to me—conveying no meaning：—
“‘Da trat hervor Einer； anzusehen wie die Sternen Nacht。’ Good！ good！” she exclaimed； while her dark and deep eye sparkled。 “There you have a dim and mighty archangel fitly set before you！ The line is worth a hundred pages of fustian。 ‘Ich wage die Gedanken in der Schale meines Zornes und die Werke mit dem Gewichte meines Grimms。’ I like it！”
Both were again silent。
“Is there ony country where they talk i’ that way？” asked the old woman； looking up from her knitting。
“Yes； Hannah—a far larger country than England； where they talk in no other way。”
“Well； for sure case；
