a face illumined-第85部分

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curiosity？〃



〃I'm　a　daughter　of　Eve。〃



〃Well；　I'm　coming　to　the　conclusion　that　there　is　a　good　deal　of

'old　Adam'　in　me；〃　and　he　felt　that　as　she　then　appeared　she　could

tempt　him　to　almost　anything。



Now　that　her　back　was　towards　him　she　felt　safer；　and　her　mellow

laugh　trilled　out　as　she　said；　〃We　may　have　to　dub　this　place　a

confessional　rather　than　a　studio　of　you　talk　in　that　way。〃



〃If　I　confessed　all　my　sins　against　you；　Miss　Mayhew；　it　would；

indeed；　be　a　confessional。〃　　He　spoke　so　earnestly　that　she　gave

him　a　quick　glance　of　surprise。



〃There　is　no　need；〃　she　said；　hesitatingly；　〃since　I　have　given　you

full　absolution；〃　and　she　suddenly　became　interested　in　something　in

the　farthest　corner　of　the　apartment。　　After　a　moment　she　added；

〃If　I　am　to　come　here　I　must　say　to　you　again；　as　I　did　on　the

day　I　so　disgusted　you　by　my　behavior　in　the　stageyou　must　let

by…gones　be　by…gones。〃



It　was　now　the　artist's　turn　to　laugh；　and　his　merriment　was

so　hearty　and　prolonged　that　she　turned　a　vexed　and　crimson　face

towards　him　and　said；　〃I　think　it's　too　bad　in　you　to　laugh　at　me

so。〃



〃Miss　Mayhew；　I　assure　you　I'm　not　laughing　at　you　at　all。　　But　your

words　suggest　a　good　omen。　　Didn't　that　stage　teach　you　that　fate

means　us　to　be　good　friends　in　spite　of　all　you　can　do？　　Before　we

met　in　that　car　of　fortune　I　had　been　trying　for　a　week　or　more　to

make　your　acquaintance；　and　made　a　martyr　of　myself　in　the　effort。

I　played　the　agreeable　to　nearly　every　lady　in　the　hotel；　and

perspired　on　picnics　and　boating　parties　that　I　did　not　enjoy。　　I

played　croquet　and　other　games　till　I　was　half　bored　to　death；　and

all　in　the　effort　to　produce　such　a　genial　atmosphere　of　enjoyment

and　good…feeling　that　you　would　thaw　a　little　towards　me；　but　you

wouldn't　speak　to　me；　nor　even　look　at　me。　　At　last　I　gave　up　in

despair　and　went　off　among　the　hills　with　my　sketch…book；　and　when

returning　that　blessed　old　stage　overtook　me。　　Wasn't　I　pleased

when　I　found　you　were　a　fellow…passenger！　and　let　me　now　express

my　thanks　that　you　looked　so　resolutely　away　from　me；　for　it　gave

me　a　chance　to　contrast　a　profile　in　which　I　could　detect　no　fault

with　the　broad；　sultry　visage　of　the　stout　woman　opposite　me。　　And

then；　thank　heaven；　the　horses　ran　away。　　Whoever　heard　of　stage

horses　running　away　before？　　It　was　a　smile　of　fortunea　miracle。

Submit　to　destiny；　Miss　Mayhew；　for　it's　decreed　that　we　should　be

good　friends；〃　and　he　laughed　again　in　huge　enjoyment　of　the　whole

scene。



In　spite　of　herself　Ida　found　his　humor　contagious　and　irresistible；

and　she　laughed　also　till　the　tears　came　into　her　eyes。



〃Mr。　Van　Berg；〃　she　exclaimed；　〃I　ought　to　be　indignant；　or　I　ought

to　be　ashamed　to　look　you　in　the　face。　　I　don't　know　what　I　ought

to　do；　only　I'm　sure　it　isn't　the　proper　thing　at　all　for　me　to　be

laughing　in　this　way。　　I　think　I'll　go　home　at　once；　for　I'm　only

