half a life-time ago-第9部分

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regain　a　scanty　portion　of　senseenough　to　require　some　simple

pleasures　and　excitement；　which　would　cost　money。　　And　money　should

not　be　wanting。　　Peggy　rather　assisted　her　in　the　formation　of　her

parsimonious　habits　than　otherwise；　economy　was　the　order　of　the

district；　and　a　certain　degree　of　respectable　avarice　the

characteristic　of　her　age。　　Only　Willie　was　never　stinted　nor

hindered　of　anything　that　the　two　women　thought　could　give　him

pleasure；　for　want　of　money。



There　was　one　gratification　which　Susan　felt　was　needed　for　the

restoration　of　her　mind　to　its　more　healthy　state；　after　she　had

passed　through　the　whirling　fever；　when　duty　was　as　nothing；　and

anarchy　reigned；　a　gratification　that；　somehow；　was　to　be　her　last

burst　of　unreasonableness；　of　which　she　knew　and　recognised　pain　as

the　sure　consequence。　　She　must　see　him　once　more；herself　unseen。



The　week　before　the　Christmas　of　this　memorable　year；　she　went　out　in

the　dusk　of　the　early　winter　evening；　wrapped　close　in　shawl　and

cloak。　　She　wore　her　dark　shawl　under　her　cloak；　putting　it　over　her

head　in　lieu　of　a　bonnet；　for　she　knew　that　she　might　have　to　wait

long　in　concealment。　　Then　she　tramped　over　the　wet　fell…path；　shut

in　by　misty　rain　for　miles　and　miles；　till　she　came　to　the　place

where　he　was　lodging；　a　farm…house　in　Langdale；　with　a　steep；　stony

lane　leading　up　to　it：　　this　lane　was　entered　by　a　gate　out　of　the

main　road；　and　by　the　gate　were　a　few　bushesthorns；　but　of　them　the

leaves　had　fallen；　and　they　offered　no　concealment：　　an　old　wreck　of

a　yew…tree　grew　among　them；　however；　and　underneath　that　Susan

cowered　down；　shrouding　her　face；　of　which　the　colour　might　betray

her；　with　a　corner　of　her　shawl。　　Long　did　she　wait；　cold　and　cramped

she　became；　too　damp　and　stiff　to　change　her　posture　readily。　　And

after　all；　he　might　never　come！　　But；　she　would　wait　till　daylight；

if　need　were；　and　she　pulled　out　a　crust；　with　which　she　had

providently　supplied　herself。　　The　rain　had　ceased；a　dull；　still；

brooding　weather　had　succeeded；　it　was　a　night　to　hear　distant

sounds。　　She　heard　horses'　hoofs　striking　and　splashing　in　the

stones；　and　in　the　pools　of　the　road　at　her　back。　　Two　horses；　not

well…ridden；　or　evenly　guided；　as　she　could　tell。



Michael　Hurst　and　a　companion　drew　near：　　not　tipsy；　but　not　sober。

They　stopped　at　the　gate　to　bid　each　other　a　maudlin　farewell。

Michael　stooped　forward　to　catch　the　latch　with　the　hook　of　the　stick

which　he　carried；　he　dropped　the　stick；　and　it　fell　with　one　end

close　to　Susan；indeed；　with　the　slightest　change　of　posture　she

could　have　opened　the　gate　for　him。　　He　swore　a　great　oath；　and

struck　his　horse　with　his　closed　fist；　as　if　that　animal　had　been　to

blame；　then　he　dismounted；　opened　the　gate；　and　fumbled　about　for　his

stick。　　When　he　had　found　it　（Susan　had　touched　the　other　end）　his

first　use　of　it　was　to　flog　his　horse　well；　and　she　had　much　ado　to

avoid　its　kicks　and　plunges。　　Then；　still　swearing；　he　staggered　up

the　lane；　for　it　was　evident　he　was　not　sober　enough　to　remount。



By　daylight　Susan　was　back　and　at　her　daily　labours　at　Yew　Nook。

When　the　spring　came；　Michael　Hurst　was　married　to　Eleanor

Hebthwaite。　　Others；　too；　were　married；　and　christenings　made　their

firesides　merry　and　glad；　or　they　travelled；　and　came　back　after　long

years　with　many　wondrous　tales。　　More　rarely；　perhaps；　a　Dalesman

changed　his　dwelling。　　But　to　all　households　more　change　came　than　to

Yew　Nook。　　There　the　seasons　came　round　with　monotonous　sameness；　or；

if　they　brought　mutation；　it　was　of　a　slow；　and　decaying；　and

depressing　kind。　　Old　Peggy　died。　　Her　silent　sympathy；　concealed

under　much　roughness；　was　a　loss　to　Susan　Dixon。　　Susan　was　not　yet

thirty　when　this　happened；　but　she　looked　a　middle…aged；　not　to　say

an　elderly　woman。　　People　affirmed　that　she　had　never　recovered　her

complexion　since　that　fever；　a　dozen　years　ago；　which　killed　her

father；　and　left　Will　Dixon　an　idiot。　　But　besides　her　gray

sallowness；　the　lines　in　her　face　were　strong；　and　deep；　and　hard。

The　movements　of　her　eyeballs　were　slow　and　heavy；　the　wrinkles　at

the　corners　of　her　mouth　and　eyes　were　planted　firm　and　sure；　not　an

ounce　of　unnecessary　flesh　was　there　on　her　bonesevery　muscle

started　strong　and　ready　for　use。　　She　needed　all　this　bodily

strength；　to　a　degree　that　no　human　creature；　now　Peggy　was　dead；

