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run  to  him  and  tell  him  what  that  barbarian;  from  whose  funeral  we  were 
returning;  had  slanderously  confided  in  me;  I  was  going  to  confess  what  I’d 
done  to  protect  us;  and  to  ask  him:  “Is  it  true  what  Elegant  Effendi  had 
claimed?  Are  we  abusing  Our  Sultan’s  trust  through  the  illustrations  we’ve 
made? Are our painting techniques traitorous and an affront to our religion? 
And have you finished that last large painting?” 
I stood in the middle of the snowy street as evening fell and gazed down the 
dark road which had been abandoned along with me to jinns; fairies; brigands; 
thieves; to the grief of fathers and children returning home and to the sorrow 
of  snow…covered  trees。  At  the  end  of  the  street;  inside  Enishte  Effendi’s 
grandiose two…story house; beneath the roof; which I can now see through the 
bare branches of the chestnut trees; there lives the most beautiful woman in 
the world。 But; no; why should I drive myself mad? 
 
 
   
113 
 
I AM A GOLD COIN 
 
Behold!  I  am  a  twenty…two…carat  Ottoman  Sultani  gold  coin  and  I  bear  the 
glorious insignia of His Excellency Our Sultan; Refuge of the World。 Here; in 
the  middle  of  the  night  in  this  fine  coffeehouse  overe  with  funereal 
melancholy;  Stork;  one  of  Our  Sultan’s  great  masters;  has  just  finished 
drawing my picture; though he hasn’t yet been able to embellish me with gold 
wash—I’ll leave that to your imagination。 My image is here before you; yet I 
myself  can  be  found  in  the  money  purse  of  your  dear  brother;  Stork;  that 
illustrious  miniaturist。  He’s  rising  now;  removing  me  from  his  purse  and 
showing me off to each of you。 Hello; hello; greetings to all the master artists 
and assorted guests。 Your eyes widen as you behold my glimmer; you thrill as I 
shimmer in the light of the oil lamp; and finally; you bristle with envy at my 
owner;  Master  Stork。  You’re  justified  in  behaving  so;  for  there’s  no  better 
measure of an illustrator’s talent than I。 
In the past three months; Master Stork has earned exactly forty…seven gold 
pieces  like  myself。  We’re  all  in  this  money…purse  and  Master  Stork;  see  for 
yourself;  isn’t  hiding  us  from  anyone;  he  knows  there’s  none  among  the 
miniaturists  of  Istanbul  who  earns  more  than  he  does。  I  take  pride  in  being 
recognized  as  a  measure  of  talent  among  artists  and  in  putting  an  end  to 
unnecessary disagreements。 In the past; before we got used to coffee and our 
minds   sharpened;   these   dim…witted   miniaturists   weren’t   satisfied   with 
spending their evenings arguing about who was the most talented or who had 
the best sense of color; who could draw the best tree or who was most expert 
in  the  depiction  of  clouds;  no;  they’d  also  e  to  blows  over  such  issues; 
knocking out each other’s teeth in the process。 Now that my judgment decides 
everything; there’s a sweet harmony in the workshop; and what’s more; an air 
that would suit the old masters of Herat。 
In  addition  to  noting  the  harmony  and  ambience  brought  about  by  my 
judgment; let me list for you the various things I might be exchanged for: the 
foot of a young and beautiful slave girl; which amounts to about one…fiftieth 
of  her  person;  a  good…quality  walnut…handled  barber’s  mirror;  edges  inlaid 
with  bone;  a  well…painted  chest  of  drawers  decorated  with  sunburst  designs 
and silver leaf worth niy silver pieces; 120 fresh loaves of bread; a grave site 
and coffins for three; a silver armband; one…tenth of a horse; the legs of an old 
and  fat  concubine;  one  buffalo  calf;  two  high…quality  pieces  of  china;  the 
monthly  wage  of  Persian  miniaturist  Mehmet  the  Dervish  of  Tabriz  and  the 
majority  of  those  of  his  like  who  work  in  Our  Sultan’s  workshop;  one  good 
114 
 
