简爱(英文版)-第73部分
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“My uncle！ What of him？ Do you know him？”
“Mr。 Mason does。 Mr。 Eyre has been the Funchal correspondent of his house for some years。 When your uncle received your letter intimating the contemplated union between yourself and Mr。 Rochester； Mr。 Mason； who was staying at Madeira to recruit his health； on his way back to Jamaica； happened to be with him。 Mr。 Eyre mentioned the intelligence； for he knew that my client here was acquainted with a gentleman of the name of Rochester。 Mr。 Mason； astonished and distressed as you may suppose； revealed the real state of matters。 Your uncle； I am sorry to say； is now on a sick bed； from which； considering the nature of his disease—decline—and the stage it has reached； it is unlikely he will ever rise。 He could not then hasten to England himself； to extricate you from the snare into which you had fallen； but he implored Mr。 Mason to lose no time in taking steps to prevent the false marriage。 He referred him to me for assistance。 I used all despatch； and am thankful I was not too late： as you； doubtless； must be also。 Were I not morally certain that your uncle will be dead ere you reach Madeira； I would advise you to acpany Mr。 Mason back； but as it is； I think you had better remain in England till you can hear further； either from or of Mr。 Eyre。 Have we anything else to stay for？” he inquired of Mr。 Mason。
“No； no—let us be gone；” was the anxious reply； and without waiting to take leave of Mr。 Rochester； they made their exit at the hall door。 The clergyman stayed to exchange a few sentences； either of admonition or reproof； with his haughty parishioner； this duty done； he too departed。
I heard him go as I stood at the half…open door of my own room； to which I had now withdrawn。 The house cleared； I shut myself in； fastened the bolt that none might intrude； and proceeded—not to weep； not to mourn； I was yet too calm for that； but—mechanically to take off the wedding dress； and replace it by the stuff gown I had worn yesterday； as I thought； for the last time。 I then sat down： I felt weak and tired。 I leaned my arms on a table； and my head dropped on them。 And now I thought： till now I had only heard； seen； moved—followed up and down where I was led or dragged—watched event rush on event； disclosure open beyond disclosure： but now； I thought。
The morning had been a quiet morning enough—all except the brief scene with the lunatic： the transaction in the church had not been noisy； there was no explosion of passion； no loud altercation； no dispute； no defiance or challenge； no tears； no sobs： a few words had been spoken； a calmly pronounced objection to the marriage made； some stern； short questions put by Mr。 Rochester； answers； explanations given； evidence adduced； an open admission of the truth had been uttered by my master； then the living proof had been seen； the intruders were gone； and all was over。
I was in my own room as usual—just myself； without obvious change： nothing had smitten me； or scathed me； or maimed me。 And yet where was the Jane Eyre of yesterday？—where was her life？—where were her prospects？
Jane Eyre； who had been an ardent； expectant woman—almost a bride； was a cold； solitary girl again： her life was pale； her prospects were desolate。 A Christmas frost had e at midsummer； a white December storm had whirled over June； ice glazed the ripe apples； drifts crushed the blowing roses； on hayfield and cornfield lay a frozen shroud： lanes which last night blushed full of flowers； to… day were pathless with untrodden snow； and the woods； which twelve hours since waved leafy and flagrant as groves between the tropics； now spread； waste； wild； and white as pine…forests in wintry Norway。 My hopes were all dead—struck with a subtle doom； such as； in one night； fell on all the first…born in the land of Egypt。 I looked on my cherished wishes； yesterday so blooming and glowing； they lay stark； chill； livid corpses that could never revive。 I looked at my love： that feeling which was my master’s—which he had created； it shivered in my heart； like a suffering child in a cold cradle； sickness and anguish had seized it； it could not seek Mr。 Rochester’s arms—it could not derive warmth from his breast。 Oh； never more could it turn to him； for faith was blighted—confidence destroyed！ Mr。 Rochester was not to me what he had been； for he was not what I had thought him。 I would not ascribe vice to him； I would not say he had betrayed me； but the attribute of stainless truth was gone from his idea； and from his presence I must go： THAT I perceived well。 When—how—whither； I could not yet discern； but he himself； I doubted not； would hurry me from Thornfield。 Real affection； it seemed； he could not have for me； it had been only fitful passion： that was balked； he would want me no more。 I should fear even to cross his path now： my view must be hateful to him。 Oh； how blind had been my eyes！ How weak my conduct！