wasting　your　time。



His　answer　was　not　very　relevant；　for　he　said　impetuously；　〃Oh；

Miss　Ida；　I　would　give　five　years　of　my　life　to　be　able　to　paint

your　portrait　as　you　now　appear；　for　the　picture　would　cure　old

melancholy　himself　and　fill　a　prison…cell　with　light。〃



〃I　won't　come　here　any　more　if　you　laugh　at　me　so；〃　she　said；

putting　on　her　hat。



〃See；〃　he　said；　〃I'm　as　grave　as　a　judge。　　I　will　never　laugh

AT　you；　but　I　hope　to　laugh　WITH　you　many　a　time；　for　to　tell　you

the　truth　the　experience　has　reminded　me　of　the　'inextinguishable

laughter　of　the　Gods。'　　Please　don't　go　yet。〃



〃If　I　must　come　so　often　my　visits　must　be　brief。〃



〃Then　you　will　come？〃



〃I　haven't　promised　anything　except　for　to…morrow。　　Good…morning。〃



〃Let　me　walk　home　with　you。〃



〃No；　positively。　　You　have　wasted　too　much　time　already。〃



〃You　will　at　least　shake　hands　in　token　of　peace　and　amity　before

we　part？〃



〃Oh；　certainly；　if　you　think　it　worth　the　while　when　we　are　to　meet

so　soon　again。　　Oh！　you　hurt　me。　　You　did　that　once　before。〃



His　face　suddenly　became　grave　and　even　tender　in　its　expression；

as　he　said；　in　a　low；　deep　voice；　〃More　than　once；　Miss　Ida。　　Don't

think　I　forget　or　forgive　myself　because　you　treat　me　so　generously。〃



She　would　not　look　up　and　meet　his　eyes；　but　replied；　in　tones　that

trembled　with　repressed　feeling；　〃I　could　forgive　anything　after

your　manner　towards　father　this　morning。　　Never　think　I　can　forget

such　favors；〃　and　then　she　snatched　away　her　hand　and　went　swiftly

out。　　Her　tears　fell　fast　as　she　sought　her　home　by　quiet　streets

with　bowed　head　and　vail　drawn　tightly　down；　and　she　murmured：



〃I　cannot　give　him　upI　cannot；　indeed；　I　cannot。　　If　I　lose　him

it　must　be　because　there　is　no　help　for　it。〃



Then　conscience　uttered　its　low；　faint　protest　and　her　tears　fell

faster　still。



When　reaching　her　room　she　threw　herself　on　the　sofa　and　sobbed；

〃Would　it　be　so　very；　very　wrong　to　win　him　if　I　could？　she　can't

love　him　as　much　as　I　do。　　Why；　I　was　ready　to　die　even　to　win　his

respect；　and　now　in　these　visits　he　gives　me　a　chance　to　win　his

love。　　Is　he　pledged　to　Miss　Burton　yet？　　If　he　is；　I　do　not　know

it。　　He　does　seem　to　care　for　methere　is　often　something　in　his

face　and　tone　that　whispers　hope。　　If　he　loves　her　as　I　love　him

he　could　not　be　here　in　New　York　all　this　week。　　But　it's　her　love

that　troubles　meI've　seen　it　in　her　eyes　when　he　was　not　observing；

and　I　fear　she　just　worships　him。　　Alas；　he　gave　her　reason。　　His

manner　has　been　that　of　a　lover；　and　no　onehe　least　of　allwould

think　of　flirting　with　Jennie　Burton。　　But　does　he　lover　her　so

deeply　that　I　could　not　win　him　if　I　had　a　chance？　　Would　it　be　very

wicked　if　I　did？　　Must　I　give　up　my　happiness　for　her　happiness？

I　came　to　New　York　to　get　away　from　danger　and　temptation　and　here

I　am　right　in　the　midst　of　it。　　What　shall　I　do！　　Oh；　my　Saviour；

I'm　half　afraid　to　speak　to　thee　about　this。〃



