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a face illumined-第63部分

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and weakly; saying in a low tone:



〃Mr。 Van Berg; I suppose I have now reached the lowest depth in

your estimation; but I cannot help it。  I admit that I was in an

awful and desperate mood; and was about to act accordingly。  There

is no use of trying to hid anything from you。  But a good man spoke

kindly to me to…night; and the black spell is broken。  There is

the drug I purchased;〃 and she handed him the phial of laudanum。

〃You many now dismiss all fears。  I will explain further another

time if you care to hear。  Please let me go in by myself。〃



〃Pardon me for saying; no;〃 he answered; gently。  〃I think I am

best able to…night to judge of what is right。  You must go in at

the main entrance; and on my arm。  Henceforward I shall treat you

with respect; and I intend that all others shall also。〃



With a low sob; she said; impulsively:  〃Oh; Mr。 Van Berg; forgive

me!  but that was my motive。  I meant to compel your respect; and

I thought there was no other way。  I thought that if I went to my

grave; instead of going to the man who attempted your life; you

would see that you had misjudged me。  Here is a letter which I wrote

you。  It should go with the poison。  It is all that I can offer in

excuse or extenuation。〃



〃Good God!〃 he exclaimed。  〃I have escaped a worse fate than yours

would have been;〃 and she felt his arm again trembling violently

beneath her hand。



〃I did not think you would care so greatly;〃 she murmured。



〃Miss Mayhew;〃 he said; in a deep voice; 〃promise me; before God;

that you will never harbor such a thought again。〃



〃I hope I never may;〃 she replied; despondently; 〃but I've lost

all confidence in myself; Mr。 Van Berg。〃



〃Poor child!  What a brute I've been;〃 he muttered; but she heard

him。



As the mounted the piazza; they met Stanton and Mrs。 Mayhew。



〃Why; Ida;〃 exclaimed her mother; 〃I thought you were in your room。〃



〃I walked to the village with a party of young people;〃 was her

hasty reply; 〃and Mr。 Van Berg met me on our return。  I'm very

tired。  Good…night;〃 and she went directly to her room。



The artist's manner in parting was polite and respectful; and by

this simple act; he did much to reinstate her in the social position

she had well nigh lost; through her supposed infatuation with the

man who was now a synonym in the house for everything that was

vile。



On the following day; through the aid of Miss Burton; he caused

the impression to be generally given that Miss Mayhew had been

exceedingly mortified that she had ever associated with such a

villain as Sibley had shown himself to be; and still more pained

to think that she should be imagined capable of any other feeling

save contempt for him; after learning of his disgraceful words and

actions。  These explanations gave an entirely new aspect to the

matter; and sufficiently accounted for her increasing indisposition

and rather odd behavior。  Indeed; people placed it to her credit

that she was so deeply affected; and were all the more inclined to

make amends for having misjudged her。



Mrs。 Mayhew accompanied her daughter to her room; but Ida told her

that she was too weary to answer a single question; and that she

wished to be alone。



〃Van; may I speak with you?〃 Stanton had asked; anxiously。



When they were sufficiently far from the house to ensure privacy

he began again:  〃Van; what's the matter?  You were as white as if

you had seen a ghost。〃



〃I'm not afraid of ghosts;〃 said the artist; almost sternly; 〃but

there are things which I mortally fear; and chief among these are

blundersstupid; irrational acts; but involving results that may

be beyond remedy。  You and I have just made one that might have

cost us dear。  Of course you will treat your cousin hereafter as

you please; but I most decidedly request that you do and say nothing

that involves any reference to me。  I wish her to form her opinions

of my attitude towards her solely from her own observation。〃



〃I think you are a trifle severe; but I suppose I deserve it;〃 said

Stanton; stiffly。



〃I admit that I am strongly moved。  I do not excuse myself in the

least; and yet you know I was misled。  I must tell you plainly that

Ida Mayhew is not a girl to be trifled with。  I fear her mother

wholly fails in understanding her; and from what you yourself have

told me of her father; she has no help there。  She has no brother;

