english stories-london-第19部分

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where　he　was　born；　and　the　dark…eyed　sister　whom　he　had　loved；　and

with　whom　he　had　played　over　the　daisied　fields；　and　through　the

carpeted　woods；　and　all　among　the　richly　tinted　bracken。　One　day　he

was　told　she　was　dead；　and　that　he　must　never　speak　her　name；　but　he

spoke　it　all　the　day　and　all　the　night；Beryl；　nothing　but　Beryl；

and　he　looked　for　her　in　the　fields　and　in　the　woods　and　among　the

bracken。　It　seemed　as　if　he　had　unlocked　the　casket　of　his　heart；

closed　for　so　many　years；　and　as　if　all　the　memories　of　the　past　and

all　the　secrets　of　his　life　were　rushing　out；　glad　to　be　free　once

more；　and　grateful　for　the　open　air　of　sympathy。



〃Beryl　was　as　swift　as　a　deer！〃　he　exclaimed。　〃You　would　have　laughed

to　see　her　on　the　moor。　Ah；　it　was　hard　to　give　up　all　the　thoughts　of

meeting　her　again。　They　told　me　I　should　see　her　in　heaven；　but　I　did

not　care　about　heaven。　I　wanted　Beryl　on　earth；　as　I　knew　her；　a　merry

laughing　sister。　I　think　you　are　right：　we　don't　forget；　we　become

resigned　in　a　dead；　dull　kind　of　way。〃



Suddenly　he　said；　〃I　don't　know　why　I　have　told　you　all　this。　And　yet

it　has　been　such　a　pleasure　to　me。　You　are　the　only　person　to　whom　I

could　have　spoken　about　myself；　for　no　one　else　but　you　would　have

cared。〃



〃Don't　you　think；〃　she　said　gently；　〃that　you　made　a　mistake　in

letting　your　experiences　embitter　you？　Because　you　had　been　unlucky　in

one　or　two　instances　it　did　not　follow　that　all　the　world　was　against

you。　Perhaps　you　unconsciously　put　yourself　against　all　the　world；　and

therefore　saw　every　one　in　an　unfavourable　light。　It　seems　so　easy　to

do　that。　Trouble　comes　to　most　people；　doesn't　it？　And　your　philosophy

should　have　taught　you　to　make　the　best　of　it。　At　least；　that　is　my

notion　of　the　value　of　philosophy。〃



She　spoke　hesitatingly；　as　though　she　gave　utterance　to　these　words

against　her　will。



〃I　am　sure　you　are　right；　child；〃　he　said；　eagerly。



He　put　his　hands　to　his　eyes；　but　he　could　not　keep　back　the　tears。



〃I　have　been　such　a　lonely　old　man；〃　he　sobbed；　〃no　one　can　tell　what

a　lonely；　loveless　life　mine　has　been。　If　I　were　not　so　old　and　so

tired　I　should　like　to　begin　all　over　again。〃



He　sobbed　for　many　minutes；　and　she　did　not　know　what　to　say　to　him　of

comfort；　but　she　took　his　hand　within　her　own；　and　gently　caressed　it；

as　one　might　do　to　a　little　child　in　pain。　He　looked　up　and　smiled

through　his　tears。



〃You　have　been　very　good　to　me；〃　he　said；　〃and　I　dare　say　you　have

thought　me　ungrateful。　You　mended　my　coat　for　me　one　morning；　and　not

a　day　has　passed　but　that　I　have　looked　at　that　darn　and　thought　of

you。　I　liked　to　remember　that　you　had　done　it　for　me。　But　you　have

done　far　more　than　this　for　me：　you　have　put　some　sweetness　into　my

life。　Whatever　becomes　of　me　hereafter；　I　shall　never　be　able　to　think

of　my　life　on　earth　as　anything　but　beautiful；　because　you　thought

kindly　of　me　and　acted　kindly　for　me。　The　other　night；　when　this

terrible　pain　came　over　me；　I　wished　you　were　near　me；　I　wished　to