hunting  falcon  with  cage;  ten  jugs  of  Panayot’s  wine;  a  heavenly  hour  with 
Mahmut; one of those young boys world…renowned for his beauty; and many 
other opportunities too numerous to specify。 
Before  I  arrived  here;  I  spent  ten  days  in  the  dirty  sock  of  a  poor 
shoemaker’s apprentice。 Each night the unfortunate man would fall asleep in 
his bed; naming the endless things he could buy with me。 The lines of this epic 
poem; sweet as a lullaby; proved to me that there was no place on Earth a coin 
couldn’t go。 
Which reminds me。 If I recited all that happened to me before I came here; 
it’d fill volumes。 There are no strangers among us; we’re all friends; as long as 
you  promise  not  to  tell  anyone;  and  as  long  as  Stork  Effendi  won’t  take 
offense; I’ll tell you a secret。 Do you swear not to tell? 
All  right  then;  I  confess。  I’m  not  a  genuine  twenty…two…carat  Ottoman 
Sultani  gold  coin  minted  at  the  Chemberlitash  Mint。  I’m  counterfeit。  They 
made me in Venice using adulterated gold and brought me here; passing me 
off as twenty…two…carat Ottoman gold。 Your sympathy and understanding are 
much obliged。 
Based  on  what  I  could  gather  from  being  in  the  mint  in  Venice;  this 
business  has  been  going  on  for  years。  Until  recently;  the  debased  gold  pieces 
that the Veian infidels brought to the East and spent were Veian ducats 
which  they  minted  in  that  same  mint。  We  Ottomans;  forever  respectful  of 
whatever  is  written;  paid  no  heed  to  the  amount  of  gold  in  each  ducat—so 
long  as  the  inscription  remained  the  same—and  these  fake  Veian  gold 
pieces  flooded  Istanbul。  Later;  noting  that  coins  with  less  gold  and  more 
copper  were  harder;  we  began  to  distinguish  the  coins  by  biting  them。  For 
example; you’re burning with love; you go running to Mahmut; that youth of 
unsurpassed  beauty;  beloved  by  all;  first;  he  takes  into  his  soft  mouth  the 
coin—not  the  other  thing—and  biting  it;  declares  it  counterfeit。  As  a 
consequence; he’ll take you to Heaven for only half an hour instead of one full 
hour。  The  Veian  infidels;  realizing  that  their  counterfeit  coins  presented 
such  disadvantages;  decided  that  they  might  as  well  counterfeit  Ottoman 
coins; reasoning that the Ottomans would be fooled again。 
Now; let me draw your attention to something quite bizarre: When these 
Veian  infidels  paint;  it’s  as  if  they’re  not  making  a  painting  but  actually 
creating the object they’re painting。 When it es to money; however; rather 
than making the real thing; they make its counterfeit。 
115 
 
We were loaded into iron chests; hauled onto ships and pitching to and fro 
traveled from Venice to Istanbul。 I found myself in a money changer’s shop; in 
the  garlicky  mouth  of  its  proprietor。  We  waited  for  a  while;  and  a  simple…
minded  peasant  entered;  hoping  to  exchange  some  gold。  The  master  money 
changer; who was a genuine trickster; declared that he needed to bite the gold 
piece to see if it was counterfeit。 So he took the peasant’s coin and tossed it 
into his mouth。 
When  we  met  inside  his  mouth;  I  realized  that  the  peasant’s  coin  was  a 
genuine  Ottoman  Sultani。  He  saw  me  within  that  stench  of  garlic  and  said; 
“You’re  nothing  but  a  counterfeit。”  He  was  right;  but  his  arrogant  manner 
offended  my  pride  and  I  lied  to  him:  “Actually;  my  brother;  you’re  the  one 
who’s counterfeit。” 
Meanwhile;  the  peasant  was  proudly  insisting;  “How  could  my  gold  coin 
possibly be counterfeit? I buried it in the ground twenty years ago; did a vice 
like counterfeiting exist back then?” 
I  was  wondering  what  the  oute  would  be  when  the  money  changer 
took me out of his mouth instead of the peasant’s gold coin。 “Take your gold 
coin; I don’t want any vile Veian infidel’s fake money;” he said; “have you 
no shame?” The peasant responded with some biting words of his own; then 
took me with him out the door。 After hearing the same pronouncement from 
other  money  changers;  the  peasant’s  spirit  broke  and  he  exchanged  me  as  a 
debased  coin  for  only  niy  silver  pieces。  This  is  how  my  seven…year  saga  of 
endless wandering from hand to hand began。 
Allow  me  to  admit  proudly  that  I’ve  spent  most  of  my  time  in  Istanbul 
wandering  from  purse  to  purse;  and  from  sash  to  pocket;  as  befits  an 
intelligent coin。 My worst nightmare is to be stored in a jug and languish for 
years beneath a rock; buried in some garden; not that it hasn’t happened to 
me; but for whatever reason; these periods have never lasted long。 Many of the 
people who hold me want to be rid of me as soon as possible; especially if they 
discover I’m fake。 Noheless; I have yet to e across someone who’ll warn 
an unsuspecting buyer that I’m counterfeit。 A broker; not recognizing that I’m 
counterfeit;  who  has  counted  out  120  silver  coins  in  exchange  for  me;  will 
berate himself in fits of anger; sorrow and impatience as soon as he learns he’s 

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