and you should take the place of one; as far as possible。  The

only right I have to speak thus is on the ground of the great wrong

I have done her; and for which I can never forgive myself。  Miss

Mayhew and I are comparative strangers and our brief summer sojourn

here will soon be over。  By mere accident facts have come to my

knowledge to…night which prove in the most emphatic manner; that

she requires kind; unobtrusive; but vigilant care。  I never knew

of a girl who needed a brother more than she。  She is not bad at

heartfar from it; but she is fearfully rash; and she is warped

by education; or its lack; and by the vile literature she has read;

to such a degree that she cannot see things in their true moral

aspects。  I'll give you a plain hint; and then you must not ask me

anything further; for both you and I must be able to say that the

history of my last interview was never given。  My hint is thisI

do not believe that self…destruction ever appeared to Miss Mayhew

as an awful and revolting crime。  Her actual life; hitherto; has

been a round of frivolity。  Only on the stage or in the absurd woes

of her stilted heroes and heroines; has she given any attention to

the sad and serious side of life。  Men and women committing suicide

to slow music is the chief stock in trade in some quarters; and

when serious trouble came to her this devil's comedy had been robbed

of its horror by the clap…trap of stage effect。  That is the only

way in which I can account for it all or excuse her。  But the fact

that she recoiled from Sibley so strongly and felt the disgrace

of her association so keenly; proves that she possesses a true

woman's nature。  But; as I said; she needs a brother's care。  You

are nearest of kin; Stanton; and you must give it。  Indeed; Ik;

pardon the freedom of an old friend whom circumstances have strangely

mixed up in this affair; I think you are honor…bound to give this

brother's protection; and you ARE a man of honor if you pass your

word。〃



〃Do youdo you think there is still any danger that she will…〃



〃No; the danger is passed for this occasion; but you must guard

her from deep despondency or strong provocation in the future。〃



〃The task you require is a difficult one。  I doubt whether she ever

forgives me even。〃



〃I think she will。  I have also learned to…night that genuine

kindness and sympathy have great weight with her。  Pledge me your

word that you will do the best you can。〃



〃Well; Van; I suppose I oughtI will。  But your words have quite

unnerved me。〃



〃Unnerved! I'm worse than that。  I feel as if I had passed through

a month's illness。  Never breathe a whisper of all this to any one。

Good…night。〃  And he strode away in the darkness。



Having reached a secluded spot; he ground the phial of laudanum

that Ida had given him under his heel with the vindictiveness with

which he would stamp out the life of a poisonous reptile。



Then he returned to his room and took out Ida's letter; but his

hands trembled so that he could scarcely open it。  As he read; they

trembled still more; and his face became almost ashen in its hue。

He was so appalled at what might have happened that his heart seemed

for a second to cease its pulsations。



〃Great God!〃 he said; in a hoarse whisper〃what an escape I've

had!〃



Hour after hour passed; but he sat motionless; staring at the abyss

into which he had almost stumbled。



The song of a bird without reminded him that morning was near。  He

drew the curtain and saw that the dawn was reddening the sky。



〃Thank God;〃 he cried; fervently; 〃for the escape we both have

had!〃



Then; in order to throw off the horrible nightmare that had oppressed

him; he stole quietly out into the fresh; cool; dewy air。











Chapter XL。  Van Berg's Conclusions。







Van Berg knew that the word 〃discouragement〃 was in the dictionary;

and he supposed he understood its meaning; but Ida Mayhew's farewell

letter proved to him that he was mistaken。  There are some things

we never learn until taught by the severe logic of events and

experience。  There had been nothing in his own history or character

that enabled him to realize the dreary sinking of heartthe

paralyzing despondency of those who believe or fear that they have

been defeated and thwarted in life。  Through the weaknesses and

dangers of early life he had been shielded with loving vigilance。

His mind and taste had been fostered with untiring care; and yet

every new development praised as unstin

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