简爱(英文版)-第58部分

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en　two　rocks；　the　rising　moon；　and　a　ship　crossing　its　disk；　a　group　of　reeds　and　water…flags；　and　a　naiad’s　head；　crowned　with　lotus…flowers；　rising　out　of　them；　an　elf　sitting　in　a　hedge…sparrow’s　nest；　under　a　wreath　of　hawthorn…　bloom
One　morning　I　fell　to　sketching　a　face：　what　sort　of　a　face　it　was　to　be；　I　did　not　care　or　know。　I　took　a　soft　black　pencil；　gave　it　a　broad　point；　and　worked　away。　Soon　I　had　traced　on　the　paper　a　broad　and　prominent　forehead　and　a　square　lower　outline　of　visage：　that　contour　gave　me　pleasure；　my　fingers　proceeded　actively　to　fill　it　with　features。　Strongly…marked　horizontal　eyebrows　must　be　traced　under　that　brow；　then　followed；　naturally；　a　well…defined　nose；　with　a　straight　ridge　and　full　nostrils；　then　a　flexible…　looking　mouth；　by　no　means　narrow；　then　a　firm　chin；　with　a　decided　cleft　down　the　middle　of　it：　of　course；　some　black　whiskers　were　wanted；　and　some　jetty　hair；　tufted　on　the　temples；　and　waved　above　the　forehead。　Now　for　the　eyes：　I　had　left　them　to　the　last；　because　they　required　the　most　careful　working。　I　drew　them　large；　I　shaped　them　well：　the　eyelashes　I　traced　long　and　sombre；　the　irids　lustrous　and　large。　“Good！　but　not　quite　the　thing；”　I　thought；　as　I　surveyed　the　effect：　“they　want　more　force　and　spirit；”　and　I　wrought　the　shades　blacker；　that　the　lights　might　flash　more　brilliantly—a　happy　touch　or　two　secured　success。　There；　I　had　a　friend’s　face　under　my　gaze；　and　what　did　it　signify　that　those　young　ladies　turned　their　backs　on　me？　I　looked　at　it；　I　smiled　at　the　speaking　likeness：　I　was　absorbed　and　content。
“Is　that　a　portrait　of　some　one　you　know？”　asked　Eliza；　who　had　approached　me　unnoticed。　I　responded　that　it　was　merely　a　fancy　head；　and　hurried　it　beneath　the　other　sheets。　Of　course；　I　lied：　it　was；　in　fact；　a　very　faithful　representation　of　Mr。　Rochester。　But　what　was　that　to　her；　or　to　any　one　but　myself？　Georgiana　also　advanced　to　look。　The　other　drawings　pleased　her　much；　but　she　called　that　“an　ugly　man。”　They　both　seemed　surprised　at　my　skill。　I　offered　to　sketch　their　portraits；　and　each；　in　turn；　sat　for　a　pencil　outline。　Then　Georgiana　produced　her　album。　I　promised　to　contribute　a　water…colour　drawing：　this　put　her　at　once　into　good　humour。　She　proposed　a　walk　in　the　grounds。　Before　we　had　been　out　two　hours；　we　were　deep　in　a　confidential　conversation：　she　had　favoured　me　with　a　description　of　the　brilliant　winter　she　had　spent　in　London　two　seasons　ago—of　the　admiration　she　had　there　excited—　the　attention　she　had　received；　and　I　even　got　hints　of　the　titled　conquest　she　had　made。　In　the　course　of　the　afternoon　and　evening　these　hints　were　enlarged　on：　various　soft　conversations　were　reported；　and　sentimental　scenes　represented；　and；　in　short；　a　volume　of　a　novel　of　fashionable　life　was　that　day　improvised　by　her　for　my　benefit。　The　munications　were　renewed　from　day　to　day：　they　always　ran　on　the　same　theme—herself；　her　loves；　and　woes。　It　was　strange　she　never　once　adverted　either　to　her　mother’s　illness；　or　her　brother’s　death；　or　the　present　gloomy　state　of　the　family　prospects。　Her　mind　seemed　wholly　taken　up　with　reminiscences　of　past　gaiety；　and　aspirations　after　dissipations　to　e。　She　passed　about　five　minutes　each　day　in　her　mother’s　sick…room；　and　no　more。
