the expedition of humphry clinker-第46部分

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depended　upon　the　wife；　we　should　have　been　kindly　treated。　　She
is　really　a　good　sort　of　a　woman；　in　spite　of　her　low　original；
and　well　respected　in　the　country；　but　she　has　not　interest
enough　in　her　own　house　to　command　a　draught　of　table　beer；　far
less　to　bestow　any　kind　of　education　on　her　children；　who　run
about；　like　tagged　colts；　in　a　state　of　nature。　　Pox　on　him！　he
is　such　a　dirty　fellow；　that　I　have　not　patience　to　prosecute　the
subject。

By　that　time　we　reached　Harrigate；　I　began　to　be　visited　by
certain　rheumatic　symptoms。　The　Scotch　lawyer；　Mr　Micklewhimmen；
recommended　a　hot　bath　of　these　waters　so　earnestly；　that　I　was
over…persuaded　to　try　the　experiment。　　He　had　used　it　often　with
success　and　always　stayed　an　hour　in　the　bath；　which　was　a　tub
filled　with　Harrigate　water；　heated　for　the　purpose。　If　I　could
hardly　bear　the　smell　of　a　single　tumbler　when　cold；　you　may
guess　how　my　nose　was　regaled　by　the　streams　arising　from　a　hot
bath　of　the　same　fluid。　At　night；　I　was　conducted　into　a　dark
hole　on　the　ground　floor；　where　the　tub　smoaked　and　stunk　like
the　pot　of　Acheron；　in　one　corner；　and　in　another　stood　a　dirty
bed　provided　with　thick　blankets；　in　which　I　was　to　sweat　after
coming　out　of　the　bath。　My　heart　seemed　to　die　within　me　when　I
entered　this　dismal　bagnio；　and　found　my　brain　assaulted　by　such
insufferable　effluvia。　I　cursed　Micklewhimmen　for　not　considering
that　my　organs　were　formed　on　this　side　of　the　Tweed；　but　being
ashamed　to　recoil　upon　the　threshold；　I　submitted　to　the　process。

After　having　endured　all　but　real　suffocation　for　above　a　quarter
of　an　hour　in　the　tub；　I　was　moved　to　the　bed　and　wrapped　in
blankets。　　There　I　lay　a　full　hour　panting　with　intolerable　heat；
but　not　the　least　moisture　appearing　on　my　skin；　I　was　carried　to
my　own　chamber；　and　passed　the　night　without　closing　an　eye；　in
such　a　flutter　of　spirits　as　rendered　me　the　most　miserable
wretch　in　being。　I　should　certainly　have　run　distracted；　if　the
rarefaction　of　my　blood；　occasioned　by　that　Stygian　bath；　had　not
burst　the　vessels；　and　produced　a　violent　haemorrhage；　which；
though　dreadful　and　alarming；　removed　the　horrible　disquiet　　I
lost　two　pounds　of　blood；　and　more；　on　this　occasion；　and　find
myself　still　weak　and　languid；　but；　I　believe；　a　little　exercise
will　forward　my　recovery；　and　therefore　I　am　resolved　to　set　out
to…morrow　for　York；　in　my　way　to　Scarborough；　where　I　propose　to
brace　up　my　fibres　by　sea…bathing；　which；　I　know；　is　one　of　your
favourite　specificks。　There　is；　however；　one　disease；　for　which
you　have　found　as　yet　no　specific；　and　that　is　old　age；　of　which
this　tedious　unconnected　epistle　is　an　infallible　symptom：　what；
therefore；　cannot　be　cured；　must　be　endured；　by　you；　as　well　as
by

