the expedition of humphry clinker-第19部分

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perfect　philosopher；　that　he　looks　upon　all　superfluities　with
the　most　sovereign
contempt。　Having　given　you　this　sketch　of　squire　Paunceford；　I
need　not　make　any　comment　on　his　character；　but　leave　it　at　the
mercy　of　your　own　reflection；　from　which　I　dare　say；　it　will　meet
with　as　little　quarter　as　it　has　found　with

Yours　always；
J。　MELFORD
BATH；　May　10。



To　Mrs　MARY　JONES；　at　Brambleton…hall。

DEAR　MOLLY；

We　are　all　upon　the　ving　　Hey　for　London；　girl！　　Fecks！　we　have
been　long　enough　here；　for　we're　all　turned　tipsy　turvy　　Mistress
has　excarded　Sir　Ulic　for　kicking　of　Chowder；　and　I　have　sent　O
Frizzle　away；　with　a　flea　in　his　ear　　I've　shewn　him　how　little　I
minded　his　tinsy　and　his　long　tail　　A　fellor；　who　would　think　for
to　go；　for　to　offer；　to　take　up　with　a　dirty　trollop　under　my
nose　　I　ketched　him　in　the　very　feet；　coming　out　of　the
housemaids　garret。　　But　I　have　gi'en　the　dirty　slut　a　siserary。　O
Molly！　the　sarvants　at　Bath　are　devils　in　garnet。　They　lite　the
candle　at　both　ends　　Here's　nothing　but　ginketting；　and　wasting；
and　thieving　and　tricking；　and　trigging；　and　then　they　are　never
content　　They　won't　suffer　the　'squire　and　mistress　to　stay　any
longer；　because　they　have　been　already　above　three　weeks　in　the
house；　and　they　look　for　a　couple　of　ginneys　a…piece　at　our　going
away；　and　this　is　a　parquisite　they　expect　every　month　in　the
season；　being　as　how　no　family　has　a　right　to　stay　longer　than
four　weeks　in　the　same　lodgings；　and　so　the　cuck　swears　she　will
pin　the　dish…clout　to　mistress's　tail；　and　the　house…maid　vows；
she'll　put　cowitch　in　master's　bed；　if　so　be　he　don't　discamp
without　furder　ado　　I　don't　blame　them　for　making　the　most　of
their　market；　in　the　way　of　vails　and　parquisites；　and　I　defy　the
devil　to　say　I　am　a　tail…carrier；　or　ever　brought　a　poor　sarvant
into　trouble　　But　then　they　oft　to　have　some　conscience；　in
vronging　those　that　be　sarvants　like　themselves　　For　you　must　no；
Molly；　I　missed　three…quarters　of　blond　lace；　and　a　remnant　of
muslin；　and　my　silver　thimble；　which　was　the　gift　of　true　love；
they　were　all　in　my　workbasket；　that　I　left　upon　the　table　in　the
sarvants…hall；　when　mistresses　bell　rung；　but　if　they　had　been
under　lock　and　kay；　'twould　have　been　all　the　same；　for　there　are
double　keys　to　all　the　locks　in　Bath；　and　they　say　as　how　the
very　teeth　an't　safe　in　your　head；　if　you　sleep　with　your　mouth
open　　And　so　says　I　to　myself；　them　things　could　not　go　without
hands；　and　so　I'll　watch　their　waters：　and　so　I　did　with　a
vitness；　for　then　it　was　I　found　Bett　consarned　with　O　Frizzle。
And　as　the　cuck　had　thrown　her
slush　at　me；　because　I　had　taken　part　with　Chowder；　when　he　fit；
with　the　turnspit；　I　resolved　to　make　a　clear　kitchen；　and　throw
some　of　her　fat　into　the　fire。　I　ketched　the　chare…woman　going
out　with　her　load　in　the　morning；　before　she　thought　I　was　up；
and　brought　her　to　mistress　with　her　whole　cargo　　Marry；　what
do'st　think　she　had　got　in　the　name　of　God？　Her　buckets　were
foaming　full　of　our　best　bear；　and　her　lap　was　stuffed　with　a
cold　tongue；　part　of　a　buttock　of　beef；　half　a　turkey；　and　a
swinging　lump　of　butter；　and　the　matter　of　ten　mould　kandles；
that　had　scarce　ever　been　lit。　The　cuck　brazened　it　out；　and　said
it　was　her　rite　to　rummage　the　pantry；　and　she　was　ready　for　to
go　before　the　mare：　that　he　had　been　her　potticary　many　years；
and　would　never　think　of　hurting　a　poor　sarvant；　for　giving　away
the　scraps　of　the　kitchen。　I　went　another　way　to　work　with　madam
Betty；　because　she　had　been　saucy；　and　called　me　skandelus　names；
and　said　O　Frizzle　couldn't　abide　me；　and　twenty　other　odorous
falsehoods。　I　got　a　varrant　from　the　mare；　and　her　box　being
sarched　by　the　constable；　my　things　came　out　sure　enuff；　besides
a　full　pound　of　vax　candles；　and　a　nite…cap　of　mistress；　that　I
could　sware　to　on　my　cruperal　oaf　　O！　then　madam　Mopstick　came
upon　her　merry　bones；　and　as　the　squire　wouldn't　hare　of　a
pursecution；　she　scaped　a　skewering：　but　the　longest　day　she　has
to　live；　she'll　remember　your