hear　your　voice。　There　is　very　beautiful　music　in　your　voice。〃



〃I　would　have　come　to　you　gladly；〃　she　said；　smiling　quietly　at　him。

〃You　must　make　a　promise　that　when　you　feel　ill　again　you　will　send

for　me。　Then　you　will　see　what　a　splendid　nurse　I　am；　and　how　soon　you

will　become　strong　and　well　under　my　care；　strong　enough　to　paint　many

more　pictures；　each　one　better　than　the　last。　Now　will　you　promise？〃



〃Yes；〃　he　said；　and　he　raised　her　hand　reverently　to　his　lips。



〃You　are　not　angry　with　me　for　doing　that？〃　he　asked；　suddenly。　〃I

should　not　like　to　vex　you。〃



〃I　am　not　vexed；〃　she　answered；　kindly。



〃Then　perhaps　I　may　kiss　it　once　more？〃　he　asked。



〃Yes；〃　she　answered；　and　again　he　raised　her　hand　to　his　lips。



〃Thank　you；〃　he　said　quietly；　〃that　was　kind　of　you。　Do　you　see　that

broken　sun…ray　yonder？　Is　it　not　golden？　I　find　it　very　pleasant　to

sit　here；　and　I　am　quite　happy；　and　almost　free　from　pain。　Lately　I

have　been　troubled　with　a　dull　thudding　pain　near　my　heart；　but　now　I

feel　so　strong　that　I　believe　I　shall　finish　that　Andrea　del　Sarto

after　all。〃



〃Of　course　you　will；〃　she　answered；　cheerily；　〃and　I　shall　have　to

confess　that　yours　is　better　than　mine！　I　am　quite　willing　to　yield

the　palm　to　you。〃



〃I　must　alter　the　expression　of　the　mouth；〃　he　replied。　〃That　is　the

part　which　has　worried　me。　I　don't　think　I　told　you　that　I　have　had　a

commission　to　copy　Rembrandt's　'Old　Jew。'　I　must　set　to　work　on　that

next　week。〃



〃But　you　have　given　me　your　palette　and　brushes！〃　she　laughed。



〃You　must　be　generous　enough　to　lend　them　to　me；〃　he　said；　smiling。

〃By　the　way；　I　intend　to　give　you　my　books；　all　of　them。　Some　day　I

must　show　them　to　you。　I　especially　value　my　philosophical　books；　they

have　been　my　faithful　companions　through　many　years。　I　believe　you　do

not　read　Greek。　That　is　a　pity；　because　you　would　surely　enjoy

Aristotle。　I　think　I　must　teach　you　Greek；　it　would　be　an　agreeable

legacy　to　leave　you　when　I　pass　away　into　the　Great　Silence。〃



〃I　should　like　to　learn；〃　she　said；　wondering　to　hear　him　speak　so

unreservedly。　It　seemed　as　if　some　vast　barrier　had　been　rolled　aside；

and　as　if　she　were　getting　to　know　him　better；　having　been　allowed　to

glance　into　his　past　life；　to　sympathise　with　his　past　mistakes；　and

with　the　failure　of　his　ambitions；　and　with　the　deadening　of　his

heart。



〃You　must　read　AEschylus；〃　he　continued；　enthusiastically；　〃and；　if　I

mistake　not；　the　Agamemnon　will　be　an　epoch　in　your　life。　You　will

find　that　all　these　studies　will　serve　to　ennoble　your　art；　and　you

will　be　able　to　put　mind　into　your　work；　and　not　merely　form　and

colour。　Do　you　know；　I　feel　so　well　that　I　believe　I　shall　not　only

live　to　finish　Andrea　del　Sarto；　but　also　to　smoke　another　pipe？〃



〃You　have　been　too　rash　to…day；〃　she　laughed；　〃giving　away　your　pipe

and　pouch；　your　palette　and　brushes；　in　this　reckless　manner！　I　must

get　you　a　new　pipe　to…morrow。　I　wonder　you　did　not　part　with　your

venerable　Lucretius。〃



〃That　reminds　me；〃　he　said；　fumbling　in　his　pocket；　〃I　think　I　have

dropped　my　Lucretius。　I　fancy　I　left　it　somewhere　in　the　Poets'

