a face illumined-第58部分
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I shall be by this time to…morrow night！〃
She shuddered as she closed the window。
After pacing her room a few moments； she exclaimed； recklessly；
〃I must sleepI must get through with the time until I bring time
to an end；〃 and she dropped a powerful opiate into a glass。
Holding it up for a moment with a smile on her fair young face that
was terrible beyond words； she said slowly；
〃After all it's only taking a little more； and thenno waking。〃
Chapter XXXVII。 Voices of Nature。
Before retiring； Ida had unfastened her door； so that her mother；
finding her sleeping； might leave her undisturbed as late as possible
the following day； and the sun was almost in mid…heaven before she
began slowly to revive from her lethargy。
But as her stupor departed she became conscious of such acute
physical and mental suffering that she almost wished she had carried
out her purpose the night before。 Her headache was equaled only by
her heartache； and her wronged； overtaxed nervous system was jangling
with torturing discord。 But with the persistence of a simple and
positive nature she resolved to carry out the tragic programme that
she had already arranged。
She was glad to find herself alone。 Her mother； with her usual
sagacity； had concluded that she would sleep off her troubles as
she often had before； and so left her to herself。
The poor； lost child made some pathetic attempts to put her little
house in order。 She destroyed all her letters。 She arranged her
drawers with many sudden rushes of tears as various articles called
up memories of earlier and happier days。 Among other things she
came across a little birthday present that her father had given
her when she was but six years of age； and she vividly recalled
the happy child she was that day。
〃Oh； that I had died then！〃 she sobbed。 〃What a wretched failure my
life has been！ Never was there a fitter emblem than the imperfect
flower he threw away。 I wish I could find the poor； withered； trampled
thing； and that he might find it in my hand with his letter。〃
She wrote a farewell to her father that was inexpressibly sad； in
which she humbly asked his forgiveness； and entreated him； as her
dying wish； to cease destroying himself with liquor。
〃But it is of no use；〃 she moaned。 〃He has lost hope and courage
like myself； and one can't bear trouble for which there is no
remedy。 I'm afraid my act will only make him do worse； but I can't
help it。〃
To her mother she wrote merely； 〃Good…by。 Think of me as well as
you can till I am forgotten。〃
Her thoughts of her mother were very bitter； for she felt that she
had been neglected as a child； and permitted to grow up so faulty
and superficial that she repelled the man her beauty might have
aided her in winning； and it was chiefly through her mother that
her last bitter and unendurable humiliation had come。
Mrs。 Mayhew bustled in from her drive with Stanton； just before
dinner； and commenced volubly：
〃Glad to see you up and looking so much better。〃 （Ida knew she
was almost ghastly pale from the effects of the opiate and her
distress； but she recognized her mother's tactics。） 〃Come now； go
down with me and make a good dinner； then a drive this afternoon；
to which Ik has invited you； and you will look like your old
beautiful self。〃
〃I do not wish to look like my old self；〃 said Ida coldly。
〃Who in the world ever looked better？〃
〃Every one who had a cultivated mind and a clear conscience。〃
〃I declare； Ida； you've changed so since you came to the country
that I can't understand you at all。〃
〃Do not try to any longer； mother； for you never will。〃
〃Won't you go down to dinner？〃
〃No。〃
〃Why not？〃
〃I don't wish to； for one thing； and I'm too ill； for another。
Send me up something； if it's not too much trouble。〃
〃I'm going to have a doctor see you this very afternoon；〃 said Mrs。
Mayhew； emphatically； as she left the room。
To do her justice she did send up a very nice dinner to Ida before
eating her own。 As far as doctors and dinners were concerned； she
could do her whole duty in an emergency。
〃Isn't Ida coming down？〃 whispered Stanton to his aunt。
〃No。 I can't make her out at all； and she looks dreadfully。 You
must go for a doctor； right after dinner。〃
Van Berg could not hear their words； but their ominous looks added