Humble　sarvant；
W。　JENKINS
BATH；　May　15。

If　the　hind　should　come　again；　before　we　be　gone；　pray　send　me
the　shift　and　apron；　with　the　vite　gallow　manky　shoes；　which
you'll　find　in　my　pillowber　　Sarvice　to　Saul　


To　Sir　WATKIN　PHILLIPS；　Bart。　of　Jesus　college；　Oxon。

You　are　in　the　right；　dear　Phillips；　I　don't　expect　regular
answers　to　every　letter　　I　know　a　college…life　is　too
circumscribed　to　afford　materials　for　such　quick　returns　of
communication。　For　my　part；　I　am　continually　shifting　the　scene；
and　surrounded　with　new　objects；　some　of　which　are　striking
enough。　I　shall　therefore　conclude　my　journal　for　your　amusement；
and；　though；　in　all　appearance；　it　will　not　treat　of　very
important　or　interesting　particulars；　it　may　prove；　perhaps；　not
altogether　uninstructive　and　unentertaining。

The　music　and　entertainments　of　Bath　are　over　for　this　season；
and　all　our　gay　birds　of　passage　have　taken　their　flight　to
Bristolwell；　Tunbridge；　Brighthelmstone；　Scarborough；　Harrowgate；
&c。　Not　a　soul　is　seen　in　this　place；　but　a　few　broken…winded
parsons；　waddling　like　so　many　crows　along　the　North　Parade。
There　is　always　a　great　shew　of　the　clergy　at　Bath：　none　of　your
thin；　puny；　yellow；　hectic　figures；　exhausted　with　abstinence；
and　hardy　study；　labouring　under　the　morbi　eruditorum；　but　great
overgrown　dignitaries　and　rectors；　with　rubicund　noses　and　gouty
ancles；　or　broad　bloated　faces；　dragging　along　great　swag
bellies；　the　emblems　of　sloth　and　indigestion。