Corner。　It　would　grieve　me　to　lose　that　book。〃



〃Let　me　go　and　look　for　it；〃　she　said；　and　she　advanced　a　few　steps；

and　then　came　back　to　him。



〃You　have　been　saying　many　kind　words　to　me；〃　she　said；　as　she　put　her

hand　on　his　arm；　〃and　I　have　not　told　you　that　I　value　your

friendship；　and　am　grateful　to　you　for　letting　me　be　more　than　a　mere

stranger　to　you。　I　have　been　very　lonely　in　my　life；　for　I　am　not　one

to　make　friends　easily；　and　it　has　been　a　great　privilege　to　me　to

talk　with　you。　I　want　you　to　know　this：　for　if　I　have　been　anything　to

you；　you　have　been　a　great　deal　to　me。　I　have　never　met　with　much

sympathy　from　those　of　my　own　age：　I　have　found　them　narrow　and

unyielding；　and　they　found　me　dull　and　uninteresting。　They　had　passed

through　few　experiences　and　knew　nothing　about　failure　or　success；　and

some　of　them　did　not　even　understand　the　earnestness　of　endeavour；　and

laughed　at　me　when　I　spoke　of　a　high　ideal。　So　I　withdrew　into　myself；

and　should　probably　have　grown　still　more　isolated　than　I　was　before；

but　that　I　met　you；　and；　as　time　went　on；　we　became　friends。　I　shall

always　remember　your　teaching；　and　I　will　try　to　keep　to　a　high　ideal

of　life　and　art　and　endeavour；　and　I　will　not　let　despair　creep　into

my　heart；　and　I　will　not　lose　my　faith　in　humanity。〃



As　she　spoke　a　lingering　ray　of　sunshine　lit　up　her　face　and　gently

caressed　her　soft　brown　hair；　slight　though　her　form；　sombre　her

clothes；　and　unlovely　her　features；　she　seemed　a　gracious　presence

because　of　her　earnestness。



〃Now；〃　she　said；　cheerily；　〃you　rest　here　until　I　come　back　with　your

Lucretius；　and　then　I　think　I　must　be　getting　on　my　way　home。　But　you

must　fix　a　time　for　our　first　Greek　lesson；　for　we　must　begin

to…morrow。〃



When　she　had　gone　he　walked　in　the　cloisters；　holding　his　hat　in　his

hand　and　his　stick　under　his　arm。　There　was　a　quiet　smile　on　his　face；

which　was　called　forth　by　pleasant　thoughts　in　his　mind；　and　he　did

not　look　quite　so　shrunken　and　shrivelled　as　usual。　His　eyes　were

fixed　on　the　ground；　but　he　raised　them；　and　observed　a　white　cat

creeping　toward　him。　It　came　and　rubbed　itself　against　his　foot；　and；

purring　with　all　its　might；　seemed　determined　to　win　some　kind　of

notice　from　him。　The　old　man　stooped　down　to　stroke　it；　and　was　just

touching　its　sleek　coat　when　he　suddenly　withdrew　his　hand　and　groaned

deeply。　He　struggled　to　the　recess；　and　sank　back。　The　stick　fell　on

the　stone　with　a　clatter；　and　the　battered　hat　rolled　down　beside　it；

and　the　white　cat　fled　away　in　terror；　but　realising　that　there　was　no

cause　for　alarm；　it　came　back　and　crouched　near　the　silent　figure　of

the　old　man；　watching　him　intently。　Then　it　stret