〃If　I　could　only　see　Mr。　Eltinge；〃　she　murmured；　after　an

hour　of　distracted　thought　and　indecision。　　〃There　is　no　time　to

writeindeed；　I　could　not　write　on　such　a　subject；　andandI'm

afraid　he'd　advise　me　against　it。　　He　can't　understand　a　woman's

feelings　in　a　case　like　this；　at　least　he　could　not　understand　a

passionate；　faulty　girl　like　me。　　I've　no　patienceno　fortitude。

I　could　die　for　my　loveI　think；　I　hope；　I　could　for　my　faith；but

I　feel　no　power　within　me　to　endure　patiently　year　after　year。　　I

would　be　like　the　poor；　weak　women　they　shut　up　in　the　Inquisition

and　who　suffered　on　to　the　end　only　through　remorseless　compulsion；

because　the　walls　were　too　thick　for　escape；　and　the　tormentor's

hands　and　the　rack　were　irresistible。　　My　soul　would　succumb　as　well

as　my　body。　　This　would　seem　wild；　wicked　talk　to　Mr。　Eltinge；　it

would　seem　weak　and　irrational　to　any　man。　　But　I'm　only　Ida　Mayhew；

and　such　is　my　nature。　　I've　been　made　all　the　more　incapable　of

patient　self…sacrifice　by　self…indulgence　from　my　childhood　up。

Oh；　will　it　be　very；　very　wrong　to　win　him　if　I　can？〃　and　the

passionate　tears　and　sobs　that　followed　these　words　would　seem　to

indicate　that　she　understood　her　nature　only　too　well。



At　last　she　concluded；　in　weariness　and　exhaustion；　〃I'm　too　weak

and　distracted　to　think　any　more。　　I　hardly　know　whether　it's　right

or　wrong。　　I　hope　it　isn't　very　wrong。　　I　won't　decide　now。　　Let

matters　take　their　own　course　as　they　have　done　and　I　may　see

clearer　by　and　by。〃



But　deep　in　her　heart　she　felt　that　this　was　about　the　same　as

yielding　to　the　temptation。



She　bathed　her　eyes；　tried　to　think　how　she　could　spend　the

intervening　hours　before　they　would　meet　again。　　Then　with　a　sense

of　dismay　she　began　to　consider；　〃If　we　are　to　meet　so　often　what

are　we　to　talk　about？　　He　once　tried　to　converse　with　me　and　found

me　so　ignorant　he　couldn't。　　It　seemed　to　me　I　didn't　know　anything

that　evening；　and　he'll　soon　grow　disgusted　with　me　again　as　he　sees

my　poor　little　pack　of　knowledge　is　like　a　tramp's　bundle　that　he

carries　around　with　him。　　I　must　readI　must　study　every　moment；

or　I　haven't　the　remotest　chance　of　success。　　Success！　　Oh；　merciful

heaven！　it's　the　same　as　if　I　were　setting　about　it　all　deliberately

and　there's　no　use　of　deceiving　myself。　　I　hope　it　isn't　very；　very

wrong。〃



She　went　to　her　father's　library　with　flushed　cheeks　and　hesitating

steps；　as　if　it　were　the　tree　from　which　she　might　pluck　the　fruit

of　forbidden　knowledge。　　The　long　rows　of　ponderous　and　neglected

books　appalled　her；　she　took　down　two　or　three　and　they　seemed

like　unopened　mines；　deep　and　rocky。　　She　felt　instinctively　that

there　was　not　time　for　her　to　transmute　their　ores　into　graceful

and　natural　mental　adornments。



〃Methuselah　himself　couldn't　read　them　all；〃　she　exclaimed。　　〃By　the

powers！　if　here　isn't　more　books　than　I　can　carry；　on　one　subject。

I　suppose　cartloads　have　been　written　about　art。　　I've　no　doub