Now　we　are　upon　the　subject　of　parsons；　I　must　tell　you　a
ludicrous　adventure；　which　was　achieved　the　other　day　by　Tom
Eastgate；　whom　you　may　remember　on　the　foundation　of　Queen's。　He
had　been　very　assiduous　to　pin　himself　upon　George　Prankley；　who
was　a　gentleman…commoner　of　Christchurch；　knowing　the　said
Prankley　was　heir　to　a　considerable　estate；　and　would　have　the
advowson　of　a　good　living；　the　incumbent　of　which　was　very　old
and　infirm。　He　studied　his　passions；　and　flattered　them　so
effectually；　as　to　become　his　companion　and　counsellor；　and；　at
last；　obtained　of　him　a　promise　of　the　presentation；　when　the
living　should　fall。　Prankley；　on　his　uncle's　death；　quitted
Oxford；　and　made　his　first　appearance　in　the　fashionable　world　at
London；　from　whence　he　came　lately　to　Bath；　where　he　has　been
exhibiting　himself　among　the　bucks　and　gamesters　of　the　place。
Eastgate　followed　him　hither；　but　he　should　not　have　quitted　him
for　a　moment；　at　his　first　emerging　into　life。　He　ought　to　have
known　he　was　a　fantastic；　foolish；　fickle　fellow；　who　would
forget　his　college…attachments　the　moment　they　ceased　appealing
to　his　senses。　Tom　met　with　a　cold　reception　from　his　old　friend；
and　was；　moreover；　informed；　that　he　had　promised　the　living　to
another　man；　who　had　a　vote　in　the　county；　where　he　proposed　to
offer　himself　a　candidate　at　the　next　general　election。　He　now
remembered　nothing　of　Eastgate；　but　the　freedoms　he　had　used　to
take　with　him；　while　Tom　had　quietly　stood　his　butt；　with　an　eye
to　the　benefice；　and　those　freedoms　he　began　to　repeat　in　common…place
sarcasms　on　his　person　and　his　cloth；　which　he　uttered　in
the　public　coffeehouse；　for　the　entertainment　of　the　company。　But
he　was　egregiously　mistaken　in　giving　his　own　wit　credit　for　that
tameness　of　Eastgate；　which　had　been　entirely　owing　to　prudential
considerations。　These　being　now　removed；　he　retorted　his　repartee
with　interest；　and　found　no　great　difficulty　in　turning　the　laugh
upon　the　aggressor；　who；　losing　his　temper；　called　him　names；　and
asked；　If　he　knew　whom　he　talked　to？　After　much　altercation；
Prankley；　shaking　his　cane；　bid　him　hold　his　tongue；　otherwise　he
could　dust　his　cassock　for　him。　'I　have　no　pretensions　to　such　a
valet　（said　Tom）　but　if　you　should　do　me　that　office；　and
overheat　yourself；　I　have　here　a　good　oaken　towel　at　your
service。'

Prankley　was　equally　incensed　and　confounded　at　this　reply。　After
a　moment's　pause；　he　took　him　aside　towards　die　window；　and；
pointing　to　the　clump　of　firs；　on　Clerken…down；　asked　in　a
whisper；　if　he　had　spirit　enough　to　meet　him　there；　with　a　case
of　pistols；　at　six　o'clock　tomorrow　morning。　Eastgate　answered　in
the　affirmative；　and；　with　a　steady　countenance；　assured　him；　he
would　not　fail　to　give　him　the　rendezvous　at　the　hour　he
mentioned。　So　saying；　he　retired；　and　the　challenger　stayed　some
time　in　manifest　agitation。　In　the　morning；　Eastgate；　who　knew
his　man；　and　had　taken　his　resolution；　went　to　Prankley's
lodgings；　and　roused　him　by　five　o'clock。

The　squire；　in　all　probability；　cursed　his　punctuality　in　his
heart；　but　he　affected　to　talk　big；　and　having　prepared　his
artillery　overnight；　they　crossed　the　water　at　the　end　of　the
South　Parade。　In　their　progress　up　the　hill；　Prankley　often　eyed
the　parson；　in　hopes　of　perceiving　some　reluctance　in　his
countenance；　but　as　no　such　marks　appeared；　he　attempted　to
intimidate　him　by　word　of　mouth。　'If　these　flints　do　their　office
（said　he）　I'll　do　thy　business　in　a　few　minutes。'　'I　desire　you
will　do　your　best　（replied　the　other）；　for　my　part；　I　come　not
here　to　trifle。　Our　lives　are　in　the　hands　of　God；