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master meant。 But the close attention my master had shown to the thousands 
of pictures made over the last two hundred years from Bukhara to Herat; from 
Tabriz to Baghdad and all the way to Istanbul; had far exceeded the search for a 
clue in the depiction of some horse’s nostrils。 We’d participated in a kind of 
melancholy  elegy  to  the  inspiration;  talent  and  patience  of  all  the  masters 
who’d painted and illuminated in these lands over the years。 
For this reason; when the doors of the Treasury were opened at the time of 
the evening prayer and Master Osman explained to me that he had no desire 
whatsoever  to  leave;  and  that  furthermore;  only  by  remaining  here  until 
morning  examining  pictures  by  the  light  of  oil  lamps  and  candles  could  he 
execute  properly  Our  Sultan’s  charge;  my  first  response;  as  I  informed  him; 
was to remain here with him and the dwarf。 
However; when the door was opened and my master conveyed our wish to 
the  waiting  chiefs  and  asked  permission  of  the  Head  Treasurer;  immediately 
regretted my decision。 I longed for Shekure and our house。 I grew increasingly 
restless as I wondered how she would manage; spending the night alone with 
the children and how she would batten down the now…repaired shutters of the 
windows。 
Through  the  opened  half  of  the  Treasury  portal;  I  was  beckoned  to  the 
magnificence of life outside by the large damp plane trees in the courtyard of 
the  Enderun—now  under  a  hint  of  fog—and  by  the  gestures  of  two  royal 
pages; speaking to each other in a sign language so as not to disturb the peace 
of Our Sultan; but I remained where I was; frozen by embarrassment and guilt。 
 
 
   
332 
 
WE TWO DERVISHES 
 
Yea; the rumor that our picture was among the pages from China; Samarkand 
and  Herat  prising  an  album  hidden  away  in  the  remotest  corner  of  the 
Treasury  filled  with  the  plunder  of  hundreds  of  countries  over  hundreds  of 
years by the ancestors of His Excellency; Our Sultan; was most probably spread 
to  the  miniaturists’  division  by  the  dwarf  Jezmi  Agha。  If  we  might  now 
recount our own story in our own fashion—the will of God be with us—we 
hope that none of the crowd in this fine coffeehouse will take offense。 
One  hundred  and  ten  years  have  passed  since  our  deaths;  forty  since  the 
closing  of  our  irredeemable;  Persia…partisan  dervish  lodges;  those  dens  of 
heresy and nests of devilry; but see for yourselves; here we are before you。 How 
could this be? I’ll tell you how: We were rendered in the Veian style! As this 
illustration  indicates;  one  day  we  two  dervishes  were  tramping  through  Our 
Sultan’s domains from one city to the next。 
We were barefoot; our heads were shaven; and we were half naked; each of 
us was wearing a vest and the hide of a deer; a belt around our waists and we 
were holding our walking sticks; our begging bowls dangling from our necks 
by a chain; one of us was carrying an axe for cutting wood; and the other a 
spoon to eat whatever food God had blessed us with。 
At that moment; standing before a caravansary beside a fountain; my dear 
friend; nay; my beloved; nay; my brother and I had given ourselves over to the 
usual argument: “You first please; no you first;” we were noisily deferring to 
each  other  as  to  who’d  be  the  first  to  take  up  the  spoon  and  eat  from  the 
bowl; when a Frank traveler; a strange man; stopped us; gave us each a silver 
Veian coin and began to draw our picture。 
He was a Frank; of course; he was weird。 He situated us right in the center 
of the page as if we were the very tent of the Sultan; and was depicting us in 
our  half…naked  state  when  I  shared  with  my  panion  a  thought  that  had 
just  then  dawned  upon  me:  To  appear  like  a  pair  of  truly  impoverished 
Kalenderi  beggar  dervishes;  we  should  roll  our  eyes  back  so  our  pupils  look 
inward;  the  whites  of  our  eyes  facing  the  world  like  blind  men—and  that’s 
exactly what we proceeded to do。 In this situation; it’s the nature of a dervish 
to behold the world in his head rather than the world outside; since our heads 
were full of hashish; the landscape of our minds was more pleasant than what 
the Frank painter saw。 
333 
 