greatly to his disquietude。 He had been too ill at ease to seek
even Miss Burton's society during the morning； and had spent the
time in making a sketch of Ida as she stood in the doorway before
entering the parlor the previous evening。
But Jennie Burton did not seem to feel or resent his neglect in
the slightest degree。 Indeed； her thoughts； like his own； were
apparently engrossed with the one whose chair had been vacant so
often of late； and who； when present； seemed so unlike her former
self。
〃I fear you daughter is more seriously indisposed than you think；〃
she said anxiously to Mrs。 Mayhew。
〃I'm going to take Ida in hand；〃 replied the matter…of…fact lady。
〃She IS illfar more so than she'll admit。 I'm going to have the
doctor at once and put her under a course of treatment。〃
〃Curse it all！〃 thought Van Berg； 〃that is just the trouble。 She
has been under a course of treatment that would make any woman ill；
save her mother； and I'm inclined to think that I was the veriest
quack of them all in my treatment。〃
〃I wish she would let me call upon her this afternoon；〃 said Miss
Burton； gently。
〃Oh； I think she'll be glad to see you！at least she ought to be；〃
but it was too evident that Mrs。 Mayhew was at last beginning to
grow very anxious； and she made a simpler meal than usual。 Stanton
in his solicitude； hastened through dinner； and started at once
for the physician who usually attended the guests of the house。
Ida； in the meantime； had forced herself to eat a little of the food
sent to her； and then informing the woman who had charge of their
floor that she was going out for a walk； stole down and out unperceived；
and soon gained a secluded path that led into an extensive tract
of woodland。
Stanton brought the doctor promptly； but no patient could be found。
All that could be learned was that 〃Miss Mayhew had gone for a
walk。〃
〃Her case cannot be very critical；〃 the physician remarked； smilingly；
〃I will call again。〃
Stanton and his aunt looked at each other in a way that proved the
case was beginning to trouble them seriously。
〃She knew the doctor would be here；〃 said Mrs。 Mayhew。
〃I fear her complaint is one that the doctors can't help； and that
she knows it；〃 replied the young man； gloomily。 〃But you seem to
know less about her than any one else。 I shall try to find her。〃
But he did not succeed。
〃Miss Burton；〃 said Van Berg； after dinner； 〃I wish you would call
on Miss Mayhew。 I think she is greatly in need of a little of your
inimitable tact and skill。 'A wounded spirit who can bear？' And
in such an emergency； you are the best surgeon I know of。 I think
some of us wounded her deeply and unpardonably by continuing to
associate her with Sibley； after he revealed what an unmitigated
rascal he was。 Strong as appearances were against her； I feel that
I cannot forgive myself that I took anything for granted in a case
like that。〃
〃I am glad；〃 she answered； 〃that you have come to my own conclusion；
that Miss Mayhew； with all her faults； is too good a girl to be
guilty of a passion for a man like Sibley。 If she regards him in
any such way as I do； I do not wonder that it has made her ill to
be so misjudged。 I must plead guilty also to having wronged her
in my thoughts。 While I try to exercise the broadest charity； my
calling； as a teacher； has brought me in contact with many girls
thatthrough immaturity and innate foolishnessare guilty of
conduct that taxes one's faith in human nature severely。 Goodish
sort of girls are sometimes infatuated with very bad men。 I suppose
it is evident to all that Miss Mayhew's early and； indeed； present
influences are sadly against her； but unfortunate as have been
her associations of late； I am coming to the belief that； however
faulty she may be； she is not naturally either silly or weak。 But
my acquaintance with her is very slight； and I must confess I do
not understand her very well。 For some reason she shuns me and
has evidently disliked me from the first。〃
〃I don't understand her at all；〃 said Van Berg； in a tone that
proved him greatly annoyed with himself。 〃I have thought that I
had sounded the shallow depths of her character several times； and
then some new and perplexing phase would present itself； and put
me all to sea again。 It may seem ludicrous to you that her beauty
should irritate me so greatly because of its incongruous associations。〃