Eliza　still　spoke　little：　she　had　evidently　no　time　to　talk。　I　never　saw　a　busier　person　than　she　seemed　to　be；　yet　it　was　difficult　to　say　what　she　did：　or　rather；　to　discover　any　result　of　her　diligence。　She　had　an　alarm　to　call　her　up　early。　I　know　not　how　she　occupied　herself　before　breakfast；　but　after　that　meal　she　divided　her　time　into　regular　portions；　and　each　hour　had　its　allotted　task。　Three　times　a　day　she　studied　a　little　book；　which　I　found；　on　inspection；　was　a　mon　Prayer　Book。　I　asked　her　once　what　was　the　great　attraction　of　that　volume；　and　she　said；　“the　Rubric。”　Three　hours　she　gave　to　stitching；　with　gold　thread；　the　border　of　a　square　crimson　cloth；　almost　large　enough　for　a　carpet。　In　answer　to　my　inquiries　after　the　use　of　this　article；　she　informed　me　it　was　a　covering　for　the　altar　of　a　new　church　lately　erected　near　Gateshead。　Two　hours　she　devoted　to　her　diary；　two　to　working　by　herself　in　the　kitchen…garden；　and　one　to　the　regulation　of　her　accounts。　She　seemed　to　want　no　pany；　no　conversation。　I　believe　she　was　happy　in　her　way：　this　routine　sufficed　for　her；　and　nothing　annoyed　her　so　much　as　the　occurrence　of　any　incident　which　forced　her　to　vary　its　clockwork　regularity。
She　told　me　one　evening；　when　more　disposed　to　be　municative　than　usual；　that　John’s　conduct；　and　the　threatened　ruin　of　the　family；　had　been　a　source　of　profound　affliction　to　her：　but　she　had　now；　she　said；　settled　her　mind；　and　formed　her　resolution。　Her　own　fortune　she　had　taken　care　to　secure；　and　when　her　mother　died—and　it　was　wholly　improbable；　she　tranquilly　remarked；　that　she　should　either　recover　or　linger　long—she　would　execute　a　long…cherished　project：　seek　a　retirement　where　punctual　habits　would　be　permanently　secured　from　disturbance；　and　place　safe　barriers　between　herself　and　a　frivolous　world。　I　asked　if　Georgiana　would　acpany　her。
“Of　course　not。　Georgiana　and　she　had　nothing　in　mon：　they　never　had　had。　She　would　not　be　burdened　with　her　society　for　any　consideration。　Georgiana　should　take　her　own　course；　and　she；　Eliza；　would　take　hers。”
Georgiana；　when　not　unburdening　her　heart　to　me；　spent　most　of　her　time　in　lying　on　the　sofa；　fretting　about　the　dulness　of　the　house；　and　wishing　over　and　over　again　that　her　aunt　Gibson　would　send　her　an　invitation　up　to　town。　“It　would　be　so　much　better；”　she　said；　“if　she　could　only　get　out　of　the　way　for　a　month　or　two；　till　all　was　over。”　I　did　not　ask　what　she　meant　by　“all　being　over；”　but　I　suppose　she　referred　to　the　expected　decease　of　her　mother　and　the　gloomy　sequel　of　funeral　rites。　Eliza　generally　took　no　more　notice　of　her　sister’s　indolence　and　plaints　than　if　no　such　murmuring；　lounging　object　had　been　before　her。　One　day；　however；　as　she　put　away　her　account…book　and　unfolded　her　embroidery；　she　suddenly　took　her　up　thus—