My eyes were covered and closed： eddying darkness seemed to swim round me； and reflection came in as black and confused a flow。 Self…abandoned； relaxed； and effortless； I seemed to have laid me down in the dried…up bed of a great river； I heard a flood loosened in remote mountains； and felt the torrent e： to rise I had no will； to flee I had no strength。 I lay faint； longing to be dead。 One idea only still throbbed life…like within me—a remembrance of God： it begot an unuttered prayer： these words went wandering up and down in my rayless mind； as something that should be whispered； but no energy was found to express them—
“Be not far from me； for trouble is near： there is none to help。”
It was near： and as I had lifted no petition to Heaven to avert it—as I had neither joined my hands； nor bent my knees； nor moved my lips—it came： in full heavy swing the torrent poured over me。 The whole consciousness of my life lorn； my love lost； my hope quenched； my faith death…struck； swayed full and mighty above me in one sullen mass。 That bitter hour cannot be described： in truth； “the waters came into my soul； I sank in deep mire： I felt no standing； I came into deep waters； the floods overflowed me。”
Chapter 27
Some time in the afternoon I raised my head； and looking round and seeing the western sun gilding the sign of its decline on the wall； I asked； “What am I to do？”
But the answer my mind gave—“Leave Thornfield at once”—was so prompt； so dread； that I stopped my ears。 I said I could not bear such words now。 “That I am not Edward Rochester’s bride is the least part of my woe；” I alleged： “that I have wakened out of most glorious dreams； and found them all void and vain； is a horror I could bear and master； but that I must leave him decidedly； instantly； entirely； is intolerable。 I cannot do it。”
But； then； a voice within me averred that I could do it and foretold that I should do it。 I wrestled with my own resolution： I wanted to be weak that I might avoid the awful passage of further suffering I saw laid out for me； and Conscience； turned tyrant； held Passion by the throat； told her tauntingly； she had yet but dipped her dainty foot in the slough； and swore that with that arm of iron he would thrust her down to unsounded depths of agony。
“Let me be torn away；” then I cried。 “Let another help me！”
“No； you shall tear yourself away； none shall help you： you shall yourself pluck out your right eye； yourself cut off your right hand： your heart shall be the victim； and you the priest to transfix it。”
I rose up suddenly； terror…struck at the solitude which so ruthless a judge haunted；—at the silence which so awful a voice filled。 My head swam as I stood erect。 I perceived that I was sickening from excitement and inanition； neither meat nor drink had passed my lips that day； for I had taken no breakfast。 And； with a strange pang； I now reflected that； long as I had been shut up here； no message had been sent to ask how I was； or to invite me to e down： not even little Adèle had tapped at the door； not even Mrs。 Fairfax had sought me。 “Friends always forget those whom fortune forsakes；” I murmured； as I undrew the bolt and passed out。 I stumbled over an obstacle： my head was still dizzy； my sight was dim； and my limbs were feeble。 I could not soon recover myself。 I fell； but not on to the ground： an outstretched arm caught me。 I looked up—I was supported by Mr。 Rochester； who sat in a chair across my chamber threshold。
“You e out at last；” he said。 “Well； I have been waiting for you long； and listening： yet not one movement have I heard； nor one sob： five minutes more of that death…like hush； and I should have forced the lock like a burglar。 So you shun me？—you shut yourself up and grieve alone！ I would rather you had e and upbraided me with vehemence。 You are passionate。 I expected a scene of some kind。 I was prepared for the hot rain of tears； only I wanted them to be shed on my breast： now a senseless floor has received them； or your drenched handkerchief。 But I err： you have not wept at all！ I see a white cheek and a faded eye； but no trace of tears。 I suppose； then； your heart has been weeping blood？”
“Well； Jane！ not a word of reproach？ Nothing bitter—nothing poignant？ Nothing to cut a feeling or sting a passion？ You sit quietly whe