Yours；
MATT。　BRAMBLE
HARRIGATE；　June　26。




To　Sir　WATKIN　PHILLIPS；　Bart。　of　Jesus　college；　Oxon。

DEAR　KNIGHT；

The　manner　of　living　at　Harrigate　was　so　agreeable　to　my
disposition；　that　I　left　the　place　with　some　regret　　Our　aunt
Tabby　would　have　probably　made　some　objection　to　our　departing　so
soon；　had　not　an　accident　embroiled　her　with　Mr　Micklewhimmen；
the　Scotch　advocate；　on　whose　heart　she　had　been　practising；　from
the　second　day　after　our　arrival　　That　original；　though　seemingly
precluded　from　the　use　of　his　limbs；　had　turned　his　genius　to
good　account　　In　short；　by　dint　of　groaning；　and　whining；　he　had
excited　the　compassion　of　the　company　so　effectually；　that　an　old
lady；　who　occupied　the　very　best　apartment　in　the　house；　gave　it
up　for　his　case　and　convenience。　When　his　man　led　him　into　the
Long　Room；　all　the　females　were　immediately　in　commotion　　One　set
an　elbow…chair；　another　shook　up　the　cushion；　a　third　brought　a
stool；　and　a　fourth　a　pillow；　for　the　accommodation　of　his　feet　
Two　ladies　（of　whom　Tabby　was　always　one）　supported　him　into　the
dining…room；　and　placed　him　properly　at　the　table；　and　his　taste
was　indulged　with　a　succession　of　delicacies；　culled　by　their
fair　hands。　All　this　attention　he　repaid　with　a　profusion　of
compliments　and　benedictions；　which　were　not　the　less　agreeable
for　being　delivered　in　the　Scottish　dialect。　As　for　Mrs　Tabitha；
his　respects　were　particularly　addressed　to　her；　and　he　did　not
fail　to　mingle　them　with　religious　reflections；　touching　free
grace；　knowing　her　bias　to　methodism；　which　he　also　professed
upon　a　calvinistical　model。

For　my　part；　I　could　not　help　thinking　this　lawyer　was　not　such
an　invalid　as　he　pretended　to　be。　I　observed　he　ate　very　heartily
three　times　a　day；　and　though　his　bottle　was　marked　stomachic
tincture；　he　had　recourse　to　it　so　often；　and　seemed　to　swallow
it　with　such　peculiar　relish；　that　I　suspected　it　was　not
compounded　in　the　apothecary's　shop；　or　the　chemist's　laboratory。
One　day；　while　he　was　earnest　in　discourse　with　Mrs　Tabitha；　and
his　servant　had　gone　out　on　some　occasion　or　other；　I　dexterously
exchanged　the　labels；　and　situation　of　his　bottle　and　mine；　and
having　tasted　his　tincture；　found　it　was　excellent　claret。　I
forthwith　handed　it　about　me　to　some　of　my　neighbours；　and　it　was
quite　emptied　before　Mr　Micklewhimmen　had　occasion　to　repeat　his
draught。　At　length；　turning　about；　he　took　hold　of　my　bottle；
instead　of　his　own；　and；　filling　a　large　glass；　drank　to　the
health　of　Mrs　Tabitha。　It　had　scarce　touched　his　lips；　when　he
perceived　the　change　which　had　been　put　upon　him；　and　was　at
first　a　little　out　of　countenance。　He　seemed　to　retire　within
himself；　in　order　to　deliberate；　and　in　half　a　minute　his
resolution　was　taken；　addressing　himself　to　our　quarter；　'I　give
the　gentleman　credit　for　his　wit　（said　he）；　it　was　a　gude
practical　joke；　but　sometimes　hi　joci　in　seria　ducunt　mala　　I
hope　for　his　own　sake　he　has　na　drank　all　the　liccor；　for　it　was
a　vara　poorful　infusion　of　jallap　in　Bourdeaux　wine；　at　its
possable　he　may　ha　ta'en　sic　a　dose　as　will　produce　a　terrible
catastrophe　in　his　ain　booels　'