knew　of：　　for　Willie　had　grown　up　large　and　strong　in　body；　and；　in

general；　docile　enough　in　mind；　but；　every　now　and　then；　he　became

first　moody；　and　then　violent。　　These　paroxysms　lasted　but　a　day　or

two；　and　it　was　Susan's　anxious　care　to　keep　their　very　existence

hidden　and　unknown。　　It　is　true；　that　occasional　passers…by　on　that

lonely　road　heard　sounds　at　night　of　knocking　about　of　furniture；

blows；　and　cries；　as　of　some　tearing　demon　within　the　solitary　farm…

house；　but　these　fits　of　violence　usually　occurred　in　the　night；　and

whatever　had　been　their　consequence；　Susan　had　tidied　and　redded　up

all　signs　of　aught　unusual　before　the　morning。　　For；　above　all；　she

dreaded　lest　some　one　might　find　out　in　what　danger　and　peril　she

occasionally　was；　and　might　assume　a　right　to　take　away　her　brother

from　her　care。　　The　one　idea　of　taking　charge　of　him　had　deepened　and

deepened　with　years。　　It　was　graven　into　her　mind　as　the　object　for

which　she　lived。　　The　sacrifice　she　had　made　for　this　object　only

made　it　more　precious　to　her。　　Besides；　she　separated　the　idea　of　the

docile；　affectionate；　loutish；　indolent　Will；　and　kept　it　distinct

from　the　terror　which　the　demon　that　occasionally　possessed　him

inspired　her　with。　　The　one　was　her　flesh　and　her　bloodthe　child　of

her　dead　mother；　the　other　was　some　fiend　who　came　to　torture　and

convulse　the　creature　she　so　loved。　　She　believed　that　she　fought　her

brother's　battle　in　holding　down　those　tearing　hands；　in　binding

whenever　she　could　those　uplifted　restless　arms　prompt　and　prone　to

do　mischief。　　All　the　time　she　subdued　him　with　her　cunning　or　her

strength；　she　spoke　to　him　in　pitying　murmurs；　or　abused　the　third

person；　the　fiendish　enemy；　in　no　unmeasured　tones。　　Towards　morning

the　paroxysm　was　exhausted；　and　he　would　fall　asleep；　perhaps　only　to

waken　with　evil　and　renewed　vigour。　　But　when　he　was　laid　down；　she

would　sally　out　to　taste　the　fresh　air；　and　to　work　off　her　wild

sorrow　in　cries　and　mutterings　to　herself。　　The　early　labourers　saw

her　gestures　at　a　distance；　and　thought　her　as　crazed　as　the　idiot…

brother　who　made　the　neighbourhood　a　haunted　place。　　But　did　any

chance　person　call　at　Yew　Nook　later　on　in　the　day；　he　would　find

Susan　Dixon　cold；　calm；　collected；　her　manner　curt；　her　wits　keen。



Once　this　fit　of　violence　lasted　longer　than　usual。　　Susan's　strength

both　of　mind　and　body　was　nearly　worn　out；　she　wrestled　in　prayer

that　somehow　it　might　end　before　she；　too；　was　driven　mad；　or；　worse；

might　be　obliged　to　give　up　life's　aim；　and　consign　Willie　to　a

madhouse。　　From　that　moment　of　prayer　（as　she　afterwards

superstitiously　thought）　Willie　calmedand　then　he　droopedand　then

he　sankand；　last　of　all；　he　died　in　reality　from　physical

exhaustion。



But　he　was　so　gentle　and　tender　as　he　lay　on　his　dying　bed；　such

strange；　child…like　gleams　of　returning　intelligence　came　over　his

face；　long　after　the　power　to　make　his　dull；　inarticulate　sounds　had

departed；　that　Susan　was　attracted　to　him　by　a　stronger　tie　than　she

had　ever　felt　before。　　It　was　something　to　have　even　an　idiot　loving

her　with　dumb；　wistful；　animal　affection；　something　to　have　any

creature　looking　at　her　with　such　beseeching　eyes；　imploring

protection　from　the　insidious　enemy　stealing　on。　　And　yet　she　knew

that　to　him　death　was　no　enemy；　but　a　true　friend；　restoring　light

and　health　to　his　poor　clouded　mind。　　It　was　to　her　that　death　was　an

enemy；　to　her；　the　survivor；　when　Willie　died；　there　was　no　one　to

love　her。



Worse　doom　still；　there　was　no　one　left　on　earth　for　her　to　love。



You　now　know　why　no　wandering　tourist　could　persuade　her　to　receive

him　as　a　lodger；　why　no　tired　traveller　could　melt　her　heart　to

afford　him　rest　and　refreshment；　why　long　habits　of　seclusion　had

given　her　a　moroseness　of　manner；　and　how　care　for　the　interests　of

another　had　rendered　her　keen　and　miserly。



But　there　was　a　third　act　in　the　drama　of　her　life。







CHAPTER　V。







In　spite　of　Peggy's　prophecy　that　Susan's　life　should　not　seem　long；

it　did　seem　wearisome　and　endless；　as　the　years　slowly　uncoiled　their

monotonous　circles。　　To　be　sure；　she　might　have　made　change　for

herself；　but　she　did　not　care　to　do　it。　　It　was；　indeed；　more　than

〃not　caring；〃　which　merely　implies　a　certain　degree　of　vis　inertiae

to　be　subdued　before　an　object　can　be　attained；　and　that　the　object

itself　does　not　seem　to　be　of　sufficient　importance　to　call　out　the

requisite　energy。　　On　the　contrary；　Susan　exerted　herself　to　avo