“Georgiana；　a　more　vain　and　absurd　animal　than　you　was　certainly　never　allowed　to　cumber　the　earth。　You　had　no　right　to　be　born；　for　you　make　no　use　of　life。　Instead　of　living　for；　in；　and　with　yourself；　as　a　reasonable　being　ought；　you　seek　only　to　fasten　your　feebleness　on　some　other　person’s　strength：　if　no　one　can　be　found　willing　to　burden　her　or　himself　with　such　a　fat；　weak；　puffy；　useless　thing；　you　cry　out　that　you　are　ill…treated；　neglected；　miserable。　Then；　too；　existence　for　you　must　be　a　scene　of　continual　change　and　excitement；　or　else　the　world　is　a　dungeon：　you　must　be　admired；　you　must　be　courted；　you　must　be　flattered—you　must　have　music；　dancing；　and　society—or　you　languish；　you　die　away。　Have　you　no　sense　to　devise　a　system　which　will　make　you　independent　of　all　efforts；　and　all　wills；　but　your　own？　Take　one　day；　share　it　into　sections；　to　each　section　apportion　its　task：　leave　no　stray　unemployed　quarters　of　an　hour；　ten　minutes；　five　minutes—include　all；　do　each　piece　of　business　in　its　turn　with　method；　with　rigid　regularity。　The　day　will　close　almost　before　you　are　aware　it　has　begun；　and　you　are　indebted　to　no　one　for　helping　you　to　get　rid　of　one　vacant　moment：　you　have　had　to　seek　no　one’s　pany；　conversation；　sympathy；　forbearance；　you　have　lived；　in　short；　as　an　independent　being　ought　to　do。　Take　this　advice：　the　first　and　last　I　shall　offer　you；　then　you　will　not　want　me　or　any　one　else；　happen　what　may。　Neglect　it—go　on　as　heretofore；　craving；　whining；　and　idling—and　suffer　the　results　of　your　idiocy；　however　bad　and　insuperable　they　may　be。　I　tell　you　this　plainly；　and　listen：　for　though　I　shall　no　more　repeat　what　I　am　now　about　to　say；　I　shall　steadily　act　on　it。　After　my　mother’s　death；　I　wash　my　hands　of　you：　from　the　day　her　coffin　is　carried　to　the　vault　in　Gateshead　Church；　you　and　I　will　be　as　separate　as　if　we　had　never　known　each　other。　You　need　not　think　that　because　we　chanced　to　be　born　of　the　same　parents；　I　shall　suffer　you　to　fasten　me　down　by　even　the　feeblest　claim：　I　can　tell　you　this—if　the　whole　human　race；　ourselves　excepted；　were　swept　away；　and　we　two　stood　alone　on　the　earth；　I　would　leave　you　in　the　old　world；　and　betake　myself　to　the　new。”
She　closed　her　lips。
“You　might　have　spared　yourself　the　trouble　of　delivering　that　tirade；”　answered　Georgiana。　“Everybody　knows　you　are　the　most　selfish；　heartless　creature　in　existence：　and　I　know　your　spiteful　hatred　towards　me：　I　have　had　a　specimen　of　it　before　in　the　trick　you　played　me　about　Lord　Edwin　Vere：　you　could　not　bear　me　to　be　raised　above　you；　to　have　a　title；　to　be　received　into　circles　where　you　dare　not　show　your　face；　and　so　you　acted　the　spy　and　informer；　and　ruined　my　prospects　for　ever。”　Georgiana　took　out　her　handkerchief　and　blew　her　nose　for　an　hour　afterwards；　Eliza　sat　cold；　impassable；　and　assiduously　industrious。
True；　generous　feeling　is　made　small　account　of　by　some；　but　here　were　two　natures　rendered；　the　one　intolerably　acrid；　the　other　despicably　savourless　for　the　want　of　it。　Feeling　without　judgment　is　a　washy　dra