By　far　the　greater　part　of　the　contents　had　fallen　to　the　share
of　a　young　clothier　from　Leeds；　who　had　come　to　make　a　figure　at
Harrigate；　and　was；　in　effect　a　great　coxcomb　in　his　way。　It　was
with　a　view　to　laugh　at　his　fellow…guests；　as　well　as　to　mortify
the　lawyer；　that　he　had　emptied　the　bottle；　when　it　came　to　his
turn；　and　he　had　laughed　accordingly：　but　now　his　mirth　gave　way
to　his　apprehension　　He　began　to　spit；　to　make　wry　faces；　and
writhe　himself　into　various　contorsions　　'Damn　the　stuff！　（cried
he）　I　thought　it　had　a　villainous　twang　　pah！　He　that　would　cozen
a　Scot；　mun　get　oope　betimes；　and　take　Old　Scratch　for　his
counsellor　'　'In　troth　mester　what　d'ye　ca'um　（replied　the
lawyer）；　your　wit　has　run　you　into　a　filthy　puddle　　I'm　truly
consarned　for　your　waeful　case　　The　best　advice　I　can　give　you；
in　sic　a　delemma；　is　to　send　an　express　to　Rippon　for　doctor
Waugh；　without　delay；　and；　in　the　mean　time；　swallow　all　the　oil
and　butter　you　can　find　in　the　hoose；　to　defend　your　poor　stomach
and　intastines　from　the　villication　of　the　particles　of　the
jallap；　which　is　vara　violent；　even　when　taken　in　moderation。'

The　poor　clothier's　torments　had　already　begun：　he　retired；
roaring　with　pain；　to　his　own　chamber；　the　oil　was　swallowed；　and
the　doctor　sent　for；　but　before　he　arrived；　the　miserable　patient
had　made　such　discharges　upwards　and　downwards；　that　nothing
remained　to　give　him　further　offence；　and　this　double　evacuation；
was　produced　by　imagination　alone；　for　what　he　had　drank　was
genuine　wine　of　Bourdeaux；　which　the　lawyer　had　brought　from
Scotland　for　his　own　private　use。　The　clothier；　finding　the　joke
turn　out　so　expensive　and　disagreeable；　quitted　the　house　next
morning；　leaving　the　triumph　to　Micklewhimmen；　who　enjoyed　it
internally　without　any　outward　signs　of　exultation　　on　the
contrary；　he　affected　to　pity　the　young　man　for　what　he　had
suffered；　and　acquired　fresh　credit　from　this　shew　of　moderation。

It　was　about　the　middle　of　the　night；　which　succeeded　this
adventure；　that　the　vent　of　the　kitchen　chimney　being　foul；　the
soot　took　fire；　and　the　alarm　was　given　in　a　dreadful　manner。
Every　body　leaped　naked　out　of　bed；　and　in　a　minute　the　whole
house　was　filled　with　cries　and　confusion　　There　was　two　stairs
in　the　house；　and　to　these　we　naturally　ran；　but　they　were　both
so　blocked　up；　by　the　people　pressing　one　upon　another；　that　it
seemed　impossible　to　pass；　without　throwing　down　and　trampling
upon　the　women。　In　the　midst　of　this　anarchy；　Mr　Micklewhimmen；
with　a　leathern　portmanteau　on　his　back；　came　running　as　nimble
as　a　buck　along　the　passage；　and　Tabby　in　her　underpetticoat；
endeavouring　to　hook　him　under　the　arm；　that　she　might　escape
through　his　protection；　he　very　fairly　pushed　her　down；　crying；
'Na；　na；　gude　faith；　charity　begins　at　hame！'　Without　paying　the
least　respect　to　the　shrieks　and　intreaties　of　his　female
friends；　he　charged　through　the　midst　of　the　crowd；　overturning
every　thing　that　opposed　him；　and　actually　fought　his　way　to　the
bottom　of　the　Stair…case　　By　this　time　Clinker　had　found　a　ladder
by　which　he　entered　the　window　of　my　uncle's　chamber；　where　our
family　was　assembled；　and　proposed　that　we　should　make　our　exit
successively　by　tha