Meanwhile; the scene outside had grown even worse; we heard the ranting 
of a Hoja Effendi。 
Pray;  let  us  not  give  the  wrong  idea。  We’ve  now  made  mention  of  the 
respected  “Hoja  Effendi;”  but  last  week  in  this  fine  coffeehouse  there  was  a 
great misunderstanding: This respected “Hoja Effendi” of whom we speak has 
nothing  whatsoever  to  do  with  His  Excellency  Nusret  Hoja  the  cleric  from 
Erzurum; nor with the bastard Husret Hoja; nor with the hoja from Sivas who 
made it with the Devil atop a tree。 Those who interpret everything negatively 
have said that if His Excellency Hoja Effendi bees a target of reproach here 
once again; they’ll cut out the storyteller’s tongue and lower this coffeehouse 
about his head。 
One  hundred  and  twenty  years  ago;  there  being  no  coffee  then;  the 
respected Hoja; whose story we’ve begun; was simply steaming with rage。 
“Hey; Frank infidel; why are you drawing these two?” he was saying。 “These 
wretched Kalenderi dervishes wander around thieving and begging; they take 
hashish;  drink  wine;  bugger  each  other;  and  as  is  evident  from  the  way  they 
look;  know  nothing  of  performing  or  reciting  prayers;  nothing  of  house;  or 
home; or family; they’re nothing but the dregs of this good world of ours。 And 
you;  why  are  you  painting  this  picture  of  disgrace  when  there’s  so  much 
beauty in this great country? Is it to disgrace us?” 
“Not at all; it’s simply because illustrations of your bad side bring in more 
money;”  said  the  infidel。  We  two  dervishes  were  dumbfounded  at  the 
soundness of the painter’s reasoning。 
“If  it  brought  you  more  money;  would  you  paint  the  Devil  in  a  favorable 
light?” the Hoja Effendi said; coyly trying to start an argument; but as you can 
see  from  this  picture;  the  Veian  was  a  genuine  artist;  and  he’d  focused 
upon the work before him and the money it’d bring rather than heeding the 
Hoja’s empty prattle。 
He did indeed paint us; and then slid us into the leather portfolio on the 
back of his horse’s saddle; and returned to his infidel city。 Soon afterward; the 
victorious armies of the Ottomans conquered and plundered that city on the 
banks  of  the  Danube;  and  the  two  of  us  ended  up  ing  back  this  way  to 
Istanbul and the Royal Treasury。 From there; copied over and over; we moved 
from one secret book to another; and finally arrived at this joyous coffeehouse 
where coffee is drunk like a rejuvenating; invigorating elixir。 Now then: 
 
334 
 
A Brief Treatise on Painting; Death and Our Place in the World 
 
The Hoja Effendi from Konya; whom we’ve just mentioned; has made the 
following claim somewhere in one of his sermons; which are written out and 
collected in a thick tome: Kalenderi dervishes are the unnecessary dross of the 
world because they don’t belong to any of the four categories into which men 
are divided: 1。 notables; 2。 merchants; 3。 farmers and 4。 artists; thus; they are 
superfluous。 
Additionally; he said the following: “These two always tramp about as a pair 
and always argue about which of them will be the first to eat with their only 
spoon;  and  those  who  don’t  know  that  this  is  a  sly  allusion  to  their  true 
concern—who’ll be the first to bugger the other—find it amusing and laugh。 
His  Excellency  Please…Don’t…Take…It…Wrong  Hoja  has  uncovered  our  secret 
because he; along with us; the pretty young boys; apprentices and miniaturists; 
are all fellow travelers on the same path。” 
 
The Real Secret 
 
However;  the  real  secret  is  this:  While  the  Frank  infidel  was  making  our 
picture;  he  gazed  at  us  so  sweetly  and  with  such  attention  to  detail  that  we 
took  a  liking  to  him  and  enjoyed  being  depicted  by  him。  But;  he  was 
mitting the error of looking at the world with his naked eye and rendering 
what he saw。 Thus; he drew us as if we were blind although we could see just 
fine; but we didn’t mind。 Now; we’re quite content; indeed。 According to the 
Hoja; we’re in Hell; according to some unbelievers we’re nothing but decayed 
corpses and according to you; the intelligent society of miniaturists gathered 
here; we’re a picture; and because we’re a picture; we stand here before you as 
though  we  were  alive  and  well。  After  our  run…in  with  the  respected  Hoja 
Effendi and after walking from Konya to Sivas in three nights; through eight 
villages; begging all the way; one night we were beset by such cold and snow 
that  we  two  dervishes;  hugging  each  other  tightly;  fell  asleep  and  froze  to 
death。  Just  before  dying  I  had  a  dream:  I  was  the  subject  of  a  painting  that 
entered Heaven after thousands and tho

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